Ethical Considerations In Dating Multiple People


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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #21  November 6,2009, 11:34am

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Going out on (4-5) dates with multiple people is ok..(unless some would keep doing this and doing serial dating almost as a hobby).

My own view of dating means you go out to get to know somebody...until you plant a romantic kiss on somebody then at that time, it's probably a good idea to focus on that person for a while.

The downside to this is that some women think lack of kissing by the 3rd date indicates lack of interest (which is untrue at all!)
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #22  November 6,2009, 11:36am

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parakeetjordan wrote :
I know most guys expect a kiss during the second date, and I don't want to lead him on. If I knew that we could just spend time getting to know each other without the physical expectation, I may take the time to get to know the guys better before I decide whether or not to pursue things further.
Ah very interesting we must be posting at the same time. I must be a very slow dater because I tend to wait at least 3-4 dates before landing a kiss...(maybe cheek first).
 
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parakeetjordan is offline parakeetjordan Post #23  November 6,2009, 11:41am
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Mr. Wonderful, the guy I just started dating, has been a complete gentleman during the first two dates. We didn't kiss during the first, and during the second, his kisses were very gentle. I, in fact, wished that he would have pushed me up against the car and kissed me passionately. Sorry about that digression.

Now, we have a third date coming up and I told him that I can't meet him until 9 p.m. because I have a meeting until then. At first, he suggested a restaurant. Now, he has sent me a text asking me whether I would like to meet him at his place instead.

Guys out there, what you thinking in this scenario? How would you react if I text back and said "Okay, but I'm not sleeping with you."

This is what I am having issues with in dating multiple people. I like him, but I have to hold him off until I know where it is going, and where my other relationships with other guys, including Mr. Too-Good-To-Be True is going.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #24  November 6,2009, 12:00pm
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parakeetjordan wrote :
Mr. Wonderful, the guy I just started dating, has been a complete gentleman during the first two dates. We didn't kiss during the first, and during the second, his kisses were very gentle. I, in fact, wished that he would have pushed me up against the car and kissed me passionately. Sorry about that digression.
-snip-
That reminds me, my Mum, when she was still with us, used to call my Dad "mr wonderfull", and with my parents, it was literally a case of till-death-did-they-part, must be the ultimate to aim for with dating??
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #25  November 6,2009, 12:28pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
Until you have had sex, dating multiple people is fine. Afterwards it's nasty and gross.

No need for the 'exclusivity' talk. If I'm having sex with someone and they are still 'dating' other people the relationship ends the moment I find that out.
Wouldn't it be better to have the talk before rather than set yourself up to find out later her definition of what's ethical/appropriate in dating doesn't match yours? At the very least it cuts down slightly on your chances for STI's.
 
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kissed_too_many_frogs is offline kissed_too_many_frogs Post #26  November 6,2009, 12:33pm
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I could not have said it better myself.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #27  November 6,2009, 12:37pm
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librarybabe wrote :
Wouldn't it be better to have the talk before rather than set yourself up to find out later her definition of what's ethical/appropriate in dating doesn't match yours? At the very least it cuts down slightly on your chances for STI's.
Given the concerns about STI's, my personal choice for when to have the conversation would be when moving away from condoms as the form or birth control.
 
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bct31 is offline bct31 Post #28  November 6,2009, 12:39pm
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6dle899 wrote :
You are twisting Mangosteen's thoughts around to get to the worst possible conclusion, which says more about YOU than about HER..

Read what she wrote, again: she said SHE would be dating the guy in the hypothetical case, and implied that she was so close to exclusivity that she is only one conversation away from trying to formalize the exclusivity.

Honestly why do you conclude things that way? Unless you are being provocative on purpose, your remarks are *awfully* negative, in their assumptions, I think.
I agree with Nightling that this was a bit of a personal attack. And honestly, I re read the original statement again, and I STILL agree with Nightling. I believe that is exactly what Mangosteen was saying. Your further explanation of what you think Mangosteen was saying seems a bit far stretched but maybe it's just me.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #29  November 6,2009, 1:01pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
Until you have had sex, dating multiple people is fine. Afterwards it's nasty and gross.

No need for the 'exclusivity' talk. If I'm having sex with someone and they are still 'dating' other people the relationship ends the moment I find that out.
I would not have sex with you without the exclusivity talk.

hypothetically speaking of course ...
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #30  November 6,2009, 1:10pm
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I'm actually a lot like Mangosteen (or at least what I think she meant, as we all have a different take on that!) I am very logical in the way I look at online dating and dating multiple people. I actually think it is great because it doesn't assume a relationship is born out of every date. But when push comes to shove, my heart has a lot more say in the matter and a lot earlier than I would like.

My brain says, there is nothing ethically or logically wrong with dating multiple people, as long as you adhere to the reasonable rules others have mentioned. But what I would add to the rules others stated is that we acknowledge the fact that we are not just logical beings. We need to take our own and our dates' illogical emotional wishes into account. We can't blame ourselves or our date if against what is reasonable we get our hopes up before the appropriate time.

As the person who was premature in hoping for exclusivity before it's time, I remind myself this is not an indication of unfaithfulness but a part of the process and that in time things may change or I'll be glad that they didn't get more serious.

As the person on the other side of the coin, I would try to temper the other person's hopes, gently reminding them that we are still getting to know each other and aren't ready YET to be exclusive. But I wouldn't go screaming into the night just because they were premature in their wishes. And I wouldn't lie or skate over the fact that I was dating others just to spare their feelings. Finding out later after they have built their hopes up too high would be worse.
Last edited by librarybabe; November 6,2009 at 1:13pm.
 
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