Ethical Considerations In Dating Multiple People


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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #11  November 6,2009, 7:35am
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Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.
nightling wrote :
So you want immediate exclusivity? With someone you don't know very well?

You are twisting Mangosteen's thoughts around to get to the worst possible conclusion, which says more about YOU than about HER..

Read what she wrote, again: she said SHE would be dating the guy in the hypothetical case, and implied that she was so close to exclusivity that she is only one conversation away from trying to formalize the exclusivity.

Honestly why do you conclude things that way? Unless you are being provocative on purpose, your remarks are *awfully* negative, in their assumptions, I think.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #12  November 6,2009, 7:39am
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6dle899 wrote :
You are twisting Mangosteen's thoughts around to get to the worst possible conclusion, which says more about YOU than about HER..

Read what she wrote, again: she said SHE would be dating the guy in the hypothetical case, and implied that she was so close to exclusivity that she is only one conversation away from trying to formalize the exclusivity.

Honestly why do you conclude things that way? Unless you are being provocative on purpose, your remarks are *awfully* negative, in their assumptions, I think.
This is kind of a personal attack don't ya think?

I asked the question because what she said didn't quite make sense to me and I wanted more information.

I am sorry, Mango. I didn't see the words right now and apparently misread what you were saying. Evidently I needed to read slower this morning. *hasn't had her coffee yet*
Last edited by nightling; November 6,2009 at 7:42am.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #13  November 6,2009, 8:03am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.
What I think this shows is the difference between the head and the heart that can exist. People can have ideas that sound great theoretically, and may even be practical....but this doesn't mean how we'll feel will be consistent with this. For example, you can 'know' intellectually that you're not in an exclusive relationship with someone and have no claim to their not dating someone else....but that doesn't mean you necessarily won't feel hurt if you become aware of the fact that they are.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #14  November 6,2009, 8:12am
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parakeetjordan wrote :
Can we discuss the ethical considerations of dating multiple people, how specifically the people of this board have handled juggling dating different people at the same time (i.e., give examples), and at what point does dating multiple people before one is in an exclusive relationship feel unethical to you?
Until such time as BOTH a match and I have discussed and agreed that we want to be exclusive I can see nothing wrong or unethical with dating as many different people as I am comfortable with being able to keep straight and can afford. Before you have BOTH agreed to be exclusive you are JUST DATING, you are not in a relationship. Do you only have one friend?

If you date only one person at a time then you are looking for "the one" in a serial fashion and you may find yourself at 150 years old and still have never found "the one".

You don't mention what religious beliefs you have but you may care to read How to Get a Date Worth Keeping by Dr. Henry Cloud, a psychologist, dating coach and Christian author. His recommended approach, in a nut shell, is meeting at least 5 new people a week, dating multiple people at a time and approaching dating someone from the standpoint of dating for the fun of the date and not because you feel that this person is "the one".
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #15  November 6,2009, 8:25am
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[quote=my5cents;788572]I think in the case of internet dating, it's almost impossible to date or correspond with just one person at a time. I have met two men in one week, but none of them worked out so I've never gotten to experience dating multiple people. I think corresponding is one thing, and dating multiple people would be hard. I guess go out with them until you can narrow down who fits you best and what you're looking for. At that time it would be best to talk about exclusivity.

[COLOR=Blue]I also think it's very difficult to be with someone when you can see they check their profile every day and are still actively searching (you can see this on other dating sites). In someways the internet may not be your friend.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #16  November 6,2009, 8:32am

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Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.

WHY?
You want what you want when you want it?

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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #17  November 6,2009, 8:33am
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Mangosteen wrote :
Theoretically I agree with this, but in practice, if I found out the guy that I am dating right now was seeing others, I would be upset, even though we have not technically had a conversation about exclusiveness.
nightling wrote :
So you want immediate exclusivity? With someone you don't know very well?
6dle899 wrote :
You are twisting Mangosteen's thoughts around to get to the worst possible conclusion, which says more about YOU than about HER..

Read what she wrote, again: she said SHE would be dating the guy in the hypothetical case, and implied that she was so close to exclusivity that she is only one conversation away from trying to formalize the exclusivity.

Honestly why do you conclude things that way? Unless you are being provocative on purpose, your remarks are *awfully* negative, in their assumptions, I think.
Have to say I read Mangosteen's post the same as nightling. At least that she is expecting exclusivity as being shared by osmosis rather than discussing it and BOTH agreeing that is what they both want. Or maybe what she is trying to say is that there is a double standard.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #18  November 6,2009, 8:34am
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IMHO, you need to define the word dating for yourself, and then based on that definition you would establish a personal set of ethics/standards to go along with. You need to communicate these to people you are involved with so everyone is on the same page, others definitions of the word may be radically different than yours, and probably are. Reading the posts here I sense that the definitions of dating are wide ranging just in this thread, imagine what you will run into in a large group of people. Unless you are clear about your definition and theirs, you are asking for trouble.
So the major consideration for me is that we (myself and anyone who I was dating) are on the same page, and understand what the word dating means to us.

Lilycat (where is there a cat icon when I need one lol)
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #19  November 6,2009, 9:03am
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Until you have had sex, dating multiple people is fine. Afterwards it's nasty and gross.

No need for the 'exclusivity' talk. If I'm having sex with someone and they are still 'dating' other people the relationship ends the moment I find that out.
 
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parakeetjordan is offline parakeetjordan Post #20  November 6,2009, 11:24am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Thank you. I was reading the other posts and beginning to believe that I am the only one who only gets a first date. Of course the other poster are women so I am wondering why the ones that post here give the guy the opportunity for more than one date before dropping him, they sure don't live down here.

So in order to know that your date is checking the dating site would mean that you are also checking the dating site. Double standard here???
For me, I tend to not date a guy a second time if I don't have a strong attraction for him during the first date because I know most guys expect a kiss during the second date, and I don't want to lead him on. If I knew that we could just spend time getting to know each other without the physical expectation, I may take the time to get to know the guys better before I decide whether or not to pursue things further.
 
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