Ethical Considerations In Dating Multiple People


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naturegirl713 is offline naturegirl713 Post #141  December 6,2009, 12:07pm
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I think honesty is the best policy when dating in multiples. As long as the people you date know your intentions up front and all concerned buy-in...there's no harm in it.

My girlfriend, however, had a very different experience. She dated a guy out-of-state AND a local home-town boy. Became intimate with both and led both to believe they were exclusive. You know the end of this story- one guy found out and located the other on Face Book and her dirty little secret was revealed. After her week long episode of emotional tears and drama, they both dumped her. Nuff said.
 
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bwit is offline bwit Post #142  February 10,2010, 1:56pm
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So we covered a lot of good ground about the ethics involved in simultaneous dating but we missed one big thing - - at decision time how and what do you tell those who are not 'the one?"

I assume you will lose a few people thru normal attrition but how/ what do you tell Susie, cute and nice as she is, who went out with you five or more times that you won't be seeing her anymore and help her deal with the rejection she will feel - and probably animosity at the least? Perhaps I walk her thru the nearest metal detector before I break the news and wear a cup.
 
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bwit is offline bwit Post #143  February 10,2010, 2:00pm
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I guess I know up front that most of them are going to be really pissed and hate me. They may settle down later but at the moment or shortly thereafter . . .
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #144  February 10,2010, 2:37pm
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parakeetjordan wrote :
at what point does dating multiple people before one is in an exclusive relationship feel unethical to you?
It doesn't, as long as no one is being misled.

If I'm not in an exclusive relationship, then by definition I'm free to date others and so is anyone else I'm seeing. If any of them have an issue with it, they need to start a conversation with me about being exclusive.

I also assume that if I haven't had that talk with someone, she is probably dating others. It's not always the case, but this is better than assuming she isn't.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #145  February 10,2010, 3:03pm
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bwit wrote :
So we covered a lot of good ground about the ethics involved in simultaneous dating but we missed one big thing - - at decision time how and what do you tell those who are not 'the one?"
Something like "Sorry, but I've met someone else and we've decided to only date each other" - since that's the truth.

That should be easier than breaking up with someone when you aren't dating another- at least I'd find it easier to accept if someone told me. Better they met someone else than they were just dumping me because they didn't like me.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #146  February 10,2010, 4:55pm
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With me it's not so much a moral judgement, but rather one of energy balance. I simply didn't have the energy or ability to evaluate more than one potential partner at a time.

Except for one brief period, I have never gone out with more than one woman at a time. If I clicked with someone the first time we met (in person), my focus was then on them and stayed there until they either kicked me to the curb or I lost interest. Only at that point did I move on to the next one.
 
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bwit is offline bwit Post #147  February 11,2010, 7:10pm
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Mrflyer, good suggestion - thanks. I was also thinking that there may have been some good excuses in the list where you close a match.
 
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brbrhej is offline brbrhej Post #148  February 12,2010, 6:58am
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I do not think that there is one correct answer for this question. The question is what is ethical for you?

It is also culturally determined. In some contries it is more socially accepted to have multiple dates, in oters even dating is a taboo. and after all, in the end of the day, it is you dating, so it does not matter what we think, but what is right for you.

Some peopple (be it women or men) are ok having multiple dates, some dont. Some think that you can date till multiple till kissing, some thing that having sex is all ight too. It really is personal value I think.

As for me I do not date more than one guy at once, and I expect him to do the same after we kissed for the first time. This is me.

Other poeple may have different values. I think that it is good to discus what you and your dates values re, so you know where you stand and if you can accept each other's values.

Hope this helps.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #149  February 12,2010, 3:06pm
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brbrhej wrote :
As for me I do not date more than one guy at once, and I expect him to do the same after we kissed for the first time. This is me.
Do you tell him that, or do you just assume he has the same point of view?
 
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For_Me_2_No is offline For_Me_2_No Post #150  May 23,2010, 8:39pm
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It depends on whether there are physical aspects which have gone beyond holding hands, hugs and dry kisses occurring in the relative dates of more than one person.

I think if women I'm dating do not go beyond played out passionate levels greater than, hello and goodbye hugs and dry kisses, maybe walking arm in arm or inocently holding hands, than whether I win their choice to become, serious enough with to, do that -- or not, I have no problem about it. If I do find dates with particular woman where a wet kiss we do, than I would expect to be the only one she'd been dating granted that liberty, and also -- the rest of whatever so called, "multiple" dates of hers, to gracefully, vanish.
Last edited by For_Me_2_No; May 23,2010 at 8:59pm.
 
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