Am I too old fashion to think a guy should call after a date???


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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #21  November 6,2009, 7:50am
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bct31 wrote :
As far as me reaching out to him, I feel I should take a backseat on this simply because I was the one that initiated the first contact online and he gave me his number and I called him first. I normally don't do that so now I think it's his turn to step up. Will keep you all posted!
That's a little different ... if you've been initiating up to now, then unless you're willing to always be the one who goes first, it's a good idea to sit back and see what he does. Also, if you want someone to initiate more, you have to give them the space to do that.

I wouldn't assume he's playing games ... there could be a lot of reasons and you don't know what's up. I think it's better to just assess how you like his behavior, without trying to figure out what it means. It sounds like you are not liking his behavior right now.
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #22  November 6,2009, 8:39am
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nightling wrote :
I actually agree with this.
and I strongly agree.....
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #23  November 6,2009, 8:42am
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SteveVance wrote :
Let me kindly point this out to you, and explin a little bit about the "rules". Childish or not, we follow them because appearing desperate is the WORST thing to do aside from being a creeper. Usually those two go hand in hand. But I want you to take a step back and look at this. This guy is following the rules (assuming he is interested) and look what he has you doing... You are thinking about him, a lot. Enough to ask the internet what it thinks. You are building him up in your head, making him seem better than he probably is.

Why call the next day if when you wait 3 days the girl he probably worked herself into a tizzy. Then when you do call a rush of calm comes over her as she stops worrying. Combine this with excitement and it is a pretty good feeling. Before you know it, she has associated feeling calm relaxed comfortable and excited with this guy, and all because he followed the 'rule'.

Granted, that is an extreme scenario, but it is difficult to argue with its logic. It takes almost 0 effort to do nothing, and if all you have to do is do nothing for 2 days to avoid being creepy or despereate and to be thought about a lot, they why not just play it safe and wait.

I know it sucks, but you can't blame the guy for it.
Well, that working the way you stated really depends on the woman... this type of thing can backfire lol
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #24  November 6,2009, 8:46am
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bct31 wrote :
SteveVance-I disagree. I see what you are saying and maybe that works for some, depending on your age. However, I am in my mid 30's as is he, and I would assume at this point in life, you should be over the dating games and just be real. I was more interested in him after the date, than I am now...2 days later, because it left a bad taste in my mouth to think he could be trying to act aloof. To me, this is very immature and shows a lack of confidence on the man's part that he feels the need to follow rules or play games.

As far as me reaching out to him, I feel I should take a backseat on this simply because I was the one that initiated the first contact online and he gave me his number and I called him first. I normally don't do that so now I think it's his turn to step up. Will keep you all posted!
I can see why it left a bad taste in your mouth..... I would suggest calling him to see how he is doing, and in that conversation plainly state if HE wants to get together again, HE should contact you. Then drop it and walk away. He either will, or he won't, either way the outcome is not something that you can control, and you sound like you need some sort of closure to this. Might help.

Lilycat
Sometimes the wise little kitty, other times shouted down lol

Oh, and personally I do not understand why someone showing interest in you would automatically label them as desperate and don't think I ever will......
Last edited by Lilycat; November 6,2009 at 8:49am. Reason: oops forgot something
 
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bct31 is offline bct31 Post #25  November 6,2009, 9:20am
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Lilycat-I don't think I will ever understand that either! lol Showing that you are interested in someone is not acting desperate. Stalking them and calling/texting in excess...is desperate!
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #26  November 6,2009, 9:47am

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The heck with rules. Do what you think is polite and considerate regardless of gender.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #27  November 6,2009, 9:51am

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AsianGal wrote :
I don't think its old fashioned.
Its called manners and consideration.

If a guy doesn't have any manners to follow up with a casual call at least and feels he has to play by some silly, childish rule then honestly I'd question his maturity.

I would prefer a guy who is straight up and honest, not all wonky and teeny.
I would want to date a man, not a boy.
Manners and consideration goes both ways.
Maturity also goes both ways.
Waiting to be called is as childish as waiting to call.
A woman would be frustrated dating a wonky teeny boy, as much as it's frustrating for a man to be dating a wonky teeny girl.

Welcome to the board!
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #28  November 6,2009, 10:30am

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SteveVance wrote :
Let me kindly point this out to you, and explin a little bit about the "rules". Childish or not, we follow them because appearing desperate is the WORST thing to do aside from being a creeper. Usually those two go hand in hand. But I want you to take a step back and look at this. This guy is following the rules (assuming he is interested) and look what he has you doing... You are thinking about him, a lot. Enough to ask the internet what it thinks. You are building him up in your head, making him seem better than he probably is.

Why call the next day if when you wait 3 days the girl he probably worked herself into a tizzy. Then when you do call a rush of calm comes over her as she stops worrying. Combine this with excitement and it is a pretty good feeling. Before you know it, she has associated feeling calm relaxed comfortable and excited with this guy, and all because he followed the 'rule'.

Granted, that is an extreme scenario, but it is difficult to argue with its logic. It takes almost 0 effort to do nothing, and if all you have to do is do nothing for 2 days to avoid being creepy or despereate and to be thought about a lot, they why not just play it safe and wait.

I know it sucks, but you can't blame the guy for it.
You are "that guy" the one that claims we women play games.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #29  November 6,2009, 10:36am
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D_Lion wrote :
If he paid for your date, you own him the communication to thank him for the evening he bought for you!

I'm beginning to wonder why I bother any more.
nightling wrote :
I actually agree with this.
That seems logical. Even though we have one plus from a woman I suspect that we will see a great outcry to this concept.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #30  November 6,2009, 10:46am
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I won't say that you are too old fashioned to expect a call, e-mail or text after a date. However, you can thank your sisters for this, if I call without waiting at least 3 days I will be branded as being desperate and needy. When I call (or e-mail or text) you will answer the phone so I will leave a voice mail that won't be returned (same if I e-mail or text). It does not matter how enthusiastic you were in telling me how much you enjoyed the first date and how much you wanted to see me again, by the time you got home you will have decided "what a jerk" I sure hope he doesn't call wanting another date. So we guys have been conditioned to "why bother". So thank your sisters.

If you are truly interested in seeing him again why don't you just pick up YOUR phone and call him?!!!!
 
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