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bct31 bct31 is offline
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I thanked him twice...once at the bar and again when he walked me to my car.
- November 5th, 2009, 09:06 pm
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bct31 wrote :
UGH! I think following the "rules" is worse than possibly appearing desperate!

Yes, this is our conclusion too!
- November 5th, 2009, 09:06 pm
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coachglove coachglove is offline
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I'm certainly not trying to start WW3 here, but I have to call out the hypocrisy of this statement. Why is all the onus on the man to follow up? Isn't it quite passive-aggressive for a woman to have had a great time and then sit back and complain that the guy doesn't call rather than calling herself? The reason I say hypocrisy is because you are just as guilty of following some silly, childish rule by insisting that a post-date call/text is the man's duty.

AsianGal wrote :
I don't think its old fashioned.
Its called manners and consideration.

If a guy doesn't have any manners to follow up with a casual call at least and feels he has to play by some silly, childish rule then honestly I'd question his maturity.

I would prefer a guy who is straight up and honest, not all wonky and teeny.
I would want to date a man, not a boy.
- November 5th, 2009, 09:14 pm
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coachglove coachglove is offline
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May I ask what is wrong with you calling/texting him? If you had a good time then why wait for him to call/text?
- November 5th, 2009, 09:16 pm
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MicMan MicMan is offline
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Is there any particular reason why you couldn't call him?
- November 6th, 2009, 06:13 am
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MicMan wrote :
Is there any particular reason why you couldn't call him?
There's probably a rule against that in Cosmo ragazine.
- November 6th, 2009, 06:35 am
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No one person fits into the same mold. Some men will set the date at the end of the first one. Some will call you as soon as they get home. Some will wait until the following day. Some will wait 2-3 days to call (this may be following rules or may simply be because they are busy and trying to sort out their schedule - until you get to know him, you won't know). Personally, if a guy waits longer than three days, he is not worth my time since I consider that playing way too cool for me. The bottom line is that everyone is different and you should not "expect" things.

As for you calling him - depends on how you like your men. If you like the alpha male - he'll call and make plans if he is truly interested without you prompting him. If you like the beta male, you'll have to do the chasing and the prompting and the organizing. It's really up to you as to what you want to deal with.
- November 6th, 2009, 06:57 am
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SteveVance SteveVance is offline
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bct31 wrote :
I'm not worrying myself over whether he will call or if he is interested. I was just wondering if I was wrong to think the guy should call the next day or if that was setting too high of expectations. I'm actually surprised by the response because I expected most people to say that I shouldn't have expected some type of contact. He told me he is new to online dating and I know he said he's been on a few dates already so I think he's probably a "rule" guy. UGH! I think following the "rules" is worse than possibly appearing desperate!
Let me kindly point this out to you, and explin a little bit about the "rules". Childish or not, we follow them because appearing desperate is the WORST thing to do aside from being a creeper. Usually those two go hand in hand. But I want you to take a step back and look at this. This guy is following the rules (assuming he is interested) and look what he has you doing... You are thinking about him, a lot. Enough to ask the internet what it thinks. You are building him up in your head, making him seem better than he probably is.

Why call the next day if when you wait 3 days the girl he probably worked herself into a tizzy. Then when you do call a rush of calm comes over her as she stops worrying. Combine this with excitement and it is a pretty good feeling. Before you know it, she has associated feeling calm relaxed comfortable and excited with this guy, and all because he followed the 'rule'.

Granted, that is an extreme scenario, but it is difficult to argue with its logic. It takes almost 0 effort to do nothing, and if all you have to do is do nothing for 2 days to avoid being creepy or despereate and to be thought about a lot, they why not just play it safe and wait.

I know it sucks, but you can't blame the guy for it.
- November 6th, 2009, 07:11 am
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SteveVance wrote :
Let me kindly point this out to you, and explin a little bit about the "rules". Childish or not, we follow them because appearing desperate is the WORST thing to do aside from being a creeper. Usually those two go hand in hand. But I want you to take a step back and look at this. This guy is following the rules (assuming he is interested) and look what he has you doing... You are thinking about him, a lot. Enough to ask the internet what it thinks. You are building him up in your head, making him seem better than he probably is.

Why call the next day if when you wait 3 days the girl he probably worked herself into a tizzy. Then when you do call a rush of calm comes over her as she stops worrying. Combine this with excitement and it is a pretty good feeling. Before you know it, she has associated feeling calm relaxed comfortable and excited with this guy, and all because he followed the 'rule'.

Granted, that is an extreme scenario, but it is difficult to argue with its logic. It takes almost 0 effort to do nothing, and if all you have to do is do nothing for 2 days to avoid being creepy or despereate and to be thought about a lot, they why not just play it safe and wait.

I know it sucks, but you can't blame the guy for it.
I do.
- November 6th, 2009, 07:49 am
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bct31 bct31 is offline
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SteveVance-I disagree. I see what you are saying and maybe that works for some, depending on your age. However, I am in my mid 30's as is he, and I would assume at this point in life, you should be over the dating games and just be real. I was more interested in him after the date, than I am now...2 days later, because it left a bad taste in my mouth to think he could be trying to act aloof. To me, this is very immature and shows a lack of confidence on the man's part that he feels the need to follow rules or play games.

As far as me reaching out to him, I feel I should take a backseat on this simply because I was the one that initiated the first contact online and he gave me his number and I called him first. I normally don't do that so now I think it's his turn to step up. Will keep you all posted!
- November 6th, 2009, 08:42 am
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