Dating people that you have no emotional or physical attraction to


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mari3434 is offline mari3434 Post #21  November 5,2009, 8:20pm
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Although not a psychologist, have you thought of seeking counseling? I ask because your subconscious mind may be at work. If you truly fear intimacy (emotional and physical) due to events which occurred in the past, you may be selecting men that are unavailable emotionally - it is safe.
 
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seagirl11 is offline seagirl11 Post #22  November 5,2009, 8:20pm
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I can relate to you, I am kind of similar. It takes time for me to feel the chemistry and grow into love with someone. If there are no significant deal breakers, I find that by being open to love and spending time with the person, I fall in love :-) Of course I am attracted to intelligent, athletic, good looking men. But in my opinion, long term compatibility is different from being attracted to someone. I have a baseline criteria and if a guy meets that he is good to date. Also I think I am successful and so I don't need a man to make me feel successful in life. I would hope to add to my man's success so we can be better together. You mentioned about your friends marrying the guys you could marry. I would guess that is because they are not available? I could fall in love with my incredibly amazing gay friends :-) I would rather focus my energy on finding someone great and available to love and share my life.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #23  November 5,2009, 10:29pm

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trixie1868 wrote :
This is a tricky one. So I'll just say it. Have you ever considered that you might be gay? Can be hard to admit to for some people. I've got a lot of gay friends so wasn't being judgemental. Thought it could be a real possibility.
I thought that you resigned so what are you doing here?

Harvey7.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #24  November 5,2009, 11:02pm
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questioning wrote :
-snip- I tend to like guys who are very athletic and very masculine but very intellectual. The guy from the 6 month relationship was all of that. He also was very outgoing, which I find extremely attractive. He liked to talk/debate about politics, movie plots, novels and economics.
Very intellectual guys are almost never very masculine, athletic and outgoing. They tend to be nerds. If you did manage to find a guy with all these qualities he would have plenty of offers from other women.

You don't want much do you!
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #25  November 6,2009, 1:52am
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grlnxtdr wrote :
When your family says "he will grow on you," I would agree that it can happen, but there has to be something that you find attractive about him, his smell, his clothing style, his hair...something that maybe at first glance you would pass up...but if nothing attracts you about a person then you should not force yourself to be romantic with them.
I tend not to place as much emphasis on initial 'chemistry' as most people do, but I agree with this. There needs to be some connection - either physically or emotionally - relatively early. If you feel no attraction, it's not likely to work.

My advice to you, questioning, is to waste less time on people you aren't attracted to, and spend more time looking for those you would like. Though I also agree that you should consider whether you are in some way sabotaging yourself.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #26  November 6,2009, 2:01am
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
Very intellectual guys are almost never very masculine, athletic and outgoing. They tend to be nerds. If you did manage to find a guy with all these qualities he would have plenty of offers from other women.

You don't want much do you!
So you think were a bunch of nerds, eh? And you seerm to say nerds in a negative way
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #27  November 6,2009, 2:06am
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OP, I sense you are out of touch with reality and/or you are doing something to turn men away or sabatoge things. I think you need to take a break from dating and focus on yourself. Someone mentioned counseling and the more I think about I am thinking maybe you need to purse some.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #28  November 6,2009, 2:13am
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
Very intellectual guys are almost never very masculine, athletic and outgoing. They tend to be nerds. If you did manage to find a guy with all these qualities he would have plenty of offers from other women.

You don't want much do you!
But I do agree that great lookling, masculine, AND intelligent men are rare. I have only seen a few such men in my lifetime like this, and they were in fact flooded with women. So if the OP thinks she is going to have a guy like this choose her, she better have something that really stands out from all the other ladies.

Personally, I dont want to fight other men for some woman who knows she is hot and desireable. I am not attracted to these types of women. I know some women who are intelligent and hot, and most of them are full of themselves and have guys hanging all over them. That is such a turnoff.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #29  November 6,2009, 3:43am
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bwr wrote :
So you think were a bunch of nerds, eh? And you seerm to say nerds in a negative way
You have totally misread my post. I am a scientist by profession and many could describe me as a nerd, having spent 20 years working in chemical laboratories. Some of the people I admire the most are nerds, eg, Einstein, Stephen Hawking etc.

It is simply that to attract a woman, being a nerd is a turn off- as inidcated by the OP who unrealistically wants it all in a man. I credit my success with women, such as it is, to other aspects of my character- i.e the Johnnyguitarman me.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #30  November 6,2009, 3:47am
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bwr wrote :
But I do agree that great lookling, masculine, AND intelligent men are rare. I have only seen a few such men in my lifetime like this, and they were in fact flooded with women. So if the OP thinks she is going to have a guy like this choose her, she better have something that really stands out from all the other ladies.
-snip-
Exactly! Unless the original poster herself is very intelligent, super hot and has a great, funny, friendly interesting character she will not keep that type of Alpha A++++ man for very long!
 
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