Hybrid thread: 'baggage' and 'age'


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VB_Girl is online now VB_Girl Post #51  November 3,2009, 10:11pm
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jayjay wrote :
But maybe what each person's definition of baggage is relevant to finding the right kind of person. For some people an absence of baggage may = creamy young skin. lol
What about braces?
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #52  November 3,2009, 10:12pm

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VB_Girl wrote :
That requires serious therapy!
jayjay wrote :
What happened to that self-awareness that is supposed to prevent you from having baggage?
Oh yeah...it creeped me out. I told a couple of my sisters afterwards and they asked what did you do? I told them, I took a shower - after I finished shaking enough to get the shower started. You see, I went into my parents' room to use the bathroom not expecting what I got - my dad went flying across the bed screaming don't you knock!! All I could think of doing was diving into the bathroom and shutting the door. Once there, I could not figure out a way to get out so I took a shower, that is what I was planning to do afterall.

Yeah, still frightening!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #53  November 3,2009, 10:15pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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LizziePooh wrote :
lol! I concede - one point for JayJay!! (See how gracious I am!)

I read about that trip (trips!). Does meeting the family and it being a friend's sister-in-law, make it a little more real - like could really go somewhere?? Fingers crossed for you.

Was she cute? I don't think I read what you thought of her...physically.
Wow....you surprise me with your magnanamosity (is that a word?), lol. From what my friend and his wife (her sister) have told me having the family like me seems to be a plus given their culture. Still, as always I think the odds of things working out with any given person are pretty low. Though....at some point you eventually beat the odds with someone. And yeah, she's someone I find quite attractive physically. I'd post a photo of the two of us....but that might be bad luck.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #54  November 3,2009, 10:17pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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VB_Girl wrote :
What about braces?
Ok....are you writing that as a joke.....or because you remember I posted the woman I met recently has them? Kind of freaks me out though.
 
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VB_Girl is online now VB_Girl Post #55  November 3,2009, 10:20pm
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jayjay wrote :
Ok....are you writing that as a joke.....or because you remember I posted the woman I met recently has them? Kind of freaks me out though.
By this point in your life, you should know that women have minds like a steel trap!
Last edited by VB_Girl; November 3,2009 at 10:20pm. Reason: It was both. ;)
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #56  November 3,2009, 10:21pm

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Very cool, JayJay. I hope it works out well for you!


(And remind again...who said Texas would be a great place for you?? - God, I am so modest. How do you people stand it?? lol!)
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #57  November 3,2009, 10:24pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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LizziePooh wrote :
Very cool, JayJay. I hope it works out well for you!


(And remind again...who said Texas would be a great place for you?? - God, I am so modest. How do you people stand it?? lol!)
Patting you on the back. You're da....woman.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #58  November 3,2009, 10:25pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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VB_Girl wrote :
By this point in your life, you should know that women have minds like a steel trap!
Wow...apparently so. I probably should now it....but am still impressed when I see it in action.
 
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PR_Princess is offline PR_Princess Post #59  November 3,2009, 11:05pm
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I think culture & upbringing are more determining factors than just age itself. Baggage is what your psyche makes of it...some people are just better at unpacking it and putting it in it's rightful place instead of lugging it around causing it to be a burden. Don't fall into the trap of father figure though....I know how you all like it when we say "Ai Papi" but that's where it should end. I lost a good older friend of mine not too long ago because she herself made our age difference an issue. Miss our great convo's and outings...I guess she meant well in her own way as she wanted me to meet people my own age....I prefer to just meet interesting people...se la vie
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #60  November 3,2009, 11:21pm
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jayjay wrote :
With regard to your view of what baggage is....these people who are self-aware and have little baggage should be in high demand....so we should snap them up when they're young, before someone else gets them.
That would only be the case if self awareness did not change over time. But it has been my experience that most people become more self-aware with age, which means that their ability to identify, sort through, and let go of that baggage increases. So while it is true that some people continue to accumulate baggage and have more of it as they age, others actually have less with age than they did in youth.

I can tell with with complete certainty that most of my friends in their 40s and 50s have far less baggage than any 20something I know - and definitely far less baggage now than they themselves had in their 20s.

People don't obtain baggage simply through dating. We start to accumulate baggage pretty early on as a result of negative or emotionally painful experiences. The way we are treated by those around us and the way we see others being treated in relationships influence our beliefs, attitudes, and reactions. I think in my life I only ever met one person who made it to adulthood emotionally 'healthy'.

The problem is, that at the ages that we are acquiring those beliefs, we have a limited capacity for self-awareness and a limited ability to identify the assumptions we hold and to challenge our own assumptions and beliefs. At a younger age, we don't have as clear an understanding that our attitudes and beliefs are largely the product of our life experiences. As a result, we cannot identify baggage in ourselves - we see our beliefs as universal truths or tell ourselves 'that's just how I am'. Since we don't identify our baggage as such, we cannot deal with it.

Most people don't actually deal with their baggage until something in their life is obviously not working. In some cases it's the deterioration of a significant relationship while others start to see a pattern that seems to be getting in the way of what they want. But there's usually soem catalyst. The average 20-25 year-old hasn't experienced that catalyst, so they are carting their baggage around and bringing it into relationships completely unaware.

Jayjay, if we lived in a world where every child grew up feeling safe and loved, with healthy role models to teach them appropriate communication, boundaries, and expression of emotions, then sure, a younger person would have less baggage. But if we lived in such a world, then we'd have nothing but healthy adults and the whole issue of baggage would be non-existent regardless of age.

And when it comes right down to it - I'd rather date someone who is aware of their baggage and actively working on dealing with it than someone who is completely oblivious to their stuff. The stuff you don't know about can be far more destructive to a relationship than the baggage that's identified and examined. The unidentified stuff is like a ticking time bomb that's been slipped onto the plane without anyone's knowledge as opposed to the baggage that's been screened.
 
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