Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 11 of 14 « First 9 10 11 12 13 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
nightling nightling is offline
nightling's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2009

Posts: 2,448

See profile

jayjay wrote :
I think this is where what one is talking about in terms of 'self awareness' is the difference. If it's just a verbal knowledge....then I could see that most people continue to increase that throughout their lives. I think this is what you write above that means little with respect to their issues.

Like the way people can be very rigid in their minds....and know that they are so, but this doesn't make them less rigid. I think oftentimes this is what people even on this forum mean when they say they 'know themselves' and what they like and don't like. I could agree that this type of knowledge probably increases in a lot of people over their lifetimes.

However, this isn't what I think of as self awareness. For me this is the awareness that would, for example, actually dissolves that kind of rigidity. That's the kind of self awareness that I don't see very much of.
In general people do not get less tolerant as they age. They lose the beginner's mind. You can train your mind to beat that, but what's the incentive?

For example, I like blueberry poptarts and why should I switch to fudge or even strawberry? Blech, fudge. Strawberry. Disgusting.

Give me blueberry poptarts or give me death!
- November 4th, 2009, 05:25 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#101   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

nightling wrote :
In general people do not get less tolerant as they age. They lose the beginner's mind. You can train your mind to beat that, but what's the incentive?

For example, I like blueberry poptarts and why should I switch to fudge or even strawberry? Blech, fudge. Strawberry. Disgusting.

Give me blueberry poptarts or give me death!
Actually....that's a pretty good example. When I hear most people talk about being self aware it kind of seems like what they're talking about is knowing they like blueberry poptarts more than (blech) fudge ones.
- November 4th, 2009, 05:32 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#102   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
Bagg + age = Baggage. See what you did there?


If we want a thread to stop all the whining about tall men it should be called

Shhh + height = ?


If we want a thread to stop all the inane weight blah, blah, blah

Fat + u a$$ = (spelling is awry on this one but it still works)


Jayjay, you have stumbled upon something here young man.
Ok....let me try to think of one:

cougar-lish-ous.

Does that work?
- November 4th, 2009, 05:37 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#103   Reply With Quote
peg099 peg099 is offline
peg099's Avatar

peg099 has fallen and he landed beside me :)

Sage

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 11,943

See profile

nightling wrote :
Give me blueberry poptarts or give me death!
I'll have cake please

YouTube - Eddie Izzard-Cake or Death
- November 4th, 2009, 06:27 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#104   Reply With Quote
peg099 peg099 is offline
peg099's Avatar

peg099 has fallen and he landed beside me :)

Sage

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 11,943

See profile

Hew wrote :
I have met lots of people who are completely "self-aware" of all their issues. It doesn't mean they do a darn thing about them though!
Awareness is a necessary, but not sufficient condition for change/growth.

You need to be aware in order to do anything about that baggage - but being aware of it does not in and of itself sort through it. It's a multi-step process.
- November 4th, 2009, 06:30 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#105   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

peg099 peg099 is offline
peg099's Avatar

peg099 has fallen and he landed beside me :)

Sage

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 11,943

See profile

Iconography wrote :
Good point, peg099. I was thinking of the in-between "healing" time--when one is aware but in the process of dealing with the "baggage": one can be both aware of one's baggage (that is, be self-aware) and yet still have baggage.

The aware and unaware do not carry their baggage in the same ways, I suppose.
And like Hew pointed out - some people are aware but choose to do nothing with that awareness. But that awareness opens the door to healing/growth/change.
- November 4th, 2009, 06:34 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#106   Reply With Quote
legend29 legend29 is offline
legend29's Avatar

legend29 is happy....:)

Virtuoso

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 2,833

See profile

OMG....UG2BK!!!!!!

I was like dating this guy that was like 15 years younger than me when I was in my early 30's, and he was like sooooo much of a headache cause he had sooooo much baggage...but I figured NMP and thought to myself DEGT....so for COL I can't deal with even thinking about baggage and age CUZ for COL baggage can be like at any age...you know!

Sorry...BTDT!

(Isn't 20y/o lingo grand??????)...lol
- November 4th, 2009, 06:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#107   Reply With Quote
CJF CJF is offline
CJF's Avatar

CJF is pondering life

Quick Study

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 143

See profile

It's not the size of the baggage..it's what's in the suitcase....

I prefer to call baggage "life experience" instead.

So what would you prefer...a young lady with no life experience or one who has a bit and survived through it all and still wanted to date you?

;-)
- November 4th, 2009, 07:43 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#108   Reply With Quote
LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
LizziePooh's Avatar

LizziePooh would enjoy a song.

Power Poster

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 5,172

See profile

Iconography wrote :
Hm... I don't think that self-awareness--or, rather, its lack--necessarily has anything to do with baggage. What about people like me, who went through traumatic experiences which have interfered with our ability, for example, to relate "affectionately" to the opposite sex. That's clearly baggage (isn't it?) and can clearly afflict even the most self-aware.
I don't look at it as that. It only is "baggage" when you treat someone unfairly because of it. You may have hang-ups because of your experience (everyone does with something). We all have triggers and/or insecurities about stuff so we all over-react sometimes. It is when we can't own that over-reaction that is the problem - being able to say, "That was unfair. Sorry - that was my carp getting in the way" goes a long way.

***

The following is a side-topic - But I think there is also a problem with people expecting others to accommodate their carp. It is our carp, we need to own it and admit to it when it gets in the way. We can want someone to understand where we are coming from but we should not expect them to or make them tip-toe around our issues. I think admitting to it when it happens is playing fair and I think a person that is reasonable and cares about us will take our issues into account going forward - but that is just a bonus. They don't have to nor should we expect them to.
- November 4th, 2009, 07:48 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#109   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

legend29 wrote :
OMG....UG2BK!!!!!!

I was like dating this guy that was like 15 years younger than me when I was in my early 30's, and he was like sooooo much of a headache cause he had sooooo much baggage...but I figured NMP and thought to myself DEGT....so for COL I can't deal with even thinking about baggage and age CUZ for COL baggage can be like at any age...you know!

Sorry...BTDT!

(Isn't 20y/o lingo grand??????)...lol
like....omg....you are soooo my bff.
- November 4th, 2009, 08:01 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#110   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 11 of 14 « First 9 10 11 12 13 Last »

Bookmarks

« How to dress hot! | Array | Asking out. »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“BA-HAHAHA! A couple weeks ago, I had something similar happen. I'd been talking face-to-face with this guy for about 10 minutes. He starts filling out some forms and asks if I need corrective ... ” – Lovely_Leo

Join the “Need female perspectives” discussion

“Those are good. Here you go: "Bailando Va" by La Caina YouTube - la caina - bailando va "Solitude Charmante" by Cafe Americaine YouTube - Cafe Americaine - Solitude charmante "She Contemplates ... ” – OldManNoah

Join the “A little night music?” discussion

“That's a pretty obnoxious thing to say to a woman. It basically sounds to me like "you're good enough to cook and clean and take care of kids, but I don't feel excited by you". I'd take that pretty ... ” – lucky173

Join the “That WAS a compliment... I think?!” discussion

“ Men, what are your thoughts on a man like this? I can't for the life of me figure out what ladies want or like but as a man I can say this with confidence: I think it is an unattractive quality ... ” – confusedinfl

Join the “Men who won't work” discussion

“ Ahhhh...gotcha! Yep, that makes perfect sense, but I'd rather just hear, "I'm really not interested in you." All the veiled words are just games, anyway--why bother? You just end up with hurt ... ” – brneyedangel

Join the “When a guy says he's not looking for a relationship...” discussion

“I didn't need any help other than restraining the familiar urge to pat a date on her bottom before she was ready.....old married habits die hard. ” – Dugl

Join the “how do men feel after divorce” discussion

“I'm looking forward to Tron, interesting that Jeff Bridges is the orginal, and the 2010 re-make should be cool. Clash of the Titans looks awesome, but that's just me. Robin Hood might be worth ... ” – Well_Spoken_Man1

Join the “2010's blockbuster movies - which do you want to see?” discussion

“I am so happy for you Scarlett and Peg!! You know w hat? There are a lot of goofballs on POF, but at least you have the opportunity to look through the many matches on there and find someone that ... ” – newbie40something

Join the “Monday, February 8th weekend and date roundup!” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:06 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0