shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #1  November 3,2009, 6:58pm
shoopthedoop's Avatar

is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

Edmonton

Posts: 915

See profile

So after getting dumped by my ex about six weeks ago we are finally meeting to exchange our stuff. Original thread below.

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...-into-ltr.html (Dumped because she couldn't see it turning into an LTR.)

I don't know if I'm 100% over her, but I am feeling much better about things. I've moved on to the extent of joining eH, one bad first meeting and at least one more first meeting lined up for next week.

On the original thread people suggested mailing her stuff back and giving her my return address. I felt that was a little too passive-aggressive for my tastes and think I'm mature enough to handle an IRL final meeting.

I'm not really sure how to approach it. We are having lunch (at the site of our first date), so there will be the need for some discussion. Should I just leave it at pleasantries and a little update with what's been going on in our lives in general?

To compound things, we are meeting two days before her birthday. She is a nice person in many respects and I would like to give her a card at least. Could this minor gesture be misinterpreted?
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  November 3,2009, 7:03pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

I'm not sure what all the history of the relationship was....but I'd keep the communication to the 'pleasantries'. It also sounds like it's taking a little while for you to get over her....so I'd also say meeting at the place of your first date may not be such a good idea. I think I'd also go with wishing her a happy birthday and not going with a card. Good luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  November 3,2009, 7:06pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,720

See profile

I think JayJay is right.

I would meet the woman (unless she had a bad behavior which prompted me to end the relationship.)

There is no reason to have hard feelings for an ending relationship.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #4  November 3,2009, 7:06pm
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,901

See profile

I think it is fine to give her a card. Just don't put anything long in it or use it as anything other than a chance to wish her happy birthday and it shouldn't be misconstrued.

Ask her how she is doing, let her do the talking if you can. Listen to her. Make her feel heard. If she asks how you are doing, tell her what's going on with you but try to stay off the subject of your needs/missing her.

Likely you won't see her again, but you never know. I think it sounds very mature the way you've handled things so far.

Good luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #5  November 3,2009, 7:12pm

Unregistered

Joined: Sep 2009

Posts: 1,410

See profile

Why would you go have lunch at the site of your first date?

I am all for being social with exes..I wouldn't be meeting them out for lunch to exchange stuff! I would want that to be over as quick as possible so I can continue to move forward with my life, especially if I was not 100% over her.

Birthday-place-stuff-Exgf.. All memories.. Too much happening all at once for my taste.

Give me my stuff, here is yours. Happy Birthday, see ya on the flip side!
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; November 3,2009 at 7:20pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #6  November 3,2009, 7:17pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

CaptCrunch23 wrote :
Why would you go have lunch at the site of your first date?

I am all for being social with exes..I wouldn't be meeting them out for lunch to exchange stuff! I would want that to be over as quick as possible so I can continue to move forward with my life.
especially if I was not 100% over her.

Birthday-place-girl..too many factors to get into my head about the past..

Give me my stuff, here is yours. Happy birthday.. see ya on the flip side!
Same here.
 
  Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #7  November 3,2009, 7:33pm
shoopthedoop's Avatar

is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

Edmonton

Posts: 915

See profile

nightling wrote :
I think it is fine to give her a card. Just don't put anything long in it or use it as anything other than a chance to wish her happy birthday and it shouldn't be misconstrued.

Ask her how she is doing, let her do the talking if you can. Listen to her. Make her feel heard. If she asks how you are doing, tell her what's going on with you but try to stay off the subject of your needs/missing her.

Likely you won't see her again, but you never know. I think it sounds very mature the way you've handled things so far.

Good luck.
You seem to be in the minority, but I do find it interesting you are the only woman to reply to the thread.

I will definitely stay off the subject of my needs or missing her.

I'm trying to be as mature as possible about this.

The restaurant isn't that big of a deal. Just happens to be close to where she lives and where my plans are for the meeting.
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #8  November 3,2009, 7:59pm
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,901

See profile

shoopthedoop wrote :
You seem to be in the minority, but I do find it interesting you are the only woman to reply to the thread.

I will definitely stay off the subject of my needs or missing her.

I'm trying to be as mature as possible about this.

The restaurant isn't that big of a deal. Just happens to be close to where she lives and where my plans are for the meeting.
You want to keep the door open. They're saying why bother.

They have a valid point, but it's not addressing what you asked.
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #9  November 3,2009, 8:26pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

Hey Shoop,

I remember the original thread and I am a girl, btw - lol! I would keep it to small talk and just exchanging your stuff. I would not do the card; you may wish her Happy Birthday if you like.

My reasoning is 1) I don't think you are over her and 2) I think you let her run everything when you were together so it may be easy for you to fall back into that pattern. I would just keep it only to surface stuff so she does not get to you.

You may still want her back and that is fine. But do it on your terms not hers.

Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #10  November 3,2009, 8:51pm
shoopthedoop's Avatar

is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

Edmonton

Posts: 915

See profile

LizziePooh wrote :
Hey Shoop,

I remember the original thread and I am a girl, btw - lol! I would keep it to small talk and just exchanging your stuff. I would not do the card; you may wish her Happy Birthday if you like.

My reasoning is 1) I don't think you are over her and 2) I think you let her run everything when you were together so it may be easy for you to fall back into that pattern. I would just keep it only to surface stuff so she does not get to you.

You may still want her back and that is fine. But do it on your terms not hers.

Good luck!
Thanks Lizzie, I guessed you were a girl from your screen name.

I've heard loud and clear from everyone about the birthday card.

As to your reasoning, here's what I'm thinking. The reason why I said I'm not 100% over her is that I would get back together with her only after a serious discussion about control in the relationship. I don't think she would go for it, if she is even interested in getting back together at all.

I'm approaching the meeting with an open mind, but will definitely make sure to keep an eye out for myself if we proceed with anything in the future. If we never see each other again? Meh, at least I'l get my stuff back.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« When she talks about her ex | Dating | Is there ever any excuse for this? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Holding out for love at first sight is ambitious when you're young and a sign of arrested development when you're middle aged D_Lion Dating 85 December 7,2010 4:28pm
Best Meeting Places spacecapsule Dating 7 August 31,2009 3:51pm
weight insecurity when meeting new people reenz Ask a Dating Expert 21 August 26,2009 8:36am
IM's for hours, but hasn't initiated a meeting ZisaGirl Dating 12 August 22,2009 7:02pm
Post First Meeting SingleIntheCity Dating 21 August 16,2009 3:32pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The tennis ball story is a good analogy, RD, and that's how I interpret "gut feeling" -- a conclusion/sense of something that's a thought, not a feeling; though it will have feelings associated with ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion

“Agree. Given where you are emotionally, I would cease all communication with Mr. Trade Show. You're vulnerable. He's up for a challenge. It's playing with fire. You'll be in a bad place in the ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Received lovely email from former poofer” discussion

“How about phone calls, then?” –  barbarella_42

Join the “Advice on Response time” discussion

“I have never spoken to a woman like he has. Yeah, I have never spoken to a woman like that either. It is a hard call to whether he is just as jerk, or whether he is a player. Both are feasible ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “So, men. Explain this to me, please!” discussion

“I have come to this same conclusion. Thank you.” –  bibittyboo

Join the “Confused about date #2” discussion

“Harmonygirl, I do not usually make up my mind on blanket situations but instead would examine each one on it's own merits, so I cannot answer your question. However, just in the going about of daily ... ” –  Ephemera

Join the “Atheism, Religion and Tolerance” discussion

“I was ok until the kiss on the cheek part....That doesn't sound like your defenses were up at all... It's one thing for a guy to walk up and start with the cheesy lines....But as soon as I say, "no ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “So this guy walks into a bar . . .” discussion

“ No. It is not wise. You have to throw all your eggs into one basket for love to work at all. Relationships are inherently riskier than careers. You can't use the same rules. You might lose ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Becoming Exclusive” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:49pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0