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knittingtakesballs knittingtakesballs is offline
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Here on eH I have been talking to a really great guy. Just recently, he let me know he's divorced. I have never been married. The reason it did not work out is understandable, and he let me know that I could ask anything I wanted and he would understand if it was a dealbreaker for me. He does not have/want children, I am the same.

I'm unfamiliar with any potential issues could arise from dating a man who is divorced. I'm not going to run for the hills, I think being divorced doesn't mean that someone's damaged goods. I have plans to meet him this weekend for the first time to assess our chemistry, and we've been talking on the phone/email/text for a few weeks. Through hours of conversation, he does seem very emotionally healthy, mature, and genuine. I've talked to lots of men before and I'm well aware of the red flags of total emotional baggage.

However, is there anything I should specifically be cautious of when dating someone who is divorced? Is there any behaviors I should look for that would indicate he isn't ready to start a new relationship? (fyi he's been single for ~10 months, he was with his ex for about 9 years, only the tail end of which was he married)
- November 3rd, 2009, 11:46 am
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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knittingtakesballs wrote :
However, is there anything I should specifically be cautious of when dating someone who is divorced?

An ex-wife mooching off his salary.

Without children, I do not think he is materially different from single men. Remember, emotional attachment may exist or not regardless of marriage.

I think you should check him out the same way you would anyone else.
- November 3rd, 2009, 04:47 pm
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gr8guy gr8guy is offline
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Some things to consider as I have dated two divorced women - not at the same time.

1. Are you the first woman he has dated since the divorce? There may still be baggage he needs to deal with.

2. Children, does he have any. If he does this could wreak your carefully planned dates.

As said above, check him out as though you would any other guy.
- November 3rd, 2009, 04:55 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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knittingtakesballs wrote :
Just recently, he let me know he's divorced. I have never been married. The reason it did not work out is understandable, and he let me know that I could ask anything I wanted and he would understand if it was a dealbreaker for me.
Pretty much everyone will give you a story and 'reason' that sounds 'understandable'. What else would they tell you....that they were a selfish jerk? Not likely. Keep your eyes open and don't take everything you are told as gospel.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:15 pm
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Bluemay2 Bluemay2 is offline
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Since he's only been single for 10 months, he may have some lingering emotional baggage. You'll find out soon enough as you talk more. If the relationship develops into something more serious, something to consider is if he's still financially connected to the ex-wife (alimony, ongoing property settlement, paying her debts as part of the divorce settlement) as these things will affect your relationship.
- November 3rd, 2009, 08:12 pm
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nightling nightling is offline
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jayjay wrote :
Pretty much everyone will give you a story and 'reason' that sounds 'understandable'. What else would they tell you....that they were a selfish jerk? Not likely. Keep your eyes open and don't take everything you are told as gospel.
QFT
- November 3rd, 2009, 08:17 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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Good advice by the others.
- November 3rd, 2009, 09:49 pm
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suzyque suzyque is offline
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What was the reason for the breakup of his marriage? That is a huge factor in whether he is ready to date. If it was mutual than he probably has very few issues. If she left him suddenly and he was still in love with her he needs time to heal. If he was cheated on, speaking from experience, he has some baggage. I would definetely give him a chance. He sounds like a great guy and the fact that he is willing to communicate openly is a positive sign. If you are the first one he's dated since the divorce beware of the rebound relationship. You'll be able to tell real quick, within a couple dates, whether he is healed.
- November 3rd, 2009, 09:57 pm
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Hew Hew is offline
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At least a divorced person was able to commit to someone at one point. That is a positive. Means they probably can again.
- November 3rd, 2009, 11:28 pm
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Sassafras54 Sassafras54 is online now
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You said they were together 9 years, only married right at the end. I would wonder about that. Why wait so long to get married? Why split up right after marrying? Could be not anything to worry about, could be some kind of commitment phobia or something.
- November 4th, 2009, 08:38 am
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