Chances are the reason it didn't go any further isn't because you were too nice. Manners are always appreciated. If they're not, you're with a Philistine and should exit immediately.

Nor are all women fawning over alpha males. And, despite the popularity of "player" instructions and websites, most aren't looking for someone who'll play games by pretending to be less interested than they are.

But there are sometimes issues.

I have an acquaintance. Let's call him Luke. Luke thinks he's a good guy. He'll tell anyone who'll listen how nice he is. He's always helping and making himself available. In a relationship, he can't do enough for his partner.

Here's the problem. Luke does all that for himself. Without regard to how it makes his partner feel. Without regard to her boundaries (but I like her, so what's wrong with showing her I like her?). Without regard to her feedback that he's coming on a bit too strong, moving too quickly, or triggering a negative response in her. He's helpful even when she asks him not to be. Luke doesn't leave at that point, when he sees that they have different wants from a relationship, nor does he do the serious self-evaluation needed to see if he's capable of change. He stays. And keeps doing what he always does. When she leaves, Luke can't understand it. All he did was care about her and hold her in the highest regard. Even when she ends things, he hounds her to stay friends, and acts out some passive aggressive hostility when she declines the friendship. But what is he doing wrong? All he wants is to stay friends with someone he really cared about.

Do you see the problem here?

I don't know if this is what you're doing. I do know that there are a lot of self-proclaimed nice guys out there who really aren't that nice at all. If this dating thing is a pattern with you, you might look into that. Ask friends what their perceptions are of you in a relationship. And listen to the feedback without getting defensive.

Social intercourse requires us to have self-awareness and healthy boundaries in addition to being good. And it requires you to ask the question...good for whom?

Then again, they could just be idiots. I don't know. You're the only one who can answer that.

Exactly what I was going to say.

You can be "nice" while still also being decisive, firm, and opinionated. A real person and not an amorphous blob of niceness.