Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 9 of 11 « First 7 8 9 10 11
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
peg099 peg099 is offline
peg099's Avatar

peg099 has fallen and he landed beside me :)

Sage

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 11,943

See profile

Johnnyguitarman wrote :
Thats not the way it works. If you are the "nice guy" or "good guy" to the "emotionally healthy" women then they dump you after the first date. The type of woman you talk about has no respect for the "nice guys" of the world. If the woman you are seeing does turn out to be insecure or thriving on drama then it is time to finish the relationship. I have found that being "nice guy" is a road to nowhere and being less nice and making the woman work harder for the relationship reaps great benefits, i.e. she actually wants to stay with you and is much happier.
It is not game playing, it is a fundamental shift in attitude.
By the way, I am still good to these women, just not in the "nice/good guy" mold.

Nice guys finish last because women quite rightly hold them in contempt.

nice guy= weak.
Don't confuse nice guys with good men.

What you say applies to the nice guy, but not the good man. The behavior I was commenting on was the behavior of a jerk. You were promoting game playing and 'being mean to keep them keen'. Healthy women don't tolerate game playing and meanness.

The world isn't made up of dichotomies where there are only nice guys and jerks to choose from. There are plenty of decent men that don't fall into either category - and those are the ones that a healthy woman goes for. Nice guys and jerks are just the flip side of the same coin.

Emotionally healthy women want an emotionally healthy man. The 'nice guy' isn't emotionally healthy, so of course she doesn't want him. But she doesn't want the game-player either. An emotionally healthy woman values emotional health and integrity in her partner.
Last edited by peg099; November 6th, 2009 at 04:37 pm.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:17 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#81   Reply With Quote
peg099 peg099 is offline
peg099's Avatar

peg099 has fallen and he landed beside me :)

Sage

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 11,943

See profile

DancingFool wrote :
You can't be serious..... So many people do those things that it's blatantly noticeable when someone fails to do those things.... I honestly cannot believe that any woman would think a guy is trying too hard by demonstrating basic civil manners......Wow....maybe I just live in a happy bubble......
Hmmmm.... what percentage of the men you know would pull out a chair for you? I've had that done maybe a dozen times in my life, and I've always either nearly landed on the floor, or, more often, the chair ends up in a completely uncomfortable position relative to the table and it's more awkward to adjust it then if I had simply sat down on my own in the first place.

It absolutely can come across as trying too hard if the guy is nervous, especially if he cuts you off in order to get to the door first. Unless he actually knows how to do these things properly, it can feel very awkward.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:31 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#82   Reply With Quote
chawks64 chawks64 is online now
chawks64's Avatar

chawks64 is trying very hard to be patient. Definitely not my best talent.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,211

See profile

peg099 wrote :
It only works on certain kinds of women - those who are very insecure and those who thrive on drama.. If that's who you want to date, then by all means, proceed as you were. If you are looking for someone who is emotionally healthy and has healthy respect for herself and people around her, this tactic will not work.
I agree. I was dating a guy that didn't call or email for 9 days after our 2nd date. I figured he lost interest and wrote him off after a week. When he called and wanted to go out, I was surprised, but I wasn't busy so I went. He seemed shocked that I had thought we were done.

If I had gotten even a hint that he had done that on purpose and not because he was socially inept, I would have bailed. I'm putting my heart and emotions on the line, and I refuse to play games with someone manipulating the situation.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:35 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#83   Reply With Quote
chawks64 chawks64 is online now
chawks64's Avatar

chawks64 is trying very hard to be patient. Definitely not my best talent.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,211

See profile

peg099 wrote :
Don't confuse nice guys with good men.

What you say applies to the nice guy, but not the good man. The behavior I was commenting on was the behavior of a jerk. The world isn't made up of dichotomies where there are only nice guys and jerks to choose from. There are plenty of decent men that don't fall into either category - and those are the ones that a healthy woman goes for. Nice guys and jerks are just the flip side of the same coin.

Emotionally healthy women want an emotionally healthy man. The 'nice guy' isn't emotionally healthy, so of course she doesn't want him. But she doesn't want the game-player either. An emotionally healthy woman values emotional health and integrity in her partner.
I'm just in complete agreement with you today!
- November 6th, 2009, 04:36 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#84   Reply With Quote
Faira Faira is offline
Faira's Avatar

Faira is four steps ahead.

Veteran

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,947

See profile

peg099 wrote :
Don't confuse nice guys with good men.

What you say applies to the nice guy, but not the good man. The behavior I was commenting on was the behavior of a jerk. You were promoting game playing and 'being mean to keep them keen'. Healthy women don't tolerate game playing and meanness.

The world isn't made up of dichotomies where there are only nice guys and jerks to choose from. There are plenty of decent men that don't fall into either category - and those are the ones that a healthy woman goes for. Nice guys and jerks are just the flip side of the same coin.

Emotionally healthy women want an emotionally healthy man. The 'nice guy' isn't emotionally healthy, so of course she doesn't want him. But she doesn't want the game-player either. An emotionally healthy woman values emotional health and integrity in her partner.
You ROCK, Peg!!
- November 6th, 2009, 04:41 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#85   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

peg099 wrote :
Emotionally healthy women want an emotionally healthy man. The 'nice guy' isn't emotionally healthy, so of course she doesn't want him. But she doesn't want the game-player either. An emotionally healthy woman values emotional health and integrity in her partner.
So does having a woman tell me "You are a good man" then dump me a week and a half later imply that her emotional health was an issue?
- November 6th, 2009, 04:47 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#86   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

shoopthedoop wrote :
So does having a woman tell me "You are a good man" then dump me a week and a half later imply that her emotional health was an issue?
I'd say, if you're ever told you're a good man just reply "I know, I am".
- November 6th, 2009, 04:50 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#87   Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

jayjay wrote :
I'd say, if you're ever told you're a good man just reply "I know, I am".
Better than you deserve? Naw, that wouldn't be a good guy thing to say at all.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:52 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#88   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay ....is feeling optimistic.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,275

See profile

shoopthedoop wrote :
Better than you deserve? Naw, that wouldn't be a good guy thing to say at all.
I wouldn't make that particular comment myself....but if a woman said that when breaking up with me I'd feel free to agree with her.
- November 6th, 2009, 04:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#89   Reply With Quote
shoopthedoop shoopthedoop is offline
shoopthedoop's Avatar

shoopthedoop is happy with the way things are going!

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jul 2009

Posts: 812

See profile

jayjay wrote :
I wouldn't make that particular comment myself....but if a woman said that when breaking up with me I'd feel free to agree with her.
I wouldn't really say that either ... although I may have thought it.

I think someone telling you that mid-break up would feel worse than "It's not you, it's me."
- November 6th, 2009, 04:58 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#90   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 9 of 11 « First 7 8 9 10 11

Bookmarks

« Frozen solid | Array | Proper Etiquette »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
do nice guys like good girls? AgOrApHoBiChEaRt Dating 75 January 21st, 2010 10:27 pm
Anything current or upcoming that's good to see on a date? bravethestorm Dating 17 August 17th, 2009 04:00 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It could just be playful. Some people are awkward in online communication but not over the phone or in person. It could be creepy too though. It can't hurt to give the phone call a try and see ... ” – suzyblueeyes

Join the “He asks me if I'm allowed to call boys??? What??” discussion

“Agree with the others - take him at his word. Usually means a guy is looking for sex. I've also had friends in this situation who find out the guy is married... Why would you be on a dating website ... ” – trixie1868

Join the “When a guy says he's not looking for a relationship...” discussion

“Regardless, there is definitely an ANSWER! The answer is: run..... hide..... get away! People like that end up being the type that just sit around doing nothing, making you do all the work, then ... ” – misswright

Join the “Doesn't want to work, doesn't want sex, drinks” discussion

“I don't believe in love at first sight. I think love takes time to develop. However, I do believe in the twinkle. This was the term my late husband and I used to use to describe how we met. I ... ” – suzyblueeyes

Join the “Is love at first sight real?” discussion

“I totally agree with the full body shot for women. If you don't post at least one, then guys assume you're hiding something. Also, if all of your photos include you drinking in a limo, or in Vegas, ... ” – BigP

Join the “Using eHarmony: Online Profile Photo Tips for Guys” discussion

“Okay... to me.... it really doesn't matter if HE thinks it's acceptable vs rude to say "stop talking" while interrupting you. What SHOULD matter is that TO YOU IT IS RUDE! After all (as I put it ... ” – richey

Join the “Stop Talking” discussion

“I already know all people are imperfect and am prepared to enter into a relationship with an imperfect person. I don't need to live with someone to figure that out. In fact I usually figure that ... ” – D_Lion

Join the “co-habiting with no engagement... smart or not?” discussion

“Sexual bias plays no role in confidence and dating post divorce. It really depends on the circumstances surrounding the divorce in how they will be. Some of the factors are length of marriage ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “how do men feel after divorce” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:13 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0