peg099 is offline peg099 Post #71  November 5,2009, 11:44pm
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
I disagree with the suggestion that game playing is not a good idea. My best success with women and relationships has always been when I was not trying, was not keen, did not phone often and was reluctant to share feelings etc. Then the girl chases me.

Be mean, it keeps em keen!
It only works on certain kinds of women - those who are very insecure and those who thrive on drama.. If that's who you want to date, then by all means, proceed as you were. If you are looking for someone who is emotionally healthy and has healthy respect for herself and people around her, this tactic will not work.
 
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flowerchild66 is offline flowerchild66 Post #72  November 6,2009, 2:55am
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jayjay wrote :
More of the self-proclaimed 'Lukes' that I"ve known are the type that are super pleasing to a woman initially....but then reveal a very selfish side and all that 'giving' stops before long.
You nailed it JJ! It's all for show, or the effort of being nice is too much and they revert back to their true nature which is vastly counter to what they presented in the beginning.
 
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Johnnyguitarman is offline Johnnyguitarman Post #73  November 6,2009, 3:34am
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peg099 wrote :
It only works on certain kinds of women - those who are very insecure and those who thrive on drama.. If that's who you want to date, then by all means, proceed as you were. If you are looking for someone who is emotionally healthy and has healthy respect for herself and people around her, this tactic will not work.
Thats not the way it works. If you are the "nice guy" or "good guy" to the "emotionally healthy" women then they dump you after the first date. The type of woman you talk about has no respect for the "nice guys" of the world. If the woman you are seeing does turn out to be insecure or thriving on drama then it is time to finish the relationship. I have found that being "nice guy" is a road to nowhere and being less nice and making the woman work harder for the relationship reaps great benefits, i.e. she actually wants to stay with you and is much happier.
It is not game playing, it is a fundamental shift in attitude.
By the way, I am still good to these women, just not in the "nice/good guy" mold.

Nice guys finish last because women quite rightly hold them in contempt.

nice guy= weak.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #74  November 6,2009, 3:50am
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Johnnyguitarman wrote :
Thats not the way it works. If you are the "nice guy" or "good guy" to the "emotionally healthy" women then they dump you after the first date. The type of woman you talk about has no respect for the "nice guys" of the world. If the woman you are seeing does turn out to be insecure or thriving on drama then it is time to finish the relationship. I have found that being "nice guy" is a road to nowhere and being less nice and making the woman work harder for the relationship reaps great benefits, i.e. she actually wants to stay with you and is much happier.
It is not game playing, it is a fundamental shift in attitude.
By the way, I am still good to these women, just not in the "nice/good guy" mold.

Nice guys finish last because women quite rightly hold them in contempt.

nice guy= weak.
(I think this is a stand-alone topic for a thread..hmm)


My impression is what they value above ALL else, is male CONFIDENCE, no matter whether found in good, or bad guys; it is more important than ANYTHING else.


I have come to realize this to be very true, finally, after comparing notes here and with other men, that NOTHING is more important, to almost ALL women.

I even read of one *on here* who disclosed his Online dating profile was so outrageous it bordered on satire: "She must be willing to go for sex on the first date, and have breakfast made for me in the morning, and then leave quietly".


He said that despite this, the number of pings he got from women was huge, almost more than could be counted.


Likewise, I read that any CONFIDENT appearing man could go into a bar, and ask TWENTY women, seriatim, to have sex with him;

And as a result, get slapped a LOT less than he would think;

And laid, a LOT more.
Last edited by 6dle899; November 6,2009 at 4:11am.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #75  November 6,2009, 6:43am
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peg099 wrote :
If being 'nice' is all you have, that on its own isn't enough. But if you are simply a decent guy who does things like opens doors for woman I would say the following:
1) be aware of the personal space issue.
2) keep in mind that in this day and age, so few people do those things that sometimes it can throw us a bit when someone does. Sometimes I'm not quite sure how to react because I'm so used to automatically doing things for myself. For example, I never mastered the technique of sitting down on a chair that someone is holding out for me at a table. So it just feels really awkward and never quite works out.
3) Sometimes doing those kinds of things can be interpreted as 'trying too hard'. This is especially the case if the guy appears very nervous.
You can't be serious..... So many people do those things that it's blatantly noticeable when someone fails to do those things.... I honestly cannot believe that any woman would think a guy is trying too hard by demonstrating basic civil manners......Wow....maybe I just live in a happy bubble......
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #76  November 6,2009, 7:55am
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DancingFool wrote :
You can't be serious..... So many people do those things that it's blatantly noticeable when someone fails to do those things.... I honestly cannot believe that any woman would think a guy is trying too hard by demonstrating basic civil manners......Wow....maybe I just live in a happy bubble......
I walk with a cane. In the name of being "gentlemanly", I've had men grab my arm when they figure I've needed help.

The intentions are good, but it makes me feel very uncomfortable, when "civil manners" means that I don't get the choice about whether or not I am touched.

That particular dynamnic is partly an issue of courtesy toward people with disabilities as well as gender...but the issue still stands even if it's totally related to gender.

Behaving in a way that obviously makes people uncomfortable, even if it is the "civil" way to behave, isn't good manners...because the fact that the other party is made uncomfortable by it, and you're persisting in doing it, makes *you* rude. Manners are supposed to be about making other people feel as comfortable as possible.

Treat people like people. Ask if they'd prefer it if you do something, ("May I get the door? May I pull out your chair?), and listen if they say no. Seems simple to me. *shrugs*.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #77  November 6,2009, 9:30am

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Faira wrote :
Treat people like people. Ask if they'd prefer it if you do something, ("May I get the door? May I pull out your chair?), and listen if they say no. Seems simple to me. *shrugs*.
Yes. Always ask first (excluding kiss- that's what i learn from here).
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #78  November 6,2009, 11:50am
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I dated a lot of girls before I started going out with my curent girl friend. I am a nice guy but I am true to myself. I learned a lot about how to be a better catch with the up and downs of dateing and getting dumped. It's a process. Sadly it is a process of elimitation not just of you or me but by you and me. I learned how to date better. I learned how to leave or be left better. Don't change who you are. I am still a nice guy. But now I am a nice guy who doesn't let people walk all over me.

My girlfriend is a friend of mine from church. She told me she only started haveing feelings for me a few months ago. It's not that I had changed but my attitude towards dateing had changed.

We have been exclusive for awhile and are haveing a wonderful time.

Don't lose hope,
Bearwolf102
 
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lavenderlady is offline lavenderlady Post #79  November 6,2009, 12:21pm
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I would love to find an old fashion guy. After being married for 19 years and single again at 41 and old fashion guy would be heaven sent. I think you guy are a dying breed and it is real shame.
 
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bct31 is offline bct31 Post #80  November 6,2009, 12:33pm
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I agree with many of the other posts here. I doubt the women are referring to your manners when they say you are too nice. Every woman loves some chivalry and opening doors is just the gentleman thing to do. I would think these woman are probably referring to other things, i.e your overall personality. I think both genders want to date someone that has a mix of characteristics. For women, most want the guy to be chivalrous but also have some edge to them. I don't want to be out with a guy and feel like I'm the tougher out of the 2 of us. I want to know the man can stand up for both of us if necessary. The alpha male with a bit of librarian/comedian/nice guy all mixed into one. Same as they say men want a woman that's madonna in the bedroom, martha stewart in the kitchen and mary poppins in the nursery.
 
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