alissag is offline alissag Post #11  November 3,2009, 4:37pm
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melman wrote :
Exactly what I was going to say.

You can be "nice" while still also being decisive, firm, and opinionated. A real person and not an amorphous blob of niceness.
Not quite the way I'd say it, but, I always love to hear your point of view, Melman!

I think it comes down to this, she didn't feel a spark or chemistry. That's how it works for me and have been on the receiving end of this "term" as well.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #12  November 3,2009, 4:54pm
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the nice guy VS the Nice Guy

The Holy Drive-Thru of Lurve - No More Mr. Nice Guy

though LBMM explained it very well.
 
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Shelby is offline Shelby Post #13  November 3,2009, 5:01pm
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When a guy makes a "nice-guy-but..." impression on me, it's usually because he shows me he has manners but not much else.

He's read the nice-guy procedure manual and proclaims he knows how to treat a lady. But it's all out of the book and there's not much else.

He leaves it up to her to make all the dating decisions. He indulges in passive decision-making. Or he does it all in an effort to please her without really knowing her, and in the process, loses his own identity.

He doesn't seem capable of deep or independent thought. He seems really amiable and pleasant, but doesn't seem to have an opinion on anything.

It's difficult to engage him in discussion other than pleasantries. There are lots of dead spots where the conversational ball rolls to a stop.

He doesn't seem to have any activities (hobbies, sports, family, work) that he is passionate about.

He seems to be looking for me to "complete him", but I'm not looking for a blank slate that opens doors for me.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #14  November 3,2009, 5:03pm

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poor luke lol.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #15  November 3,2009, 5:11pm
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PY_2 wrote :
poor luke lol.
Really? Out of all that you got "poor Luke?"
 
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Diann1950 is offline Diann1950 Post #16  November 3,2009, 5:18pm
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Women do like a nice, polite guy. But he has to also have a personality, opinions, values and the courage of his convictions. If you are just agreeable to everything, what do you care about. Even if I disagree with man, I will respect him and be attracted to him if he can stand up for himself. Sometimes that is very attractive.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #17  November 3,2009, 5:21pm

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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
Really? Out of all that you got "poor Luke?"
Yes
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #18  November 3,2009, 5:30pm
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PY_2 wrote :
Yes
It's a good thing you came back when you did. I see that you could use a bit of re-training.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #19  November 3,2009, 5:36pm

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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
It's a good thing you came back when you did. I see that you could use a bit of re-training.
hmmm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #20  November 3,2009, 5:41pm
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There are so many of these types of threads on these boards and they all have one thing in common - the OP invariably says he is a nice guy who is being rejected because he has proper manners - i.e. opens doors for her.

How exactly does this make you anything? Do you realize that just about every single man out there, even ones who were raised in a barn, have enough social grace or just plain common sense to open doors and otherwise demonstrate basic social civility while out on a date with a woman? Why in the world would you think that basic manners make you somehow different and nicer than anyone else out there?

Anyway, the real point here is that when she says that you are a nice guy but I don't want to see you again , it means that she did not feel any chemistry and there is not much you can do about that. You will go on many many dates before you finally meet someone where the chemistry is mutual.

Also, what everyone else said - if you are acting like a spineless blob, if you don't make any decisions and dump everything in her lap, if you don't plan the date, if you don't stand by your opinions or don't even have any, if you are looking for her to entertain you, to provide you with passions and hobbies and a life, you'll be looking for a woman for a really loooooong time. Majority of women absolutely hate it when a guy can't even pick a place to meet without getting his panties into a wad. Not saying that you are any of the above, but if you are, I suggest changing a few things around.

To be really frank, I've never actually met a self proclaimed nice guy who actually was nice - pretty much an automatic red flag.
 
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