chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #91  November 6,2009, 4:00pm
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is keeping warm with her Honey.

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jayjay wrote :
I wouldn't make that particular comment myself....but if a woman said that when breaking up with me I'd feel free to agree with her.
Hey, it's not just the women doing that. Don't forget - I'm the woman that was dumped because I made a guy "too happy".
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #92  November 6,2009, 4:03pm
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chawks64 wrote :
Hey, it's not just the women doing that. Don't forget - I'm the woman that was dumped because I made a guy "too happy".
That's something that definitely came from an emotionally unhealthy person.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #93  November 6,2009, 4:09pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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chawks64 wrote :
Hey, it's not just the women doing that. Don't forget - I'm the woman that was dumped because I made a guy "too happy".
Are you sure he used the word 'happy'....or did he say 'gay'? lol
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #94  November 6,2009, 4:12pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
So does having a woman tell me "You are a good man" then dump me a week and a half later imply that her emotional health was an issue?
Not necessarily, because there may have been other things missing for her. Nobody has just one criteria for choosing a partner. Being a good man is one of the criteria she would be looking for, albeit a very important one.

Let's say a woman wants a man who is highly intelligent. She meets a man who fits that bill, but he doesn't have other qualities she wants - emotional health, a sense of humor - or she doesn't find him attractive. Her choosing not to pursue a relationship with him doesn't mean that she is being insincere in saying that she wants intelligence. It simply means that that particular intelligent man didn't have the total package she's looking for.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #95  November 6,2009, 4:13pm
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jayjay wrote :
Are you sure he used the word 'happy'....or did he say 'gay'? lol
No, there aren't a lot of men I'm absolutely positively sure are 100% straight, but he's one of them.

shoopthedoop wrote :
That's something that definitely came from an emotionally unhealthy person.
Bingo!
 
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Spee is offline Spee Post #96  November 6,2009, 4:23pm
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That is like the age old question. I have spent quite a bit of time single and out of the dating scene because I just wanted to be selfish and focus on me.

I was in a relationship where I was what this conversation is about the "the nice guy". I was literally a floor mat and definitely needed to re-evaluate myself and how I went about dating. Was I totally in the wrong maybe, maybe not. The important lesson was as some posters have discussed is being able to balance being confident and well mannered with over generosity.

To me being too nice conveys a few things. First and i thought this of myself as well, but it in a way shows a lack of confidence and self esteem in yourself. Look at it this way do you always avoid confrontation even if you are right and should stand up for yourself.

Secondly, it also shows that you do not or often would put aside your passions and desires for the desires of someone else. That's not all that healthy because you do some much for others trying to prove or show them how amazing you think you are. Believe me follow your heart be yourself and stand up for your opinions. I didn't for a very long time and taking some time to myself to re-evaluate my self and how I interact has helped a lot.

Be nice, be yourself.

But at the end of the day do it for you, and believe your date will see that and find that attractive.

Its a hard thing to balance the whole nice/too nice. Its a personal thing and stick to your guns be natural and do what is comfortable. If a woman isn't into you that's ok as well there are other people out there anyways and a world of opportunity.

Best of luck
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #97  November 6,2009, 4:35pm
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peg099 wrote :
Healthy women don't tolerate game playing and meanness.
Actually, that applies to men as well. Healthy men don't tolerate game playing and meanness either.
 
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TheWanderer is offline TheWanderer Post #98  November 6,2009, 5:03pm
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chawks64 wrote :
Hey, it's not just the women doing that. Don't forget - I'm the woman that was dumped because I made a guy "too happy".
I had two girls tell me they weren't interested because I was "too perfect." Two completely separate times too, so it's not like that was the suggestion in that month's Cosmo.

To be fair to them, this was college and they basically weren't ready for anything long term. So it wasn't a complete line... just mostly :P
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #99  November 6,2009, 6:18pm
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TheWanderer wrote :
I had two girls tell me they weren't interested because I was "too perfect." Two completely separate times too, so it's not like that was the suggestion in that month's Cosmo.

To be fair to them, this was college and they basically weren't ready for anything long term. So it wasn't a complete line... just mostly :P
It's rare, if ever, that someone will tell you the real reason they are dumping you while they are doing it.
 
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Gumbee is offline Gumbee Post #100  November 6,2009, 6:57pm
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I read the first 3 or 4 pages then jumped to the last one, so forgive me if I'm saying something someone's already laid claim to:

If a guy has to tell me he's "nice", I don't trust it. Same thing if someone says in their profile they have a really great sense of humour, but not one word written is funny, I don't believe them. Actions speak louder than words.

An additional comment: My daughter is going through some dating issues - been dating a lot of "bad boys" - mostly the emotionally unavailable, hot/cold/push/pull types and it's been making her (and everyone around her) crazy. After a lot of soul searching she came to an interesting conclusion about why she was continually chasing after these types. She said, a "bad boy" puts it out there - he's not hiding anything so she knows what she's getting into from the start. She thinks the "nice guys" are just "bad boys" in disguise and she doesn't trust them.

I don't think her logic is.. well.. logical, but just another perspective I thought worth sharing.

- G.
 
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