I cant mess this one up, this time


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Galvan316 is offline Galvan316 Post #1  November 2,2009, 3:02pm
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Recently,

I met a woman who after reading her profile, I was hooked. Now, Im guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve but, I really think I like her. Last night after days of emails, We chatted online for about 5 hours. All impressions I got were positives, although I think I slipped up in asking her too soon to meet up.

I really really dont want to mess this one up, We've had pretty deep conversations about what exactly we are both looking for and Im itching to meet her, but Im afraid im going to say or do something to jeopardize it.

Please Help!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  November 2,2009, 3:33pm
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Sorry, no help for you.

If you stay interested and eager, she may get scared.

If you back off, she may conclude momentum faded and you lost interest.

Anything can happen, despite your best efforts. I prefer just being honest with them, not giving more than I get, and letting things unfold over time. Works as well as any other strategy.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  November 2,2009, 3:33pm

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Galvan316 wrote :
Recently,

I met a woman who after reading her profile, I was hooked. Now, Im guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve but, I really think I like her. Last night after days of emails, We chatted online for about 5 hours. All impressions I got were positives, although I think I slipped up in asking her too soon to meet up.

I really really dont want to mess this one up, We've had pretty deep conversations about what exactly we are both looking for and Im itching to meet her, but Im afraid im going to say or do something to jeopardize it.

Please Help!
Unless that woman was in total boredom and nothing else to do, no woman would spend five hours chatting online with you (for free). So you're ok there. Breathe in..breathe out. You've been emailing for days, I've had women asking to meet up after two weeks of emailing, so few days is ok.

If you're nervous about this...just remember, chances are sometimes they might be nervous or at least excited to meet you too (unless they are professional/serial dater and doing this is a second nature to them..than it's a different story).

Good luck and relax!!
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #4  November 2,2009, 4:49pm
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Yep, breathing is good!

Just remember that until you meet you really only have her online persona to go on so try not to get your expectations way up there only to have them dashed. I'm not saying they will necessarily but there have been a few stories here similar to yours - lots of emailing and IMing prior to meeting then once you meet, the magic isn't there. While talking and emailing are good initially, don't let your imagination fill in the blanks only to have a very different reality.
 
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Galvan316 is offline Galvan316 Post #5  November 2,2009, 5:01pm
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I think my biggest fears are 1. I say something early on that makes me seem like a fool or needy. 2. I try to push the envelope too quickly therefore freaking her out. 3. Trying to rush her and/or thinking she isnt really interested or something since she wasnt available to talk in other words always thinking somethings wrong.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 Post #6  November 2,2009, 5:21pm
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thinks opportunities do have a shelf life.

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I'm all for meeting as quickly as you can. Make the connection, chat on the phone a couple of times, and then meet if you're interested. Nothing like the meet up for the reality check. When someone drags their feet especially after we have a great conversation, I figure they have something to hide. Go for it and see if your fantasy matches reality.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #7  November 2,2009, 5:53pm
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Try to relax, arrange to meet sooner rather than later, remember that right now you're not attracted to her, but to your mental projection of who she is. Try to adjust your expectations and emotional attachment accordingly, and above all have fun!
 
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saulgoode is offline saulgoode Post #8  November 2,2009, 5:59pm
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Don't get frazzled. If you tell her you like her, she'll split.

Because you'll regurgitate your affection, not mete it out in chewable chunks, and it'll ruin her blouse.

Women don't like you to be obsessed. Not one little bit.

Like her. But don't go all infatuate over her.

That's how I got all those restraining orders.


- Saul
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #9  November 2,2009, 6:09pm
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Galvan316 wrote :
I think my biggest fears are 1. I say something early on that makes me seem like a fool or needy. 2. I try to push the envelope too quickly therefore freaking her out. 3. Trying to rush her and/or thinking she isnt really interested or something since she wasnt available to talk in other words always thinking somethings wrong.
1. Are you a fool or needy? If so, work on that. If not, her perceptions will be wrong and that says something about her, not you.

2. Meeting someone new, developing a new relationship, whether romantic or social, is like a dance. You need to know the steps and you need to be able to read your partner's language. If you're rushing your steps, you just need more practice.

3. See number 2. Also, this to me indicates a basic insecurity. That's going to haunt you even if she ends up adoring you. It sounds like something you need to work on yourself about.

I agree with the advice to not infatuate over someone you haven't met yet. Also, to not infatuate too much over someone you have met but don't know well yet.

I second the breathing advice.

Good luck.
 
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SactoDoug is offline SactoDoug Post #10  November 2,2009, 7:25pm
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You didn't slip up. As long as you are not asking her to meet up with you in a fast track communication, then I don't think you can meet too soon.

I do think you are over thinking this. Lots of people look like the perfect match for you on paper. You won't know for sure until you meet. This is why I would rather meet sooner than too late. You build up expectations quickly and over time they can warp the reality of who she really is in your mind. She is human but we can easily morph her into a goddess with infatuation.

You followed the normal progression of emails, telephone then first meeting. The step to take at the meeting is to decide if you want to date her and ask her out on a real date. Don't wait to call the next night. Ask during the meeting. Also, if things don't feel right, don't be afraid to tell her it that you are not interested too. I find that women respect that when I tell them so at the first meeting. It save their time as well as my own.
 
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