Archangel is offline Archangel Post #1  November 2,2009, 11:45am
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I've just come out of a 12 year relationship one of only two relationships i've ever had.

Am i ready for dating? Meh who knows i wasn't looking for it thats for sure.

A few weeks ago a cute guy start's chating to me in the gym, everythings fine, he's quite young (much younger than me) but i realise people tend to mistake my age as luckily i do look quite young, the subject of age comes up and sort of joked about it but although he seemed quite shocked to find out how old i was it didn't seem to put him off.

I don't really think much of it to be fair but at the end he ask's me if im on facebook and ask's if i mind him looking me up. A week go's by i see him every day, every day he jokes that he still can't find me on facebook and it becomes abit of a running joke. Eventually i put the guy out of his misery and give him my facebook details.

After that we started chatting get on great, he email's me tons and everything is fine. The age doens't seem to bother either of us, though i have to admit i'm worried that we are at different "lifestages" he still lives at home with his parent has no regular work, while im a sucessful buisness woman with my own house/car and kids!! he's never dated anyone with kids but insist's he doens't care.

He can me very forward (sexually) both in email and in person in term's of joking and flirting, but insist's that if anything was going to happen i'd have to make the first move. He say's i intimidate him because im so out of his league physically (his words not mine).

I've just come out of a difficult relationship from a partner who made a pastime of putting me down and although personality wise im quite outgoing and naturally flirty im not confident when it comes to guys.

We've been out to coffee together which was my idea which was nice we chatted things went well, but haven't been out since (over a week ago) we see each other everyday in the gym

I'm starting to get frustrated, he say's he's not a decision makers and that it's up to me to decide the next step, his email's are constently telling me how attractive he finds me and frankly his converstation tends to lean towards things of a sexual nature.

Normally i'd just think he was being sleazy but it's in a way that leads me to belive it's nerves trying to cover up how inexperienced he feel's in comparison to me.

He say's he doens't have much luck with girls which is crazy because he's very cute,but having spent the past month or so chatting with him i can now almost see why.. I'm starting to feel he's all talk and no action. haha. so i can see why girls would get bored of waiting for him to make a move.

I know this is the 20th century and i could make a move but i;ve reached the point now where im not sure if he does like me or if im some distraction to flirt with when he has nothing better to do in the evening. Last thing i want is to be notch 260 on the bed post of a guy who play's these games for fun.

I just can't make up my mind if he likes me? or if im a game.. I know i have a tendency to be abit paranoid but what do you think?
Last edited by Archangel; November 2,2009 at 12:33pm.
 
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chrysalis08 is offline chrysalis08 Post #2  November 2,2009, 12:32pm
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Don't take the ankle-biters too seriously unless you like playthings. Especially at the gym.... a woman alone at a gym is a magnet for schools of minnows. He's already shown you his cards in the sexy emails. If it's been a while since you've been out there, you might find it a little strange. A lot of women maintain themselves better into later years (40+), and a lot of men (
 
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Archangel is offline Archangel Post #3  November 2,2009, 12:47pm
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You see thats exactly what im worried about, im a proffessional dancer and the trainers in the gym often joke that im a local celebrity in that they call me the "It girl".

When they train other women and they ask for their goals they often say "i want to look like her".

Don't get me wrong i seriously doubt i command that sort of attention... haha but i do spend alot of time and effort in keeping myself in shape though in truth im possibly alittle more muscular than most women would aim to be.

The truth most people in the gym know me by name the last thing i need is gossip's talking about how "easy i was" or how "dumb" i am to be taken in by some young lad. (he's not actually that much younger just 6 years) but lifestage wise we are miles apart and he seem's unable to put in any real effort in his end that doens't involve the gym or email.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #4  November 2,2009, 1:27pm
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I would just tell him that you are not making the moves, that if he wants you around, he's going to have to put up or shut up.

If he really wants you and is not just playing, he'll put up.

How big is the age difference? I didn't see it in your post but maybe I am just blind ...
 
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Archangel is offline Archangel Post #5  November 2,2009, 1:30pm
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It's 6 years im 32, he's 26.

As i say it's not so much about the age because the gap isn't that much.

But life stage wise we are miles apart.... he still lives with his parents while i am a parent.
 
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kevin76 is offline kevin76 Post #6  November 2,2009, 1:39pm
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The fact that he lives with his parents and has no regular work looks like a big red flag to me.
Combined with your description of the sexual nature of his flirtation, it gives me the impression that he is rather shallow.

What do you like about him? Is it possible the only reason you enjoy his attention is because you're hungry for positive attention after your last relationship? He's making you feel good now, but what would he do with you if he 'caught' you?

Doesn't sound to me like he would make an equal partner for you.
I would say, enjoy the attention and the ego boost, but don't start building any hopes on his words alone. Words are cheap.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #7  November 2,2009, 1:40pm
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Be careful, the guy is an oxymoron ...he's all about giving you compliments and building you up, but then says he's "intimidated" by you? ...he's all about being forward with you sexually, but then says you are the one who has to make the moves?

I'm sorry, this guy sounds like he's playing you ...at best, he's looking for a cougar ...at worst, he's looking for a meal-ticket sugar-momma. Even if I'm wrong ...honestly, what does this much-younger-lives-with-his-parents-no job-no kid-no car guy possibly have that can be of any value or interest to you?

You are rebounding, you like the attention he's giving you ...that's it. Don't let it turn into be the worst mistake you've ever made.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #8  November 2,2009, 1:44pm
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Archangel wrote :
It's 6 years im 32, he's 26.

As i say it's not so much about the age because the gap isn't that much.

But life stage wise we are miles apart.... he still lives with his parents while i am a parent.

Six years is not so bad. A lot more people are living at home these days with the recession so that could be OK depending on if he's doing anything to get out of his situation ie the no car no job thing.

I totally agree with what Biker Beagle said. If this guy wants you, he will chase you. And if he doesn't, he's just playing with you.

Good luck.
 
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Archangel is offline Archangel Post #9  November 2,2009, 1:52pm
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The reason he's living at home is because he was made redundant just before christmas last year and hasn't been able to find anything but temp work since, doesn't want to get a flat/house till he knows he has steady income, im not shallow and wouldn't want to dismiss a possible partner because of thier current financial situation. now if he was unwilling to move out of his parents or take a steady job that would be different.

I think tbh it's the totally confusing messages that worry/concern me most i can't undersatand how someone can be so flirty/forward with one breath then in the next be so backwards it's almost painful.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #10  November 2,2009, 1:55pm
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Archangel wrote :
The reason he's living at home is because he was made redundant just before christmas last year and hasn't been able to find anything but temp work since, doesn't want to get a flat/house till he knows he has steady income, im not shallow and wouldn't want to dismiss a possible partner because of thier current financial situation. now if he was unwilling to move out of his parents or take a steady job that would be different.

I think tbh it's the totally confusing messages that worry/concern me most i can't undersatand how someone can be so flirty/forward with one breath then in the next be so backwards it's almost painful.
I'm not saying he is a player, he could just be wishful thinking or something, but go read some articles geared toward players so you can recognize the patterns if they are there. Perhaps then the light bulb will go on.
Last edited by nightling; November 2,2009 at 2:00pm.
 
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