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kevin76 kevin76 is offline
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Archangel wrote :
The reason he's living at home is because he was made redundant just before christmas last year and hasn't been able to find anything but temp work since, doesn't want to get a flat/house till he knows he has steady income, im not shallow and wouldn't want to dismiss a possible partner because of thier current financial situation. now if he was unwilling to move out of his parents or take a steady job that would be different.

I think tbh it's the totally confusing messages that worry/concern me most i can't undersatand how someone can be so flirty/forward with one breath then in the next be so backwards it's almost painful.
nightling wrote :
Go read some articles geared toward players. Perhaps the light bulb will go on.
Yep. That can be a part of the game - the whole point is to make you feel super-special. "I'm so shy I never do this I'm terrible with women BUT you're so special and beautiful that I can't help myself and I think about you all the time and blah blah blah..."
By down-playing himself he's trying to make it all about you.

It's possible he's just really down on himself because he lost his job and had to move back with his parents. Maybe he really does just admire you that much because you're beautiful and successful. Or maybe it's just a game. You'll have to look for signs other than just what he says.

I can understand losing a job and being down for a while. Has happened to me before. I was still able to afford a small apartment with unemployment, but I was lucky - no car note or other expenses, and able to live dirt cheap. I lived with my parents for a few months when I moved to their town for a new job, until I could find a place. It happens.

But a year is a long time. You're better off with a man who can take care of himself, so you know he's not using you just as a crutch, wanting you to rescue him.
- November 2nd, 2009, 03:04 pm
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Dugl Dugl is offline
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Archangel wrote :
You see thats exactly what im worried about, im a proffessional dancer and the trainers in the gym often joke that im a local celebrity in that they call me the "It girl". When they train other women and they ask for their goals they often say "i want to look like her". .
With all due respect....at your age, and obvious awareness of your physical prowess, I'd find it hard to believe this is a "new" scenerio for you if you've been around any men over the age of 16. However....if it is....I'd say be cautious because some men will play you for whatever they can get or learn from a threshold Cougar.
- November 2nd, 2009, 04:06 pm
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Archangel Archangel is offline
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Dugl wrote :
With all due respect....at your age, and obvious awareness of your physical prowess, I'd find it hard to believe this is a "new" scenerio for you if you've been around any men over the age of 16. However....if it is....I'd say be cautious because some men will play you for whatever they can get or learn from a threshold Cougar.
I'll admit that im aware that some men find me attractive, but having been in a relationship from pretty much my entire adult life i've never really had to deal with it beyond being flattered before. from being 15 i've only spent about 3 months single and in a postion where i am mentally in a position to even concider dating.

It's easy to accept flattering coment's when your in a relationship with a "thanks but no thanks im married." in that position you really don't have to deal with it as nothing but "no thanks" is an option.

Now that im single it's a whole other ball game i've never had to deal with before and frankly im finding it terrifiying. I'm learning quite quickly there is a difference bettween attracting attention and attracting the right sort of attention.

Don't get me wrong in no way belive that men fall at my feet .. haha i wish they did and i guess i gave the wrong impression in my earlier post. All i ment was that im not in bad physical condition not that i think im a stunner because franky im a quite average woman who spends far to much time in the gym taking care of herself.

But i agree having a man chasing me isn't "new" but being in a position where im single and having to weed out the nice guys from the player's is.

I really like this guy he's funny and sweet but the whole time i'm getting so many mixed messages that it leaves me confused and wondering if im some sort of game to him.
- November 3rd, 2009, 12:10 am
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Fleuellen Fleuellen is offline
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as someone else mentioned, if its a plaything you'd like, who cares. But based on you're own account, I'd imagine there is posse of intersting guys in line ... give the guy credit for being first cab of the rank ... but you can take another cab, or not as you please. I feel you've answered you're own query.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:05 am
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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Reading all the posts here, he may be a player but that is not really how I see him.

But I do see a whole lot of RED flags with him. A bit of advice, which others have also offered, in the end he is not going to be worth all the agravation.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:42 am
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gothustartus gothustartus is offline
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You could make a move but it doesn't sound like you want to be a milf fantasy come true. If the flirting is repairing the damage your ex did to your self confidence then just go with that, laugh about it with the guy a little, it sounds to me like it's the fantasy he's into, otherwise he'd be making a move to make his fantasy come true.
- November 3rd, 2009, 01:55 pm
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nightling nightling is offline
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kevin76 wrote :
Yep. That can be a part of the game - the whole point is to make you feel super-special. "I'm so shy I never do this I'm terrible with women BUT you're so special and beautiful that I can't help myself and I think about you all the time and blah blah blah..."
By down-playing himself he's trying to make it all about you.

It's possible he's just really down on himself because he lost his job and had to move back with his parents. Maybe he really does just admire you that much because you're beautiful and successful. Or maybe it's just a game. You'll have to look for signs other than just what he says.

I can understand losing a job and being down for a while. Has happened to me before. I was still able to afford a small apartment with unemployment, but I was lucky - no car note or other expenses, and able to live dirt cheap. I lived with my parents for a few months when I moved to their town for a new job, until I could find a place. It happens.

But a year is a long time. You're better off with a man who can take care of himself, so you know he's not using you just as a crutch, wanting you to rescue him.
he had that backhanded compliment in there too ... your so attractive I'm intimidated blah blah blah.
- November 3rd, 2009, 02:11 pm
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Jato87 Jato87 is offline
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I'd say that you need to learn a little bit more about him before making any moves or decisions, as this could go either way. Maybe try some more coffee dates or a walk in the park. Get him (and yourself) away from the gym setting and see how mature he seems. Can he appreciate something about you besides sex appeal, or is that all he comes up with?

I think the 6 years age difference is insignificant, but if he has no job and lives with parents; that plus his somewhat immature behavior makes it more of a factor. I wonder if he'd have the money to take you out to dinner on a proper date, or might you need to be the sugar momma? He might well be looking for a freebee. Again, I don't think the age difference is much of a factor, other than at 26 I'd expect him to act more mature with you.
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:02 pm
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Archangel Archangel is offline
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gothustartus wrote :
You could make a move but it doesn't sound like you want to be a milf fantasy come true. If the flirting is repairing the damage your ex did to your self confidence then just go with that, laugh about it with the guy a little, it sounds to me like it's the fantasy he's into, otherwise he'd be making a move to make his fantasy come true.
I’m starting to feel this is exactly the case, he seem’s far more interested in the fantasy of me than he is in me. I’ve suggested on a number of occasion’s getting out of the gym setting and other than one coffee (held in the gym coffee bar i might add) he’s always busy. I’m quite well known at the gym I have a lot of acquaintances there, people I chat and say hello too and I’m now starting to wonder if it’s the prestige of me not actually me he’s interested in, if that makes any sort of sense without sounding big headed. fficeffice" />>>
>>
I sent him an email yesterday morning explaining that i was confused about his intention’s and that this “forward / backward” behaviour was driving me mental and that i was backing off till he made up his mind what he wanted and made a move all by himself and that i thought all the very forward sexual conversation’s weren’t appropriate as he was setting us both up for failure, after all we haven’t even kissed yet and sex was a LONG way in the future. >>
>>
Yesterday in the gym we chatted as we worked out about mundane things but he did slip in that he was being “good” ie not dirty. Towards the end i pulled him to one side and asked him in no-uncertain terms if he liked me and if he intend us getting out of the gym at any point ever or was i going to be his flirting gym buddy in 10 years. I suggested dinner or lunch which i then he replied it was just “weird” and ran off. >>
>>
Later he emailed me and said when i dragged him a side he thought i was going to kiss him *rolls eye’s* so i asked him what was wrong with the idea of dinner, at which point he replied saying that he didn’t want to be the guy my kids saw as being the reason i wasn’t with their father. Now while i understand being the other man must be very daunting, we arn’t anywhere near the point of introductions so it seem’s alittle early to worry about that specific problem. >>
>>
This morning we are back to sex jokes... *sigh* just been the gym and i decided i wasn’t going to talk to him as im always the one doing the running around and frankly im fed up of chasing him, Other than a few passing comments as he moved passed the machines i was using and the odd smile he made no attempt to talk to me. >>
>>
Yes indeed i think it’s time to let this one go as a waste of time. >>
- November 4th, 2009, 07:24 am
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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Everybody needs an ego booster once in awhile, so go for it and remember it's just a passing fancy!

Harvey7.
- November 4th, 2009, 03:49 pm
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