Are the rules different?


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Sucia1969 is offline Sucia1969 Post #21  November 2,2009, 4:50pm
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Can_u_hear_me_now wrote :
LOL, thanks for the reality check. I guess it's good that I take some time off, if not for my sake, at least the rest of mankind will fair better : )

Yeah, I knew it was a bad move before I did it, but I guess I have a bit of a reckless streak at times. Another chapter for the "He did what?!" booklet (hoping it doesn't turn into a full blown book!)
I don't think it was that bad. If she wanted to remain "anonymous" she wouldn't have made it that easy to find her.
I would never post my exact occupation and town where I worked, but maybe I'm too cautious that way. In fact, my last (and only) match never did find out where i worked,only vaguely what I do, and now I can sleep at night because of it.
I wouldn't suggest calling again if you don't hear from her though. Best of luck
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #22  November 2,2009, 4:58pm
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I don't believe that people who sign up on dating websites intend to be contacted by any means they don't volunteer.

I agree 100% with the idea that men sometimes must learn through trial and error what to do and what not to do when approaching women. However, men also have to play the numbers. I doubt that the vast majority of women would be comfortable with what you did, and you probably knew that already. Just take it as a lesson learned. There are men out there who've done far worse.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #23  November 2,2009, 5:09pm

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PY_2 wrote :
I thought that's how EH works...through the internet
Brat! You knew what I meant!
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #24  November 2,2009, 6:24pm
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Can_u_hear_me_now wrote :
O.k., first the facts: I was matched with someone on 10/22. SHE initiated GC that day before I checked my matches for that day. (I would have initiated if I had seen her profile, she just beat me to it.) Anyhow, it proceeded slowly, which is fine. We got to MH/CS on 10/26 and then nothing.... strange I thought... The wild card is that I have been on EH since Jan. '09 and my subscription ended on 10/28 (no more communication); I want to take a break from EH for all of the reasons we all know about including a chance to rebuild my self esteem ; )

I sent her a request to move to OC on 10/28 since my sub. was ending and explained it as such...no response.. My assumption (right or wrong) was that she never got the message. -Sorry for the length of this post, but I think the info is relevant to the situation- In her profile she listed her occupation and location. Giving in to slight stalker tendencies, I was able to find her website doing a basic search since she has a unique job in a small town. Acting on a completely wild hair, I called her at the number listed on the website, and explained who I was, and that I was really interested in continuing the process if she was still interested. I've never done anything like this before, but I figured that the potential gain was better than the potential loss, ie: she thinks I'm a real stalker and we'll still never meet.

She didn't sound completely freaked out, and said that she was busy at the moment, but that she could call be back later if that was o.k. I realize that I probably sealed my fate by making the call, but I hated the thought of going down without a fight (or at least an effort). SO the question is, do you agree, and are the rules different when THEY initiate? BTW, she still hasn't closed me out as a match. Thanks!
You're lucky she didn't call the cops.

She thinks you're a stalker because you ARE one. You just admitted it.

NEVER EVER EVER use your own resources to find a woman. EVER.

And NEVER EVER EVER call her at work.
Last edited by Oregon_Coast_Guy; November 2,2009 at 6:28pm.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #25  November 2,2009, 6:34pm
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It can be very easy to figure out who someone is, using public information and our friends at Google. Give me a slightly unusual first name and occupation, and I can generally figure out who you are. This has been handy on at least two occasions, where I discovered that matches who were asking unusually nosy personal questions of me (including my marital history), were divorced but not saying so.

But common sense says that's as far as you dare take it. It's only on a bad movie-of-the-week that you can get away with showing up on a match's doorstep, or dropping in at her work place. That's where restraining orders come from.
Last edited by melman; November 2,2009 at 6:40pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #26  November 2,2009, 8:10pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
hmm. I think it depends. If i really liked a guy, I would be a little flattered. If i was on the fence about him I would get out the mace.
If I was really interested in a girl I would be responding to my communications just a wee bit faster than every few days. But that is just me.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #27  November 2,2009, 8:13pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If I was really interested in a girl I would be responding to my communications just a wee bit faster than every few days. But that is just me.
I was thinking that, too.
 
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Can_u_hear_me_now is offline Can_u_hear_me_now Post #28  November 2,2009, 8:14pm
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Wow,I had no idea this would turn into such a discussion, but it is interesting...

A few more details as the main question seems to be "why not just re-up for another month?" That did of course cross my mind, but I had already done that to pursue a relationship that didn't work out due to distance. I had high hopes initially when I joined EH, and I'm glad for those who have found a meaningful relationship on the site, it just isn't really working for me. I get plenty of matches and I'm fairly picky about who I choose to communicate with. (I have closed well over 2000 matches since I joined, made it to OC with about 12, and actually dated 4 with mixed results.)If that says anything about me, it says that I value other people's time and take the communication process seriously, but it is just a process.

With that said, I am tired of going for just "1 more month, surely it will be better this time". I had decided to draw a line in the sand and just take a break. Along comes this latest match who seemed really interesting, but I've been there before (as we all have I'm sure). Instead of extending for 1 more month, I chose door #1.

Regarding the stalker comments, yeah, I guess anytime you seek to find out something about someone without hearing it from them directly or without their permission, you might be a stalker. She does have a public website with a very extensive blog, links to her Twitter and Facebook pages, etc... Point being, she's a VERY public person. If I'm a creep for being interested in the person who initiated communication with me then, guilty as charged -sorry for the snarkiness-

Lastly, she was very pleasant on the phone, probably due to the shock. I explained that I knew it was weird, and that I had never done anything like that before, but explained my purpose nonetheless. She honestly didn't seem freaked out in the least, but who knows. I am not taking any further steps at all because that WOULD be way out of bounds, but like I said, I really didn't have anything to lose, and if it worked at all, bonus!

I will keep everyone updated, not that I expect to hear from her, but maybe she'll see it from my point of view ; )
 
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Can_u_hear_me_now is offline Can_u_hear_me_now Post #29  November 2,2009, 8:16pm
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P.S. Her work keeps her pretty busy and sometimes on the road, so I honestly didn't put too much into the delayed response times.
 
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timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #30  November 3,2009, 7:24am
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I don't think the rules are different when they initiate.
 
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