Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Sucia1969 Sucia1969 is offline
Sucia1969's Avatar

Sucia1969 ridiculously happy

Pacesetter

Join Date: Oct 2009

Posts: 287

See profile

Can_u_hear_me_now wrote :
LOL, thanks for the reality check. I guess it's good that I take some time off, if not for my sake, at least the rest of mankind will fair better : )

Yeah, I knew it was a bad move before I did it, but I guess I have a bit of a reckless streak at times. Another chapter for the "He did what?!" booklet (hoping it doesn't turn into a full blown book!)
I don't think it was that bad. If she wanted to remain "anonymous" she wouldn't have made it that easy to find her.
I would never post my exact occupation and town where I worked, but maybe I'm too cautious that way. In fact, my last (and only) match never did find out where i worked,only vaguely what I do, and now I can sleep at night because of it.
I wouldn't suggest calling again if you don't hear from her though. Best of luck
- November 2nd, 2009, 05:50 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#21   Reply With Quote
tbesq tbesq is offline
tbesq's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,405

See profile

I don't believe that people who sign up on dating websites intend to be contacted by any means they don't volunteer.

I agree 100% with the idea that men sometimes must learn through trial and error what to do and what not to do when approaching women. However, men also have to play the numbers. I doubt that the vast majority of women would be comfortable with what you did, and you probably knew that already. Just take it as a lesson learned. There are men out there who've done far worse.
- November 2nd, 2009, 05:58 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#22   Reply With Quote
LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
LizziePooh's Avatar

LizziePooh would enjoy a song.

Power Poster

Join Date: May 2008

Posts: 5,196

See profile

PY_2 wrote :
I thought that's how EH works...through the internet
Brat! You knew what I meant!
- November 2nd, 2009, 06:09 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#23   Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
Oregon_Coast_Guy's Avatar

Oregon_Coast_Guy Lookin' like a fool wit' your pants on the ground...

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 1,754

See profile

Can_u_hear_me_now wrote :
O.k., first the facts: I was matched with someone on 10/22. SHE initiated GC that day before I checked my matches for that day. (I would have initiated if I had seen her profile, she just beat me to it.) Anyhow, it proceeded slowly, which is fine. We got to MH/CS on 10/26 and then nothing.... strange I thought... The wild card is that I have been on EH since Jan. '09 and my subscription ended on 10/28 (no more communication); I want to take a break from EH for all of the reasons we all know about including a chance to rebuild my self esteem ; )

I sent her a request to move to OC on 10/28 since my sub. was ending and explained it as such...no response.. My assumption (right or wrong) was that she never got the message. -Sorry for the length of this post, but I think the info is relevant to the situation- In her profile she listed her occupation and location. Giving in to slight stalker tendencies, I was able to find her website doing a basic search since she has a unique job in a small town. Acting on a completely wild hair, I called her at the number listed on the website, and explained who I was, and that I was really interested in continuing the process if she was still interested. I've never done anything like this before, but I figured that the potential gain was better than the potential loss, ie: she thinks I'm a real stalker and we'll still never meet.

She didn't sound completely freaked out, and said that she was busy at the moment, but that she could call be back later if that was o.k. I realize that I probably sealed my fate by making the call, but I hated the thought of going down without a fight (or at least an effort). SO the question is, do you agree, and are the rules different when THEY initiate? BTW, she still hasn't closed me out as a match. Thanks!
You're lucky she didn't call the cops.

She thinks you're a stalker because you ARE one. You just admitted it.

NEVER EVER EVER use your own resources to find a woman. EVER.

And NEVER EVER EVER call her at work.
Last edited by Oregon_Coast_Guy; November 2nd, 2009 at 07:28 pm.
- November 2nd, 2009, 07:24 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#24   Reply With Quote
melman melman is offline
melman's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 1,442

See profile

It can be very easy to figure out who someone is, using public information and our friends at Google. Give me a slightly unusual first name and occupation, and I can generally figure out who you are. This has been handy on at least two occasions, where I discovered that matches who were asking unusually nosy personal questions of me (including my marital history), were divorced but not saying so.

But common sense says that's as far as you dare take it. It's only on a bad movie-of-the-week that you can get away with showing up on a match's doorstep, or dropping in at her work place. That's where restraining orders come from.
Last edited by melman; November 2nd, 2009 at 07:40 pm.
- November 2nd, 2009, 07:34 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#25   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I'm in love and always will be ... All that was there will be there still

Sage

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 10,620

See profile

scarlet13 wrote :
hmm. I think it depends. If i really liked a guy, I would be a little flattered. If i was on the fence about him I would get out the mace.
If I was really interested in a girl I would be responding to my communications just a wee bit faster than every few days. But that is just me.
- November 2nd, 2009, 09:10 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#26   Reply With Quote
chawks64 chawks64 is offline
chawks64's Avatar

chawks64 is trying very hard to be patient. Definitely not my best talent.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,216

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
If I was really interested in a girl I would be responding to my communications just a wee bit faster than every few days. But that is just me.
I was thinking that, too.
- November 2nd, 2009, 09:13 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#27   Reply With Quote
Can_u_hear_me_now Can_u_hear_me_now is offline
Can_u_hear_me_now's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 9

See profile

Wow,I had no idea this would turn into such a discussion, but it is interesting...

A few more details as the main question seems to be "why not just re-up for another month?" That did of course cross my mind, but I had already done that to pursue a relationship that didn't work out due to distance. I had high hopes initially when I joined EH, and I'm glad for those who have found a meaningful relationship on the site, it just isn't really working for me. I get plenty of matches and I'm fairly picky about who I choose to communicate with. (I have closed well over 2000 matches since I joined, made it to OC with about 12, and actually dated 4 with mixed results.)If that says anything about me, it says that I value other people's time and take the communication process seriously, but it is just a process.

With that said, I am tired of going for just "1 more month, surely it will be better this time". I had decided to draw a line in the sand and just take a break. Along comes this latest match who seemed really interesting, but I've been there before (as we all have I'm sure). Instead of extending for 1 more month, I chose door #1.

Regarding the stalker comments, yeah, I guess anytime you seek to find out something about someone without hearing it from them directly or without their permission, you might be a stalker. She does have a public website with a very extensive blog, links to her Twitter and Facebook pages, etc... Point being, she's a VERY public person. If I'm a creep for being interested in the person who initiated communication with me then, guilty as charged -sorry for the snarkiness-

Lastly, she was very pleasant on the phone, probably due to the shock. I explained that I knew it was weird, and that I had never done anything like that before, but explained my purpose nonetheless. She honestly didn't seem freaked out in the least, but who knows. I am not taking any further steps at all because that WOULD be way out of bounds, but like I said, I really didn't have anything to lose, and if it worked at all, bonus!

I will keep everyone updated, not that I expect to hear from her, but maybe she'll see it from my point of view ; )
- November 2nd, 2009, 09:14 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#28   Reply With Quote
Can_u_hear_me_now Can_u_hear_me_now is offline
Can_u_hear_me_now's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 9

See profile

P.S. Her work keeps her pretty busy and sometimes on the road, so I honestly didn't put too much into the delayed response times.
- November 2nd, 2009, 09:16 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#29   Reply With Quote
timeless2 timeless2 is offline
timeless2's Avatar

timeless2 is missing da beach, da water, da rum

Virtuoso

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 3,783

See profile

I don't think the rules are different when they initiate.
- November 3rd, 2009, 08:24 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#30   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4

Bookmarks

« The Top Ten Guide to Dating in Atlanta | Array | Good Catch/ Bad Catch »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The New Rules of Dating: 4 Ways Dating Has Changed in the Last Five Years us4231 Dating 15 December 17th, 2009 01:45 pm
Dating Rules From The Moon: Research Participation IcecreamMoon Dating 27 July 8th, 2009 02:37 am
Can non-paying see messages? Rules? JoeB1901 Using eHarmony 6 June 24th, 2009 04:27 pm
I feel like the kid that doesn't understand the rules in peewee soccer Ron2758 Dating 14 June 4th, 2009 12:29 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“You didn't fail. Sometimes letting go is the ultimate act of love. It's up to him whether he chooses to view that as one more person letting him down, or whether losing you is a wake-up call (or part ... ” – peg099

Join the “It's over.” discussion

“From what I can tell, she seems very interested in you. "Hitting on" means interest in more than friendship. She has done a lot of initiating, giving you tons of signals, and now you just need to ... ” – my5cents

Join the “Met this girl at an activity group and confused once again.” discussion

“Wow...and I had always heard that the worst thing to when walking into a dealership was to immediately fall in love with the car. Boy, was that advice misguided!” – Rustman

Join the “I fell in love with my car salesman,someone help me” discussion

“Conflicted.” – gcoleman99

Join the “Describe yourself in one word” discussion

“No, you are missing the point that I was commenting on another aspect of it. Was my post that hard to understand? BTW, if the message she sent was the worse thing anyone ever said, that wouldn't be ... ” – Rustman

Join the “Stay Classy Matches” discussion

“I wish I could tell you Yuppa since I've never accepted one, I'm not quite sure how it does work. I'm assuming it's where your phone number and your match's phone number are hidden from one another. ... ” – my5cents

Join the “free weekend coming up” discussion

“There are men who run away if they find out a woman is widowed rather than divorced? How messed up is that? Do women do this, too?” – mrflyer

Join the “widow or single?” discussion

“I think it takes some time to decide if I personally am attracted to a guy. So I take that time in the initial meeting to find out more about him and to see if we have somewhat of a connection. As ... ” – my5cents

Join the “Ladies, do you decide in the first 30 seconds if you're interetsed? And, what are you looking for in a first impression?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:31 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0