Dating a virgin ~ the holy grail of dating or a burdonsome responsibility? Discuss.

Sure, many women act like normal human beings (as far as women can...muahaha!) after their first time but enough lose their minds that guys like to know about the minefield before walking around. You then know to be a bit more careful.

The reason men are...concerned...about taking a girl's virginity is because they don't necessarily know how she is going to take it. There's two negative outcomes that I've seen expressed (as in worried by guys and actually done by women) and one is hyper-clinginess and the other is hyper-looseness.

Sure, many women act like normal human beings (as far as women can...muahaha!) after their first time but enough lose their minds that guys like to know about the minefield before walking around. You then know to be a bit more careful.

I suppose it depends a bit on how you view sex. For instance many people, myself included, view sex as important but ultimately something fun to share with your partner. It's not a major life-changing event or vow of permanent devotion. The worry is that a virgin may have been "saving themselves" and see it as a communication of such a serious commitment or event. It's somewhat akin to buying a girl a ring just to get a gift and have her respond with "Yes! I'll marry you!" The communication wavelengths were too far apart and it's scary.

The other fear guys have about dating a virgin, not having sex with one, is that they aren't ever going to have sex with her. Depending on the guy they'll wait for sex as long as sex remains a possibility at some point. That's true even of guys that aren't looking for just sex. Compatible timelines, from third date to honeymoon, are important in a relationship.

It really does depend on the people involved. For instance I could see a virgin as "the holy grail" by the knowledge that she was willing to wait and that I'm special. She was willing to wait for me specifically. On the other hand I could see a virgin as a bad thing because now I have to worry about her looking for greener pastures. It all depends on perspective (and perhaps your degree of cynicism).

I would have to take it on a case-by-case basis.

Jacquesne

I would also think it would be a lot of pressure also to make sure her first time wasn't terrible and ruin sex for her for the next 5 years or so.

You've got to give us guys some credit....we know she'd have a fantastic experience with us.

Before I got married, I attached a pretty high value to the act of sex. I'd only been with five women, I think (?), and they were all long-term, or at least had some emotional attachment, and I married one of them.

After you're about 30, though, it's a moot question. Only the rarest of rares is still a virgin, and the emotional attachment to sex is not as profound.

You become attached for reasons having nothing at all to do with sex. - Saul

The "responsibility" here is that you've done something that someone else hasn't. It has the potential to be ground breaking and you don't know how much the other person values this. If they value their virginity, and they lose it in a heat of passion and then regret it, you're the one with the experience. There is a huge unknown here and that unknown can be daunting to some.

I dated a virgin once who was over 30. She just never dated much, so obviously sex didn't come easily because of that. She was very scared of messing up. My "responsibility" i felt in this relationship was to make sure she saw things clearly and not let it get away from her. She had never experienced sex and the road leading to it, so it would have been very easy for her to get swayed by the moment. I felt that since i've been down this road a couple of times, I had the obligation to make sure her head was clear before proceeding and not let her get ahead of herself and regret it later. I felt this responsibility because I had the experience here and had to lead, but I didn't want to inadvertently lead her where I wanted to go, instead of where WE wanted to go.

and somehow no one really addresses why being a virgin would be the holy grail to a young guy ...

Seriously; I have yet to meet anyone--female or male--who "lost their mind" along with their virginity... It's really a pretty normal part of development for most people and not something that unhinges them...lol.