Dating a virgin ~ the holy grail of dating or a burdonsome responsibility? Discuss.


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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #191  November 3,2009, 9:35pm
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jayjay wrote :
Ok....but still, I have to wonder if this may partly be because you're no longer a kid. I have a hunch a lot of 20 somethings would always wonder....even if they never 'strayed'. I mean, I think that a lot of what goes into the process of picking a partner is calibrating to know what the possibilities for a partner are. For example, even apart from sex, if you marry the first person you ever date you have no way to really gauge how good or bad things really are.
I'm at the end of my 20s and I've never had any desire to go around seeing how things are with this or that guy or even wondering about it. I'm not looking for variety now, nor have I ever done so. I have, however, quite often been told that I'm not like other people my age. Probably true.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #192  November 3,2009, 9:48pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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lindseyk wrote :
I'm at the end of my 20s and I've never had any desire to go around seeing how things are with this or that guy or even wondering about it. I'm not looking for variety now, nor have I ever done so. I have, however, quite often been told that I'm not like other people my age. Probably true.
A virgin in your late 20s....I think that would qualify you as 'not like other people your age'.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #193  November 3,2009, 10:22pm
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jayjay wrote :
Ok....but still, I have to wonder if this may partly be because you're no longer a kid. I have a hunch a lot of 20 somethings would always wonder....even if they never 'strayed'. I mean, I think that a lot of what goes into the process of picking a partner is calibrating to know what the possibilities for a partner are. For example, even apart from sex, if you marry the first person you ever date you have no way to really gauge how good or bad things really are.
I thought the same for many years.

Both my sisters married their High School sweethearts. One married her second boyfriend, the other, her first. Both still married after all these years. The five of us were all in High School together.

I've been divorced once (friendly), widowed once.

Now the only benefit I see in my position relative to theirs, is that.....I can see myself starting over. I've done it before, I can do it again.

There's alot to be said for picking one person to really know through and through. I certainly feel no superiority over my sisters. I almost envy them, and I say that even though I would not have missed my second marriage for the world.

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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #194  November 4,2009, 6:29am
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jayjay wrote :
Someone having those abilities might observe that they actually could have had a better relationship than the person they're with.
Indeed!! Which just goes to show that you can't ever take even your most inexperienced partner's affections for granted.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #195  November 4,2009, 8:31am
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jayjay wrote :
Seriously, the down side of this is that inevitably after a while they'll start to wonder what it's really like with other people and just how good or not so good they actually have it with you.
Jayjay, I think you are projecting. You may think you would like someone with less experience, but you don't understand them at all.

Iconography wrote :

I honestly don't believe that this is genuinely inevitable. If my partner is "right" in all other areas of our relationship, and the sex is satisfying, I would not be in the least bit curious about how good anybody else is--certainly not curious enough to want to stray to find out. Sex is, after all, only one component of a complex relationship. Some of us would never risk the whole for wonder about one part.
I totally agree, Iconography. Someone who is less experienced by CHOICE, is not likely to think as soon as they get some, "Gee that was nice. I wonder what it would be like with someone/everyone else?" If the reasons to wait were based on the value one holds for a physical relationship, then those values are not going to go out the window as soon as the physical relationship is consummated. Plenty of people will tell virgins that they place too much emphasis on the importance of sex in a relationship. But if they do place such a high emotional attachment to sex, then they are unlikely to throw someone over who they love, respect and have committed themselves to physically, just to satisfy mere curiosity.

Do you think Jayjay that virgins have never wondered what sex would be like with various people simply because they haven't? If they didn't act on that curiosity before they committed themselves emotionally and physically to a lover, why would they after?

jayjay wrote :
A virgin in your late 20s....I think that would qualify you as 'not like other people your age'.
Yes, she is different from others in her late 20s who are not virgins. However, she is not so different from people in their late 20s who have chosen to remain abstinent because they think a sexual relationship is symbolic of a greater commitment and relationship than just satisfying one's lusty needs.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #196  November 4,2009, 8:40am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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librarybabe wrote :
Jayjay, I think you are projecting. You may think you would like someone with less experience, but you don't understand them at all.


Do you think Jayjay that virgins have never wondered what sex would be like with various people simply because they haven't? If they didn't act on that curiosity before they committed themselves emotionally and physically to a lover, why would they after?
Ok...first you say I'm projecting....then later you say the same thing I did (that they 'wonder'). Geesh, make up your mind. Also, I'm not saying this 'wondering' means they'll leave a relationship or cheat.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #197  November 4,2009, 9:03am
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jayjay wrote :
Ok...first you say I'm projecting....then later you say the same thing I did (that they 'wonder'). Geesh, make up your mind. Also, I'm not saying this 'wondering' means they'll leave a relationship or cheat.
Yeah, yeah. You are worried about it, or you wouldn't care what they wonder about. Which person do you think has it worse? The experienced man around town wondering who the young chickie without any baggage (mixing threads) is fantasizing about, or the inexperienced woman who knows that her man has seen it all and is wondering if he has to visualize any number of former lovers to be satisfied with making love to her?

Really the problem is with the person who is worrying about what their beloved is thinking, not with what the other is actually thinking.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #198  November 4,2009, 9:52am
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librarybabe wrote :
Yeah, yeah. You are worried about it, or you wouldn't care what they wonder about. Which person do you think has it worse? The experienced man around town wondering who the young chickie without any baggage (mixing threads) is fantasizing about, or the inexperienced woman who knows that her man has seen it all and is wondering if he has to visualize any number of former lovers to be satisfied with making love to her?

Really the problem is with the person who is worrying about what their beloved is thinking, not with what the other is actually thinking.
I recently posted about the woman who had only been with 1 man who wanted to find a man who was 'experienced'. I guess she wasn't worried. And, in any case, I'm only talking in generalities. I know that regardless of experience no woman could ever think things could possibly be better with someone else than they are with me.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #199  November 4,2009, 9:58am
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jayjay wrote :
I recently posted about the woman who had only been with 1 man who wanted to find a man who was 'experienced'. I guess she wasn't worried. And, in any case, I'm only talking in generalities. I know that regardless of experience no woman could ever think things could possibly be better with someone else than they are with me.
i remember you mentioning her, but i don't understand why you thought that was an odd request.
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #200  November 4,2009, 10:17am
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scarlet13 wrote :
i remember you mentioning her, but i don't understand why you thought that was an odd request.
He thought it was somewhat hypocritical or ironic that an inexperienced woman would want a man to have experience. But he didn't remark on why it was odd that an experienced man would be prefer an inexperienced woman. Or is that why he started the baggage & age thread?
 
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