Dating a virgin ~ the holy grail of dating or a burdonsome responsibility? Discuss.


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StraightEdgedCleanShaven is offline StraightEdgedCleanShaven Post #181  November 3,2009, 5:52pm
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A virgin girl is the holy grail of a relationship. For me at least, but I have a good reason (I'm a virgin). And, I think at some level all guys that want a virgin, somehow understand the meaning of what a virgin symbolizes. I don't think that its about pure sexual pleasure, and you guys can't seem to rationalize any reason that it should be either. Nor, do I think that it has anything to do with bragging rights, actually thats kind of a moot point. Something has to be considered of value already before its worth bragging over. No, I think it has something to do with the fact of sex being a physical enactment of love and respect (I would include the embodiment of a permanent commitment, but that would be irevalent to the discussion). We still put value to sex for those reasons, or it wouldn't be considered such a bad thing for someone to cheat on thier partners. A virgin though, hasn't at least physically made such a commitment. For a guy to have a girl to at least appear to make that commitment to them is a huge boost to their ego, and the usually the guys with the already big egos are the ones that desire virgins the most. Regardless of the virgins reason for giving it up, its the mentality of being choose above a lot of others that boost the guys ego, its the percieved value of the act regardless of what the value of it is to the girl. I mean think about it. If you knew that someone going to give a nice crisp twenty dollar bill to someone in a room full of people. Give it to the person with the most charisma and/or looks, wouldn't you feel a little proud if you got even if you had a wallet full of twentys.
 
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Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #182  November 3,2009, 6:05pm
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j0hn8andy wrote :
I put some Brevity into it!

Your female "friend" could learn a little more about friendship, it seems. That's putting it mildly.....

If you only read the bolded sentences the thing doesn't make any sense. Who is "she"? Where did she come from? Why am I suddenly talking about what women think? What were we talking about again?

I didn't mean to imply that most women (or even very many) think this way. In fact the next sentence that was skipped ("I understand that this behavior is in the minority") says exactly that, which is why I wrote it in the first place .

The point is not what most women are like. As I've said previously most men are not serial killers or even just bad guys yet women are still cautious about men they don't know (when interestingly it's the guys they do "know" they should be more worried about!). The fear is what's important and it influences men's behavior as when we first meet a girl we have to be careful to make her feel comfortable to avoid the "is this guy a serial killer?" look (yes, there is a specific look for that).

And yeah, some people value virginity in both others and themselves for purely moral reasons. Nothing wrong with that. I think the implied question was "Why do non-virgin guys want to have sex with virgin women?" That was what I was answering. A virgin guy has his own reasons, two of the most obvious being moral/religious reasons and the other being nervousness about being with an "experienced" girl when you have no experience yourself and being laughed at for only lasting five seconds. Ironically anxiety over sex reduces how long a guy is able to last in bed but there you have it.

Needless to say I'm not friends with that girl in the story anymore (I wasn't pretty much immediately after that point). I was much younger then!

Jacquesne
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #183  November 3,2009, 6:18pm
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Jacquesne wrote :
[snipped...helping with the brevity]
Needless to say I'm not friends with that girl in the story anymore (I wasn't pretty much immediately after that point). I was much younger then!

Jacquesne
Honey, how could you be much younger?
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #184  November 3,2009, 6:22pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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trixie1868 wrote :
I do hear ya.

But by the same token, someone who doesn't know what they're doing is wonderfully suggestible. You know, helpful hints like "No, it's always me first" "women always expect this" "you now have to pop downstairs and rustle up a meal"

Seriously, the down side of this is that inevitably after a while they'll start to wonder what it's really like with other people and just how good or not so good they actually have it with you.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #185  November 3,2009, 6:47pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
Honey, how could you be much younger?
Oh yeah. Five star post.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #186  November 3,2009, 7:07pm
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Being a 44-year-old virgin (the REAL kind, and not for religious--or medical!--reasons), I feel there ought to be something I can contribute to the discussion... but after 19 pages of discussion, I'm not sure that I can. But I will say this, at least:

Seriously, the down side of this is that inevitably after a while they'll start to wonder what it's really like with other people and just how good or not so good they actually have it with you.

I honestly don't believe that this is genuinely inevitable. If my partner is "right" in all other areas of our relationship, and the sex is satisfying, I would not be in the least bit curious about how good anybody else is--certainly not curious enough to want to stray to find out. Sex is, after all, only one component of a complex relationship. Some of us would never risk the whole for wonder about one part.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #187  November 3,2009, 7:13pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Iconography wrote :
Being a 44-year-old virgin (the REAL kind, and not for religious--or medical!--reasons), I feel there ought to be something I can contribute to the discussion... but after 19 pages of discussion, I'm not sure that I can. But I will say this, at least:

Seriously, the down side of this is that inevitably after a while they'll start to wonder what it's really like with other people and just how good or not so good they actually have it with you.

I honestly don't believe that this is genuinely inevitable. If my partner is "right" in all other areas of our relationship, and the sex is satisfying, I would not be in the least bit curious about how good anybody else is--certainly not curious enough to want to stray to find out. Sex is, after all, only one component of a complex relationship. Some of us would never risk the whole for wonder about one part.
Ok....but still, I have to wonder if this may partly be because you're no longer a kid. I have a hunch a lot of 20 somethings would always wonder....even if they never 'strayed'. I mean, I think that a lot of what goes into the process of picking a partner is calibrating to know what the possibilities for a partner are. For example, even apart from sex, if you marry the first person you ever date you have no way to really gauge how good or bad things really are.
 
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Iconography is offline Iconography Post #188  November 3,2009, 7:57pm
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I completely agree with you that most twentysomethings are likely to have a different take on things. (I didn't, though, even at that age; at least, hypothetically! I've always had a peculiar temperament that way.) But I don't entirely agree with your statement that

even apart from sex, if you marry the first person you ever date you have no way to really gauge how good or bad things really are.

One can also be an observer of human behavior to gain some notion of how good one has it, or doesn't. But granted, it does help to be 1) a keen observer of others with an ability to not only observe but interpret and 2) an introspective person who really knows oneself, and what one wants.

Of course, even fewer people marry the only person they've ever dated than marry the only person they've ever slept with. So this does border on a straw man (straw person? ) argument.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #189  November 3,2009, 8:01pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Iconography wrote :
One can also be an observer of human behavior to gain some notion of how good one has it, or doesn't. But granted, it does help to be 1) a keen observer of others with an ability to not only observe but interpret and 2) an introspective person who really knows oneself, and what one wants.
Someone having those abilities might observe that they actually could have had a better relationship than the person they're with.
 
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Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #190  November 3,2009, 8:40pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
Honey, how could you be much younger?
Psh, in my unit I'm the old guy. Seriously. Many of my Sergeants are 21-23. Most of the people in my classes at college are in the same age range.

It depends on your perspective. To them I'm definitely the old guy .
 
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