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nightling's Avatar

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librarybabe wrote :
Yes, BikerBeagle was the guy who first said it, then Benevolence agreed. (p.1 & 2)

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...e-like-me.html (is he using me or does he like me?)

It seems that most guys who would like to be with a virgin some day, don't really have an honest reason even for themselves for why.
And there I was being all politic and not mentioning who. heh heh
- November 3rd, 2009, 01:52 pm
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My point was in "some" guys eyes she would be the holy grail, not in "my" eyes.
Hope that clears things up. As for why I think a few people covered that in this thread - ego, insecurity, bragging rights, conquest, adding it to his list, there could be a littany of reasons.
Again you'd be better off just calling the guy that bought the virgin that auctioned herself off lol
And that is a fine and dandy distinction to make, Benevolent. I didn't expect that just because you understand why some guys think that way it means YOU think that way.

Last edited by nightling; November 3rd, 2009 at 02:14 pm.
- November 3rd, 2009, 01:53 pm
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Oh, the question was why some guys prefer virgins? I must have read the wrong thread because the question I saw was "Do you prefer virgins or not?" Those are two very different questions!

I would think that would be sort of obvious. If a guy is uncomfortable with his sexual ability he figures a virgin won't know "good" from "bad" sex and assume he's good. Likewise less sexual experience means you don't have to worry about being compared to all the other guys she's been with.

For a personal example my best friend went out with a girl for a couple months who was a mutual friend of ours. She had broken up with her previous boyfriend, who we also knew (and treated her badly but what can you do?) a couple months earlier.

Since she was my friend as well (and I was dating her best friend...you know how that stuff gets complicated, lol) one day she comes up to me and tells me she thinks my best friend is a great guy but he isn't big enough "down there." She brags that her former boyfriend (the jerk) had to wear magnum condoms and my friend just wasn't enough.

Needless to say this made an impression. I understand that this behavior is in the minority (and was technically psychological on her part) and I never told my friend about it, even after they broke up, but I'll never forget the shock of such shallow behavior.

Now I have to wonder...is any girl with "experience" I date going to be thinking that sort of thing when I'm with her? Thinking I'm a great guy but not as good in bed as her last boyfriend?

I suppose this fear could apply to both genders but that wasn't the question...it's specifically asking guys why they think the way they do. With a virgin I can be reasonably certain she isn't comparing me to previous boyfriends. I assume the same thought process happens to women when they're concerned an "experienced" boyfriend is comparing their body to previous girls they've been with. It hurts your confidence.

Then of course there's the guys who just want to put another notch on their belt. A virgin is a bigger "challenge" because she hasn't given to anyone else already. While being a non-virgin doesn't make someone promiscuous the implied mentality is that a virgin must be difficult to "score" because no one has done it before. And unfortunately I know guys who think like this. Since this line of thinking is so foreign to guys who actually like women they can easily forget it's out there.

Other reasons include social norms and possessiveness ("she's only been mine!") but those are the two biggest reasons. I won't go into why women would or would not like a virgin because I honestly don't know what they think about it (and, just like men, it's going to vary from person to person).

If you wanted that question answered you should have just said so in the first place. Gotta know what you want!

Jacquesne
- November 3rd, 2009, 02:30 pm
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nightling wrote :
and somehow no one really addresses why being a virgin would be the holy grail to a young guy ...
. It seems that in our post-modern era virginity and chastity, in marriage as well, are so dissonant, so old fashion, so undesirable, so ... feel free to full in. But it is a treasure for people thinking about themselves as being created by Abba, as temples of the Holy Spirit. Having a dignity which can not be forgotten just in view to have fun. fficeffice" />>>
May Our Lord bless and Our Mother protect you all!>>
- November 3rd, 2009, 02:32 pm
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My point was in "some" guys eyes she would be the holy grail, not in "my" eyes.
Hope that clears things up. As for why I think a few people covered that in this thread - ego, insecurity, bragging rights, conquest, adding it to his list, there could be a littany of reasons.
Again you'd be better off just calling the guy that bought the virgin that auctioned herself off lol
nightling wrote :
And there I was being all politic and not mentioning who. heh heh
Sorry Benevolent hero. Didn't mean to make you feel like you were on the hit list. I read your posts in their entirety, and there was nothing offensive there.

Oops. Sorry Nightling, I was trying to be "helpful." That's my problem, I'm rarely diplomatic and my memory is too good. I'll assume from here on that when you are having a "lapse of memory" it is due to being politically diplomatic.
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:22 pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
This came up in another thread so rather than hijack it we're doing this.


If you knew you were dating a virgin would it please you or trouble you?

Is it a heavy responsibility? Or is it a rare and precious pearl?
I have dated one virgin but I was also a virgin at the time and so there wasn't any pressure. I was glad to have lost my virginity to another virgin rather than feel the pressure of being with a woman who in fact would have had something to judge on. The woman I am greatly interested in (but lives 1600 miles away) is a virgin. No pressure at all though for me, probably because I doubt I will be her first but if I end up being her first than so be it.
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:28 pm
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jayjay wrote :
Yeah, I really can't give any valid reasons. At an emotional level I do have the feeling that in general I prefer a woman having less sexual experience rather than having more....but I really can't think of any valid, rational reason for this.
Faira wrote :
I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciates your honesty on this. Seriously.
I appreciate the honesty and the humor. Anyone else remember how bemused he was by a recent date who had only had sex with one man yet wanted a man who was experienced? I love ironic humor.
- November 3rd, 2009, 03:29 pm
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Faira wrote :
I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciates your honesty on this. Seriously.
It's always nice not to be bashed.
- November 3rd, 2009, 04:14 pm
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Jacquesne wrote :
Since she was my friend as well (and I was dating her best friend...you know how that stuff gets complicated, lol) one day she comes up to me and tells me she thinks my best friend is a great guy but he isn't big enough "down there." She brags that her former boyfriend (the jerk) had to wear magnum condoms and my friend just wasn't enough.

Now I have to wonder...is any girl with "experience" I date going to be thinking that sort of thing when I'm with her? Thinking I'm a great guy but not as good in bed as her last boyfriend?

I suppose this fear could apply to both genders but that wasn't the question...it's specifically asking guys why they think the way they do. With a virgin I can be reasonably certain she isn't comparing me to previous boyfriends. I assume the same thought process happens to women when they're concerned an "experienced" boyfriend is comparing their body to previous girls they've been with. It hurts your confidence.

Other reasons include social norms and possessiveness ("she's only been mine!") but those are the two biggest reasons. I won't go into why women would or would not like a virgin because I honestly don't know what they think about it (and, just like men, it's going to vary from person to person).
I put some Brevity into it!

Your female "friend" could learn a little more about friendship, it seems. That's putting it mildly.....

I can only tell you about me. It wouldn't be me making those comparisons. If I found a lack from one man to another, I am sure enough of myself to let the new man know what I want.

Same thing about being with different men. I have enough confidence in myself to not wonder about comparisons. I assume they don't exist. I assume I'm what he wants, if he's with me.

I did say I would not want a man with no experience. When you get to be my age (I could be your grandmother, but I'm not; don't worry, I'd know if I were!), and he's still virgin.....Trust me on this one, it can't be good!

j8a
- November 3rd, 2009, 05:03 pm
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Turtle_speed wrote :
And for the record, although some may feel some of the statements men have made were condescending, as someone who is trying to keep her head, having a date who is also worried about me keeping it and not entering into anything foolishly & regretting it later, is also appreciated.
If I'm truly interested in someone, it will bother me greatly when she starts doing things on a date that I know she'll regret later... things she'll end up associating with me. Drinking too much, or doing other things to apparently "impress" me which I know are way out of character for her.

That's why my profile question about "what are you looking for" talks about having good morals and never having to think twice about them. Or something like that.
- November 3rd, 2009, 05:39 pm
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