Dating a virgin ~ the holy grail of dating or a burdonsome responsibility? Discuss.


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
nightling is offline nightling Post #171  November 3,2009, 12:52pm
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,901

See profile

librarybabe wrote :
Yes, BikerBeagle was the guy who first said it, then Benevolence agreed. (p.1 & 2)

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...e-like-me.html (is he using me or does he like me?)

It seems that most guys who would like to be with a virgin some day, don't really have an honest reason even for themselves for why.
And there I was being all politic and not mentioning who. heh heh
 
  Reply With Quote
nightling is offline nightling Post #172  November 3,2009, 12:53pm
nightling's Avatar

all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2009

Misery

Posts: 6,901

See profile

Benevolence32 wrote :
My point was in "some" guys eyes she would be the holy grail, not in "my" eyes.
Hope that clears things up. As for why I think a few people covered that in this thread - ego, insecurity, bragging rights, conquest, adding it to his list, there could be a littany of reasons.
Again you'd be better off just calling the guy that bought the virgin that auctioned herself off lol
And that is a fine and dandy distinction to make, Benevolent. I didn't expect that just because you understand why some guys think that way it means YOU think that way.
Last edited by nightling; November 3,2009 at 1:14pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #173  November 3,2009, 1:30pm
Jacquesne's Avatar

knows the answer...42

Veteran

Joined: May 2008

Reno, NV

Posts: 1,357

See profile

Oh, the question was why some guys prefer virgins? I must have read the wrong thread because the question I saw was "Do you prefer virgins or not?" Those are two very different questions!

I would think that would be sort of obvious. If a guy is uncomfortable with his sexual ability he figures a virgin won't know "good" from "bad" sex and assume he's good. Likewise less sexual experience means you don't have to worry about being compared to all the other guys she's been with.

For a personal example my best friend went out with a girl for a couple months who was a mutual friend of ours. She had broken up with her previous boyfriend, who we also knew (and treated her badly but what can you do?) a couple months earlier.

Since she was my friend as well (and I was dating her best friend...you know how that stuff gets complicated, lol) one day she comes up to me and tells me she thinks my best friend is a great guy but he isn't big enough "down there." She brags that her former boyfriend (the jerk) had to wear magnum condoms and my friend just wasn't enough.

Needless to say this made an impression. I understand that this behavior is in the minority (and was technically psychological on her part) and I never told my friend about it, even after they broke up, but I'll never forget the shock of such shallow behavior.

Now I have to wonder...is any girl with "experience" I date going to be thinking that sort of thing when I'm with her? Thinking I'm a great guy but not as good in bed as her last boyfriend?

I suppose this fear could apply to both genders but that wasn't the question...it's specifically asking guys why they think the way they do. With a virgin I can be reasonably certain she isn't comparing me to previous boyfriends. I assume the same thought process happens to women when they're concerned an "experienced" boyfriend is comparing their body to previous girls they've been with. It hurts your confidence.

Then of course there's the guys who just want to put another notch on their belt. A virgin is a bigger "challenge" because she hasn't given to anyone else already. While being a non-virgin doesn't make someone promiscuous the implied mentality is that a virgin must be difficult to "score" because no one has done it before. And unfortunately I know guys who think like this. Since this line of thinking is so foreign to guys who actually like women they can easily forget it's out there.

Other reasons include social norms and possessiveness ("she's only been mine!") but those are the two biggest reasons. I won't go into why women would or would not like a virgin because I honestly don't know what they think about it (and, just like men, it's going to vary from person to person).

If you wanted that question answered you should have just said so in the first place. Gotta know what you want!

Jacquesne
 
  Reply With Quote
Dana2009 is offline Dana2009 Post #174  November 3,2009, 1:32pm
Dana2009's Avatar

Growing spiritually!

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2009

Bucharest, Romania

Posts: 25

See profile

nightling wrote :
and somehow no one really addresses why being a virgin would be the holy grail to a young guy ...
. It seems that in our post-modern era virginity and chastity, in marriage as well, are so dissonant, so old fashion, so undesirable, so ... feel free to full in. But it is a treasure for people thinking about themselves as being created by Abba, as temples of the Holy Spirit. Having a dignity which can not be forgotten just in view to have fun.
May Our Lord bless and Our Mother protect you all!
 
  Reply With Quote
librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #175  November 3,2009, 2:22pm
librarybabe's Avatar

is Mrs. Rix! At last!

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2009

living a dream in the Northwest

Posts: 677

See profile

Benevolence32 wrote :
My point was in "some" guys eyes she would be the holy grail, not in "my" eyes.
Hope that clears things up. As for why I think a few people covered that in this thread - ego, insecurity, bragging rights, conquest, adding it to his list, there could be a littany of reasons.
Again you'd be better off just calling the guy that bought the virgin that auctioned herself off lol
nightling wrote :
And there I was being all politic and not mentioning who. heh heh
Sorry Benevolent hero. Didn't mean to make you feel like you were on the hit list. I read your posts in their entirety, and there was nothing offensive there.

Oops. Sorry Nightling, I was trying to be "helpful." That's my problem, I'm rarely diplomatic and my memory is too good. I'll assume from here on that when you are having a "lapse of memory" it is due to being politically diplomatic.
 
  Reply With Quote
stevex is offline stevex Post #176  November 3,2009, 2:28pm
stevex's Avatar

Life is a blessing, it's a delicatessen.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Austin, TX

Posts: 1,297

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
This came up in another thread so rather than hijack it we're doing this.


If you knew you were dating a virgin would it please you or trouble you?

Is it a heavy responsibility? Or is it a rare and precious pearl?
I have dated one virgin but I was also a virgin at the time and so there wasn't any pressure. I was glad to have lost my virginity to another virgin rather than feel the pressure of being with a woman who in fact would have had something to judge on. The woman I am greatly interested in (but lives 1600 miles away) is a virgin. No pressure at all though for me, probably because I doubt I will be her first but if I end up being her first than so be it.
 
  Reply With Quote
librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #177  November 3,2009, 2:29pm
librarybabe's Avatar

is Mrs. Rix! At last!

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2009

living a dream in the Northwest

Posts: 677

See profile

jayjay wrote :
Yeah, I really can't give any valid reasons. At an emotional level I do have the feeling that in general I prefer a woman having less sexual experience rather than having more....but I really can't think of any valid, rational reason for this.
Faira wrote :
I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciates your honesty on this. Seriously.
I appreciate the honesty and the humor. Anyone else remember how bemused he was by a recent date who had only had sex with one man yet wanted a man who was experienced? I love ironic humor.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #178  November 3,2009, 3:14pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

Faira wrote :
I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciates your honesty on this. Seriously.
It's always nice not to be bashed.
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #179  November 3,2009, 4:03pm
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 4,848

See profile

Jacquesne wrote :
Since she was my friend as well (and I was dating her best friend...you know how that stuff gets complicated, lol) one day she comes up to me and tells me she thinks my best friend is a great guy but he isn't big enough "down there." She brags that her former boyfriend (the jerk) had to wear magnum condoms and my friend just wasn't enough.

Now I have to wonder...is any girl with "experience" I date going to be thinking that sort of thing when I'm with her? Thinking I'm a great guy but not as good in bed as her last boyfriend?

I suppose this fear could apply to both genders but that wasn't the question...it's specifically asking guys why they think the way they do. With a virgin I can be reasonably certain she isn't comparing me to previous boyfriends. I assume the same thought process happens to women when they're concerned an "experienced" boyfriend is comparing their body to previous girls they've been with. It hurts your confidence.

Other reasons include social norms and possessiveness ("she's only been mine!") but those are the two biggest reasons. I won't go into why women would or would not like a virgin because I honestly don't know what they think about it (and, just like men, it's going to vary from person to person).
I put some Brevity into it!

Your female "friend" could learn a little more about friendship, it seems. That's putting it mildly.....

I can only tell you about me. It wouldn't be me making those comparisons. If I found a lack from one man to another, I am sure enough of myself to let the new man know what I want.

Same thing about being with different men. I have enough confidence in myself to not wonder about comparisons. I assume they don't exist. I assume I'm what he wants, if he's with me.

I did say I would not want a man with no experience. When you get to be my age (I could be your grandmother, but I'm not; don't worry, I'd know if I were!), and he's still virgin.....Trust me on this one, it can't be good!

j8a
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #180  November 3,2009, 4:39pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

Turtle_speed wrote :
And for the record, although some may feel some of the statements men have made were condescending, as someone who is trying to keep her head, having a date who is also worried about me keeping it and not entering into anything foolishly & regretting it later, is also appreciated.
If I'm truly interested in someone, it will bother me greatly when she starts doing things on a date that I know she'll regret later... things she'll end up associating with me. Drinking too much, or doing other things to apparently "impress" me which I know are way out of character for her.

That's why my profile question about "what are you looking for" talks about having good morals and never having to think twice about them. Or something like that.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« a canceled date and no explanation | Dating | Craigs List 'missed connection' posting »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:23am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0