Dating a virgin ~ the holy grail of dating or a burdonsome responsibility? Discuss.


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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #131  November 2,2009, 8:31pm
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does not believe everything she reads.

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Gosh, as a 29-year old virgin I'm beginning to feel like a bit of a freakshow reading some of the posts here. Good thing my fiance loves me and values my decision to wait for sex until marriage! lol Innocent and naive are not the same thing, as he often tells me. If anyone thinks that virgins don't understand sexual frustration, etc, they should just come talk to me. I get it. Waiting is hard. It's even more difficult when you actually have someone to wait for. But to me, it's worth it, freakshowiness notwithstanding.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #132  November 2,2009, 8:36pm
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lindseyk wrote :
Gosh, as a 29-year old virgin I'm beginning to feel like a bit of a freakshow reading some of the posts here. Good thing my fiance loves me and values my decision to wait for sex until marriage! lol Innocent and naive are not the same thing, as he often tells me. If anyone thinks that virgins don't understand sexual frustration, etc, they should just come talk to me. I get it. Waiting is hard. It's even more difficult when you actually have someone to wait for. But to me, it's worth it, freakshowiness notwithstanding.

You are not the freakshow, Lindsey. Men who have no valid reason to seek out a virgin but view them as scores or prizes are the freakshow. People who hold one standard for men and another for women are the freakshow.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #133  November 2,2009, 8:37pm
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ThePriestess wrote :
Do you give them a ring too?
No.
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #134  November 2,2009, 8:51pm
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ThePriestess wrote :
Limousine is the adjective, eyelash is the noun. What comes to mind?
Like I'd tell you...
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #135  November 2,2009, 8:53pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
You are not the freakshow, Lindsey. Men who have no valid reason to seek out a virgin but view them as scores or prizes are the freakshow. People who hold one standard for men and another for women are the freakshow.
+1.

Lindsey, I really liked how you said, "Innocent and naive are not the same thing." Nicely put.
 
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calamitysammyjo is offline calamitysammyjo Post #136  November 2,2009, 8:57pm
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Jacquesne wrote :
Ugh. Maybe I should just go with the whole bad guy thing. I am, after all, a White Male, the Source of All Things Wrong With The World. I could just lie and say I hate women and all other races besides my own (whatever that is) and I wouldn't have to play the apologetic monster trying to fight against my evil animal instincts.

Unfortunately I'm not willing to give up that easily. Because I'm arrogant, of course!

Jacquesne
Hey, at least you're well spoken. LOL Stay a good guy, There are enough bad guys already.

I waited until I was 21 and thought I'd found "the one". It didn't work out, but I'm glad I waited for him. He took care, took his time, and I don't regret it at all. He told me later he'd felt like me choosing him was an honor.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #137  November 2,2009, 8:59pm
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Faira wrote :
Come on Jayjay...even if that's true, it's also a cop-out...

You're smarter than that.
He is too smart to post reasons. heh.
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #138  November 2,2009, 9:04pm
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The "destruction" of her social fabric is what unhinges a female virgin, not our incredible sexual powers. Now she has pressure on herself that this guy has to be "the one," she has guilt if it was an accident or part of the moment and now she considers herself "dirty" and sleeps with every guy she can, etc. You can talk about the Evil Patriarchy all you want but ultimately these things are not something the average guy pushes onto women. More likely those things were taught to her by her mother (who, of course, was brainwashed by the Patriarchy...ugh).

Hm . . . it wasn't my mom who always told me that virginity was something to be valued, although she told me often enough. My dad talked to me about it a lot more. He waited for my mom and he didn't get married until he was 29. He met her when he was 25. She was 19 when they got married and he was also her first. They have both told me that waiting for each other was something important to them and that knowing they have only ever been with each other has been a source of strength and intimacy in their relationship. It is, as they say, a bond like no other. My dad and I have talked about it quite a lot and I know it means a lot to him. Of course, he's from an older generation and some might think his views are old-fashioned, but I have the utmost respect for my dad and I have seen the value of his integrity on this and many other issues.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying that people who have sex before marriage have no integrity. Most of my friends are not virgins and they are some of the most amazing people I know. Virginity is not, as I've said before, a mark of character. It can be, but it isn't always.
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #139  November 2,2009, 9:07pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
You are not the freakshow, Lindsey. Men who have no valid reason to seek out a virgin but view them as scores or prizes are the freakshow. People who hold one standard for men and another for women are the freakshow.
My fiance agrees.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #140  November 2,2009, 9:18pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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nightling wrote :
He is too smart to post reasons. heh.
Yeah, I really can't give any valid reasons. At an emotional level I do have the feeling that in general I prefer a woman having less sexual experience rather than having more....but I really can't think of any valid, rational reason for this.
 
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