Should Lie About Status of Divorce Be Forgiven?


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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #21  November 1,2009, 5:28pm
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hazmat wrote :
Duly noted.

I just don't feel life is so black and white. He didn't lie to cause harm, the guy just wants to get on with his life. I'm sure none of us has ever made a mistake and had to apologize for it. He must like her (or the idea of her) quite a bit to continue trying. What a waste not to at least give it a cup of coffee.
I see the point that you are trying to make here, Hazmat. I can see how he would want to get on with his life, but I guess what I'm having trouble getting past is why lie about being divorced? I mean, had he explained it, she may very well have understood. I know I've had things explained to me that others may not have understood (not this kind of thing), but I did understand, and in those cases if I would have been asked to be patient with the situation and give the guy a chance, I would have done so in a heartbeat. Just my two cents.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #22  November 1,2009, 6:02pm
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brneyedangel wrote :
I see the point that you are trying to make here, Hazmat. I can see how he would want to get on with his life, but I guess what I'm having trouble getting past is why lie about being divorced? I mean, had he explained it, she may very well have understood. I know I've had things explained to me that others may not have understood (not this kind of thing), but I did understand, and in those cases if I would have been asked to be patient with the situation and give the guy a chance, I would have done so in a heartbeat. Just my two cents.

Why did he lie about it ? (The following statements do not mean that I condone lying ) Read through this thread and you'll see a good reason why. Look at all the people beating him up and judging him because he dared to show interest in a woman while still "legally" married. He's been separated for 3 years with the divorce papers filed, yet his life is still being run by a warped legal system and a spouse who seems to like drama. If the divorce is final now, then his story would seem to be true. Yeah, he made a mistake by lying, and he knew it. If the papers were already filed, he basically lied about when it would be final. How many times should he apologize ?
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #23  November 1,2009, 6:06pm
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hazmat wrote :
Why did he lie about it ? (The following statements do not mean that I condone lying ) Read through this thread and you'll see a good reason why. Look at all the people beating him up and judging him because he dared to show interest in a woman while still "legally" married. He's been separated for 3 years with the divorce papers filed, yet his life is still being run by a warped legal system and a spouse who seems to like drama. If the divorce is final now, then his story would seem to be true. Yeah, he made a mistake by lying, and he knew it. If the papers were already filed, he basically lied about when it would be final. How many times should he apologize ?
Point taken. Didn't mean to upset ya.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #24  November 1,2009, 6:43pm
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Not upset, just passionate in my argument.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel — Advice Member-Moderator Post #25  November 1,2009, 6:46pm
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hazmat wrote :
Not upset, just passionate in my argument.
It's all good.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #26  November 1,2009, 6:53pm
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hazmat wrote :
Duly noted.

I just don't feel life is so black and white. He didn't lie to cause harm, the guy just wants to get on with his life. I'm sure none of us has ever made a mistake and had to apologize for it. He must like her (or the idea of her) quite a bit to continue trying. What a waste not to at least give it a cup of coffee.
I get what you're saying, Haz, and I agree that it's not always black and white but I have two sticking points here.

1. He lied again when she asked him straight up.
2. It's all about him. Him wanting to get on with his life. Him wanting to date. Him wanting to not be judged. Where in any of this is his concern or consideration for the women he might be meeting?

He may not have lied intending to cause harm but he lied to get what he wanted without regard for what she might have chosen given the full circumstances.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #27  November 1,2009, 7:45pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
I get what you're saying, Haz, and I agree that it's not always black and white but I have two sticking points here.

1. He lied again when she asked him straight up.
2. It's all about him. Him wanting to get on with his life. Him wanting to date. Him wanting to not be judged. Where in any of this is his concern or consideration for the women he might be meeting?

He may not have lied intending to cause harm but he lied to get what he wanted without regard for what she might have chosen given the full circumstances.

And all those homeless guys are veterans and people with "will work for food" signs really want to mow your grass. People lie every day. This is coffee, not world peace. I made it about him, since no one else would take up the defense. And we make choices every single day without knowing the full circumstances. Some actually turn out great.

Maybe he lied because he was tired of being chased around by women with pitchforks and torches.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #28  November 1,2009, 7:48pm
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hazmat wrote :
And all those homeless guys are veterans and people with "will work for food" signs really want to mow your grass. People lie every day. This is coffee, not world peace. I made it about him, since no one else would take up the defense. And we make choices every single day without knowing the full circumstances. Some actually turn out great.

Maybe he lied because he was tired of being chased around by women with pitchforks and torches.
Bored tonight, are we?

And you know perfectly well I have better weaponry than pitchforks and torches.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #29  November 1,2009, 7:57pm
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
Bored tonight, are we?

And you know perfectly well I have better weaponry than pitchforks and torches.

I shudder to think of the weaponry you have at hand Actually, I just like a good debate
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #30  November 1,2009, 8:12pm
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6dle899 wrote :
Why would you want to date would-be adulters? Tell me please: What future is there in that for *YOU* ?

I am shocked at your statistics -- but I DO believe you. How disheartening, for people that would like to date you and who are unmarried.




His elaborate dance and rationalizing, and lies of omission, along with his admission he was lying on purpose, say all.


What a hormonally driven loser. Disgusting. Suppose he "forgot" to tell you he was a convicted child molester on parole too?

I ABSOLUTELY disagree with what the others have said!!!!


What is it about the concept of "STILL LEGALLY MARRIED" that so eludes everyone around here?

Still "legally" married = married.

Period.

Stay away.


You could be the NEXT victim, if heaven help you, you got married to someone like that, you already know they could easily justify cheating, using the same kinds of rationales.

Good grief.

No wonder this country is going to he ll in a handbasket, if 60% of your hits are from married men.

I am aghast.
Thank you for saying this so well.
 
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