Holding out for love at first sight is ambitious when you're young and a sign of arrested development when you're middle aged


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #1  November 1,2009, 11:22am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,727

See profile

So, here we have a Lady's point of view:


trixie1868 wrote :
He'd made the initial contact and commented that in the flesh I looked like my pictures. So I figured he must be attracted to me or why bother? Afterwards he wrote to me and said he thoroughly enjoyed my company but felt that there was "no spark". I was left confused by it till I came up with this ~ I think chemistry is vital but not always instant.

I'm prepared to hang around a little see if it develops (I'm a grown up) but some people aren't. I think holding out for love at first sight is ambitious when you're young and a sign of arrested development when you're middle aged.

Now, I think it can be worth going forward when pictures are ambiguous, to see the person in person. Since, after all, only in-person meetings can form a basis for attraction.

Of course, attraction is not at all akin to "love at first sight."
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #2  November 1,2009, 11:40am

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

I get tired of this...I see it a lot on the boards...

I know it takes me time to feel attracted to a guy...I also know it takes a few seconds for a man to be attracted to me (it remains to be seen if the attraction withstands the getting to know you part).

What gets me about this place - women call men shallow because they don't give them a chance and men really do believe that women feel attraction the same way they do.

(And I am sure it irritates people to no end that I generalize about this - but heck. it is right so just accept it and move on!)
 
  Reply With Quote
littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #3  November 1,2009, 11:41am
littlebluemon…'s Avatar

Sage

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 13,323

See profile

I think there's no such thing as love at first sight. There's lust at first sight. There's attraction at first sight. There's chemistry at first sight.

Love, for me at least, involves knowledge and you cannot know someone instantaneously. It involves respect and you cannot know that someone is worthy of respect or willing/able to respect you at first sight. It involves responsibility, which is an attribute that can only be ascertained over time.

Anyone who's middle-aged and holding out for love at first sight is not only suffering from arrested development, they are clearly demonstrating beliefs and values so different from mine that I suspect it would make us instantly incompatible.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  November 1,2009, 11:42am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,727

See profile

LizziePooh wrote :
I know it takes me time to feel attracted to a guy...

A different question ...

You feel attraction in a longer time after meeting, or before meeting?
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  November 1,2009, 11:50am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

Trixie's post that's quoted in the original post mentions 'spark', 'chemistry' and also 'love at first sight'. I think the first two are different than 'love at first sight'. Expecting to 'love' someone at first sight seems pretty extreme....wanting to feel a spark or chemistry not so much. These latter to me amount to feeling a certain amount of spontaneous attraction to a person, which I definitely want.
Last edited by jayjay; November 1,2009 at 11:53am.
 
  Reply With Quote
trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #6  November 1,2009, 11:52am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

London

Posts: 4,703

See profile

You can't call me a "lady" and then misinterpret me Frog!

I said I don't really entertain 'love at first sight', it was tongue in cheek, you know that.

Carry on with the thread by all means, if you're going to be analytical with my more blase comments then I may not join in.


~ Thank you Jayjay.

Bad Frog, Naughty Frog.
Last edited by trixie1868; November 1,2009 at 11:53am. Reason: D_Lion is being unsagelike
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  November 1,2009, 11:56am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,727

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
Bad Frog, Naughty Frog.

Who?
 
  Reply With Quote
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #8  November 1,2009, 12:07pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
A different question ...

You feel attraction in a longer time after meeting, or before meeting?
I am going to think about my answer...
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  November 1,2009, 12:13pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

LizziePooh wrote :
I am going to think about my answer...
You're funny....I've noticed before when you find a topic that seems to interest you that you let us know you're thinking about it and will get back with it. How cute is that.
 
  Reply With Quote
meri75 is offline meri75 Post #10  November 1,2009, 12:34pm
meri75's Avatar

really wants a double dissolution in 2011!

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Australia

Posts: 5,112

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
So, here we have a Lady's point of view:

Now, I think it can be worth going forward when pictures are ambiguous, to see the person in person. Since, after all, only in-person meetings can form a basis for attraction.

Of course, attraction is not at all akin to "love at first sight."
So. You're saying that you've never been attracted to a woman without meeting her? I mean, you felt zero attraction to her prior to the meeting?

As to the other stuff: no, I do not believe in love at first sight. Lust, yes.

Trixie also has a point and so too does Lizzie Pooh. We get it men can be more visual with attraction ... why do men seem to not get it that we women can be more cerebral when it comes to finding a man attractive? (I'm with LP sentiments on this topic!)

Your brain (the men I mean) is highly attractive - if I am not attracted to your brain, then I am not attracted to you.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Why am I doing this? | Dating | Voice mail jitters »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:35am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0