If he wasn't interested, then why meet me in person?

We communicated regularly via email and phone for a two week period, and had a great conversational rapport. Then we finally met for our first date over coffee. At the end of the date, when I told him I had a great time and would like to see him again, he responded that he wasn't physically attracted to me and wasn't interested in seeing me again. His lack of tact left me a little shell-shocked and disappointed.

On the date he disclosed that he broke up with his ex-girlfriend because he felt she was too sensitive to his sarcasm. He also said that he just bought a house, has been suffering with back problems, while also trying to expand his social circle outside of his work friends, because most of them are married or in a relationship. On top of that, his family lives on the east coast so he's without family where we live.

I really took his tactless comment personally about not being physically attracted to me, and for some reason I can't let that go. I know it was just one date. Does that mean the past two weeks we spent getting to know each other - building what I thought was real intimacy, was a mistake? Am I supposed to just rush into meeting an online match immediately after first contact? Is it wrong to try to get to know someone before you meet in person?

What should I have done differently? Should I be offended by his comment to me on the date? I don't blame him for not feeling physical chemistry with me. I've been on dates with men where I just didn't feel that spark of chemistry that makes you attracted to someone. But I'm just really disappointed that he would spend two weeks getting to know me then to reject me as soon as we meet. It felt a bit jarring.

Was it a mistake? Only if you didn't learn anything from it.

Do you believe it's worth spending two weeks in email and phone, only for one of you to find out at first sight that there isn't any spark or physical attraction? Do you still believe you can get to "know" someone before you meet them? Or that it's worthwhile to try?

What happened to you has happened to all of us. Welcome to the club.

There is no tactful way to say "I don't want to go out again." He could just say that and leave you wondering. He could do it through email and you'd think he was gutless. He could poof. All the options are bad. You learn not to take it so personally, and you adjust your expectations in the future.

I don't blame him for not feeling physical chemistry with me. I've been on dates with men where I just didn't feel that spark of chemistry that makes you attracted to someone.

...and, yet, you apparently do blame him for -leading you on?- for 2 weeks before stating simply that he wasn't feeling the "spark of chemistry"? ...interesting, and curious, how long did you communicate with the men who you met and didn't find any chemistry with?

You obviously felt some attraction to him ...he obviously didn't feel any for you - rejection bites, but why be 'offended' by it? Do you think that they guys you met and felt no attraction to were 'offended'? (Some of them probably were).

Granted, he may have been able to find a more tactful way to inform you ...the ol' email the next day - blah blah you are really nice blah blah had a fantastic time blah blah but don't feel any chemistry blah blah - but ...

Double standard, much?

I think a tactful way to handle it is to say, you are a really nice person, but I don't sense that I have the right chemistry with you. I do wish you luck finding the right person, though.

Double standard, much?

Secondly ... you clearly doubt your physical attractiveness or his comment would not bother you. Why do you doubt that you are physically attractive? What could you do to be more self-confident of yourself in this area so that you just laugh at the next creep who says something like that?