is he using me or does he like me?


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sthngrlc is offline sthngrlc Post #1  October 31,2009, 6:19pm
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I have known a guy for a couple of months. Over time, we have grown to become friends, casual friends. We don't hangout much. A couple weeks ago we made out and fooled around a little. We didn't get past 2nd base, and he knows that i am a virgin, and he def. is NOT! Anyway, at first it started out as a friends with benefits thing, but we've hungout a couple of times. Nothing serious. Recently, he started to call me every day, and on the weekends he normally will send me a txt to say hi, nothing much. I know he still hangs out with other girls and prob. has sex with some, but he always asks me if I would date him. He says he doesn't want me to hangout with other guys one on one, so I'm trying to figure out if he wants to date or not. The other day he said that before long we would be dating, but I can't tell if he is just wanting to see how far he can get with me or if he really likes me. Would be helpful to have a guys point of view.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #2  October 31,2009, 6:54pm
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I think the only way to find out hun is to date him and see. Just don't have sex with him any time soon. If he likes you for you, he'll wait until you trust him.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  October 31,2009, 7:42pm
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What nightling said. I think the 90 day rule that is so wildly popular with many here definitely applies.
 
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Bootsky is offline Bootsky Post #4  October 31,2009, 8:06pm
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It seems like all signs point to him liking you. I would date him and see if he is legit or not. I just wouldn't have sex with him. If he is interested in you for you then he will wait.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #5  October 31,2009, 8:07pm

blames self-help books

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Normally I am the do what makes you happy kinda gal but in this, listen to the above posts.

Okay bootsky wasn't there when I posted this but I see no flaws in her post.
 
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jojogirl1964 is offline jojogirl1964 Post #6  October 31,2009, 8:47pm
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You are obviously still young, and not into sleeping around so just go out with him a few times and see how is attitude is towards you. If he keeps pressuring you about the sex thing and you feel uncomfortable about it,,,,well there is your answer,,Move on.

My mother always said to me "make them work for it and dont give it away for nothing" Dont compromise your values just to have a man in you life.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #7  November 1,2009, 1:49am
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I don't know the bloke so i couldn't really say what his intentions are, i guess it all comes down to whether or not he is sleeping with other women, you don't know for sure but you're assuming he is. If you knew for a fact that he was sleeping around and still chasing you then it would be hard to see that as anything other than trying to add you to the list, a double sized bedpost notch for a virgin.
The only way you're going to know what's going on is if you ask him and he's honest enough to tell the truth. No matter what he says you might not believe him anyway, it depends on how much you trust him.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  November 1,2009, 8:13am
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sthngrlc wrote :
The other day he said that before long we would be dating
What a bizarre thing to say.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #9  November 1,2009, 8:15am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
What a bizarre thing to say.

I think so too. It could be a kind of futuring statement. It holds out the possibility of a relationship without actually stating so. If he wanted to date her rather than just play with her, why wouldn't he just say please date me or let's go out, or better yet, can I pick you up for dinner Friday night?
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #10  November 1,2009, 8:21am
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Honestly, from a guy's perspective, I'm going to have to go with "just wanting to see how far he can get with you".

You are a virgin, that's "holy grail' in man-code. Never underestimate what a guy will do or say to get it. This guy is already getting to 2nd base with you without even giving up anything - still hanging out with other girls, having sex with some you think - but I'm guessing you've probably already told him - or in some way made it clear - that you won't have sex with him unless you are 'dating'?? He knows that he's gonna have to give his things up (at least, temporarily) so that you'll give your thing up - so to speak =).

I hate to say that ...because it casts a shadow on the intentions of every guy you are meeting or ever going to meet, but sex is a driving force in any guy's interest in you, especially in your age group - you might as well learn that lesson now.

As far as what to do? ...like other's have said, date him if you want, but don't give it up - unless you are comfortable with that decision and want to. Just realize that he's already showing some of his true colors, not wanting you to hangout with any other guys one-on-one (not because he's necessarily jealous, but because he's afraid you'll give it up for them and not him).

Just do this ...step back, ask yourself this one question - if it wasn't for sex, would this guy be interested in me? - then listen to your gut instinct for the answer and act on that.

That's the best advice we can give you.
 
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