nightling is offline nightling Post #1  October 31,2009, 8:27am
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all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark.

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OK I know I started a thread somewhere on this topic already but I am on a very slow computer since I broke my laptop and finding it would take longer than walking to China through a sea of molasses. It just ain't happening.

Briefly the original concept was that Right Effort doesn't attach to an outcome ... even as you pursue an activity that oculd result in it. So you are walking because it's good for you, not to lose weight. Same with medidtating and enlightnement. It's a shift in focus on the activity instead of the outcome. It's also an attitude that accepts the outcome may be different than you desired.

What is Right Effort when it comes to finding someone to share your life with?

Reading through these posts, thinking up answers to the thought-provoking questions you all ask, has led me to some conclusions for myself on this question. I appreciate all the positive feedback and support while I've been here thinking things all over.

Right Effort for me I think consists of being more open to possibilities and placing myself in locations where those possibilties can arise while continuing to pursue only those things which feel authentic. Thinking about it like this, I can see a lot of ways in which I could meet more people without changing much about my life at all.

So, my early morning poetry writing sessions could take place at the coffee house one Saturday each month (I'd go with more than one coffeehouse if more than one w wireless were available). I could work out at different times of the day to see what different mixes of people are present at my gym.

I will accept social engagements that might challenge my usual comfort zones with the idea that I am supporting a friend and/or learning something new and likely to meet new people and/or have an adventure. All three of which are life goals for me. I haven't been pursuing these things much, out of a sense of limited finances. (Yes, I need a new job, too. Working on it.)

I should talk to more people I interact with instead of being so focused on the job at hand. The grocery store bagger knows at least 50 people I don't know. And likewise the woman at the gym. With a little chit chat now and again, I can expand my potential network by hundreds. (This alone has already netted me three story leads I wouldn't have otherwise gotten.)

I am still not certain a dating service fits ... still thinking that one over. Still interested to hear people's thoughts on it. It feels artificial to me. And I am frankly concerned how to assess the motives of these people who I have no framework with other than meeting them through the Internet. I know from experience you have infinitely more to lose than a little bit of time if your date turns out to be a wolf. At least with people you meet through social networks there's a certain amount of screening you can go through as to their honesty and motives. It feels a little bit more protected and safer to me. Am I wrong? Maybe I am. Convince me.

I just recently finished reading an article also in an old Oprah magazine called How to Make Your Own Luck. February 2009. If I can find a link for it I'll edit this post to add it in, but it's got some interesting ideas in it and I highly recommend it.

I have to say this has been one of the nicer boards I've ever participated in. Maybe it's the moderating protecting us all. I do not know, but I like to think there are just some really good people here. Thanks again everyone for your feedback.
Last edited by nightling; October 31,2009 at 8:37am.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2  October 31,2009, 8:49am

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nightling wrote :
OK I know I started a thread somewhere on this topic already but I am on a very slow computer since I broke my laptop and finding it would take longer than walking to China through a sea of molasses. It just ain't happening.
Welcome to the hell that is the internet at work. Our IT guy has an insane devotion to all things Symantic. *shudders* I feel your pain.

To the actual post, I think you posted something on my cable player thread. I am at work, I am not going to look for it. Still, I really am nice to all who work with the public. I do this because it is the right thing to do. I have observed that it gets me breaks on my bills. Really in that thread the underlying question was since I am aware of the savings does it taint the motive? Kinda goes to your post so I am throwing this out there.
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #3  October 31,2009, 8:56am
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I really, really, like this idea, nightling. I've actually thinking a bit about this myself lately...about how my dating life would change if I was less attached to outcomes...

I've been trying to figure out what exactly the outcomes are that I've been attached to...sometimes I'm sure, sometimes thoughts that come out of nowhere really surprise me.

Right effort...it's an excellent question. I want to come back to this later when my brain feels a little less fried.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  October 31,2009, 9:03am
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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nightling wrote :
Briefly the original concept was that Right Effort doesn't attach to an outcome ... even as you pursue an activity that oculd result in it. So you are walking because it's good for you, not to lose weight.
Walking because it's good for you is also pursuing a result. It's just a different result than losing weight.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #5  October 31,2009, 9:07am
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Yes nightling, and very well stated. I would attach 'intent' onto the concept of right effort. When you put yourself in the places that make it possible to meet people, you then also have to have the presense of mind to intend an outcome...

You help this whole process out by making your intentions clear to the other party... not necessarily by stating them outright mind you... that is where style comes into play... but that is another conversation...
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #6  October 31,2009, 9:33am

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[quote=DennisWisconsin;783036]Yes nightling, and very well stated. I would attach 'intent' onto the concept of right effort. When you put yourself in the places that make it possible to meet people, you then also have to have the presense of mind to intend an outcome...

You help this whole process out by making your intentions clear to the other party... not necessarily by stating them outright mind you... that is where style comes into play... but that is another conversation...
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  October 31,2009, 9:44am
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Nicely stated.
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #8  October 31,2009, 10:19am
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jayjay wrote :
Walking because it's good for you is also pursuing a result. It's just a different result than losing weight.
But if that's not the result she's trying to detach from...it's a win-win.

It's just...tricking the mind a bit.

Everything we do is results-oriented. That's why it's so hard...not to be results-oriented.
 
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CapnCrunch23 is offline CapnCrunch23 Post #9  October 31,2009, 10:29am

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Faira wrote :
Everything we do is results-oriented. That's why it's so hard...not to be results-oriented.
I agree with that Faira, but in what aspect of life are we not looking to get results of somekind?
Last edited by CaptCrunch23; October 31,2009 at 10:50am.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #10  October 31,2009, 10:53am

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CaptCrunch23 wrote :
I agree with that Faira, but in what aspect of life are we not looking to get results or somekind?
Everything we do has a why, right effort is that the why doesn't drive the outcome. You walk to the bus stop, why, because you have to get there. Because of the walk you are healthier, you burn calories, you have time to think, etc. So as you are thinking you see a couple talking, you smile, you think you know that guy I know talks to me like that, OMG!! he is flirting with me. Next time you happen to see him you flirt, he asks you out. None of these results came from the why but from the journey that happened by keeping your mind open and not focusing on how far it is from your house to the bus stop.
 
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