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lululu lululu is offline
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jayjay wrote :
Though, I wouldn't consider someone in the type of situation you describe (not seeing each other for months etc.) as a SO or girlfriend either.
People have complicated relationships. My parents lived in two different states for a couple years and only saw each other a couple of times a month for the weekend. It worked for them.

And while a couple times a month is a lot more than months apart, Ohio and Illinois are a lot closer than India and the States.
Last edited by lululu; October 30th, 2009 at 11:05 pm. Reason: thought of more to add.
- October 30th, 2009, 11:03 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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lululu wrote :
People have complicated relationships. My parents lived in two different states for a couple years and only saw each other a couple of times a month for the weekend. It worked for them.

And while a couple times a month is a lot more than months apart, Ohio and Illinois are a lot closer than India and the States.
Yup. Some people don't mind it. Not for me, thanks.
- October 31st, 2009, 02:15 am
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lululu lululu is offline
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jayjay wrote :
Yup. Some people don't mind it. Not for me, thanks.
I'm not saying it's for you. I'm saying that if it works for them and they consider each other to be SOs, then they are.
- October 31st, 2009, 05:44 am
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ennoidyam ennoidyam is offline
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Thanks for the input guys!

I don't feel badly now about not wanting to go. I DO agree that I should have shown more interest by asking for more details. I'll do that when he calls tonight.

And, JayJay, after almost 2 years...if I'm NOT his GF than I'm P.O'd at all the hot sex I turned down out of loyalty to him...


Just to clear up, he doesn't LIVE in India, he was just there on buisness.

I'm never inclined to go with him unless its somewhere in the good 'ol US. I loathe long plane trips and am very busy myself.
Nor do I want the kind of relationship where I see the guy 24-7...I 'm one of those people that needs breathing room and personal space.


It's not for everyone though, I know. I know people that fall apart when they have to spend ONE day apart.

On the other hand...

I have friends in the military who are married and thier husbands have been in Iraq for over a year...guess that means they are divorced??
- October 31st, 2009, 11:19 am
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ennoidyam wrote :
And, JayJay, after almost 2 years...if I'm NOT his GF than I'm P.O'd at all the hot sex I turned down out of loyalty to him...
I just mean there's no way I'd have something long distance going on for 2 years. At least, not a committed type relationship.
- October 31st, 2009, 12:58 pm
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ennoidyam ennoidyam is offline
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jayjay wrote :
I just mean there's no way I'd have something long distance going on for 2 years. At least, not a committed type relationship.
ffice

Two years IS long if you are seeing each other every day. But the math is different when you don't. I am a loyal person. I am just as faithful if you live across the street from me or if you live a thousand miles away.

I've had opportunities to move- if anyone were to do it; it would be easier for me.
I had a job offer in his state a few weeks ago. He was excited that I would be closer. But I turned it down-too much travel required. I have kids and I don't want the kind of life he has where I'd have to be gone every week. He was upset but he trust me to make right decisions and that things will happen as they should. I love his faith and patience.

I have been in enough relationships where I am happy taking it slow. I know myself enough to know that this is an idea relationship for me. I get the time and space to "learn" him without the physical fireworks obfuscating everything.

It takes great patience and trust and a person who is not dependant or needy of constant attention to pull off an LDR.

I have broken off the relationship with every guy I've been with-all of them were men that lived within miles of me. My track record is less than 2 years with any man. I get serious too quickly and bored of them easily. I was forced to take my time with this one. We are learning each other and have become friends as well as partners. That kind of a relationship takes time to cultivate and, I never took the time for that before. It was always fireworks, sex, then "I love you". Then find out after a year I don't like the person after all.

I love the way we are now. I have my own life AND him. I don’t pressure him and he respects my life as well. I had planned to move to his state long before I met him and I WILL do it--when the time is right for ME. We will be closer then, yes, but I'm in no rush.

Things will unfold as they should and I have learned the hard way NOT to rush or force things into what seems "idea".

As I said, it's not for every one. But I love what we have. He has dropped the "M" word but I'm in no rush. And if it does happen, for the first time, I will be in a tried and TETSED relationship with a strong time-tested foundation that is just right for marriage.
Last edited by ennoidyam; October 31st, 2009 at 03:46 pm.
- October 31st, 2009, 03:38 pm
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saulgoode saulgoode is offline
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Ask to go. My gf fakes interest in all sorts of things I do.

I love it.

I even ask for her input on things, and she gets a kick when I take her seriously.


- Saul
- November 2nd, 2009, 11:59 am
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Jacquesne Jacquesne is offline
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My first instinctual response was, and I quote, "Huh?"

That's the guy part of my brain saying you are way over-thinking it. Unless he's a very different species than myself your interest in his conference wasn't even a blip on the radar. Most guys don't expect women to be interested in the stuff they like to do that much. It's always nice but my interest in the capabilities of the M249 SAW vs. the AK-47, or whether or not 47 armor penetration and 68 strength is better for my World of Warcraft character or 126 attack power and 55 crit is better, or if Aristotle and Socrates were the origin of much of modern conservative and liberal thought, blah blah blah women don't care. We know that. Big deal. Heck I doubt many guys I know would care unless they're part of one of those interest groups.

Personally I'd prefer a SO not attend something that has to do with work unless she genuinely wants to. I'll take women to the Marine Corps Ball but I wouldn't expect them to want to come to drill with me. Ugh. To be blunt it would probably be more trouble than it's worth. In general a guy wants you to be happy. If practicing proper room clearing technique is not going to make you happy he's not going to be thrilled to have you there (still using my personal experience).

Most likely the response to your renewed interest in his conference is going to be somewhat along the lines of my own response...confusion. I'd be impressed if he remembers this event in a fraction of the detail you seem to.

Now if you didn't want to see him at all that would probably be bad. Most guys (and I would assume women as well) tend to separate relationships and work in their minds. To him seeing you is one important event and his conference is another one. He probably hasn't even thought about combining them. If he thought you would be interested in it he probably would have asked you if you'd like to go but more likely he's telling you so you know about something that's going to interfere with your time together. And that's all the depth there is to it.

Jacquesne
- November 2nd, 2009, 12:31 pm
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Speaking for myself, as a guy academically involved in a technical field, I have absolutely no expectation that my SO be interested in the details of my work. Sure I'd want to explain broadly what it is that I do, but I'd be rather surprised if they found one of the technical talks in my field interesting, and it probably would never even occur to me to ask her to attend one, much less be disappointed if she didn't.

The only possible exception I could see would be if it was more of a general audience directed public lecture format where the details were really watered down to explain some aspect of the work to a non-technical audience. Even then, however, I would never see her interest in the topic as anything like a must-have...I'm more concerned about how compatible we are during the time that we're actually together, not over something that's only relevant when I'm away at work.
- November 2nd, 2009, 02:11 pm
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