Why is it easy for girls to be friends after one date?


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FLsportsguy0503 is offline FLsportsguy0503 Post #1  October 29,2009, 9:17am
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I have been dating a few girls and I notice if we do not work out after one date the girl says we can be great friends or lets be friends. After some reflection lately I have begun thinking why should I be a friend with a girl and call her a "friend" after one date. In the past I accepted and I have noticed the girls who say this fail to acknowledge me in communication whether by phone or email, while I do try to call and set up maybe a lunch or park meet up with them. Sometimes they call back maybe weeks or days later saying their busy. Aren't we all? One girl who says I'm her friend I have not seen in 2 years yet we live 30 miles apart! I have tried and made time in my schedule, I work 80+ hours. I try to make it happen. My point is for me at least all the friends in my past that I work hard to make and keep through ups and downs mean so much to me, my friends deserve better then for me to just accept a girl's request as a friend. I just feel it cheapens and belittles the friends I do have. To me when a girl says I want to be friends, for me it means I still need to be who I am, not let up by not calling or being there and still invite her out. I have no problem with a girl telling me we are not a match and move on but if you offer a friendship but don't have good intentions for it that to me seems not right. It just seems an easy way out.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #2  October 29,2009, 9:53am
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It's a way of ending things on a positive note. Guys do this too, by the way. Really, you know you will never see each other again but it's one way of dealing with an uncomfortable situation. There is only one person amongst my friends with whom I had a year long relastionship. We didn't work out as a couple but he has become one of my dearest friends. Guys who I have been on one or two dates with I have never seen again in spite of the "let's be friends" line.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  October 29,2009, 10:03am
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Go back and read your post. They aren't wanting to be friends they are just being polite.

(I thought this was going to be about something else )
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #4  October 29,2009, 10:34am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :

(I thought this was going to be about something else )
It's OK Gr8Guyn2008, you can still be friends...
 
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FLsportsguy0503 is offline FLsportsguy0503 Post #5  October 29,2009, 11:58am
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?? So by telling someone something you don't mean that is polite? So in the future if a girl does have good intentions of being a friend how will I know?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  October 29,2009, 12:02pm

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FLsportsguy0503 wrote :
?? So by telling someone something you don't mean that is polite?
it's not the ideal thing, but i guess it's better than telling you you are a creep and they never want to talk to you again.

wrote :
So in the future if a girl does have good intentions of being a friend how will I know?
she will call you back.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #7  October 29,2009, 12:07pm
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Some women will use the term "friends" as a way to get things from you without having to commit, or keep you "on the hook". You can almost see the term "friends with benefits", but the benefits isn't what you think they are.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  October 29,2009, 12:43pm
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Sigh...."let's just be friends" line when used in the dating context has long been accepted in our society as a polite brush off that is not meant to be taken literaly. What it means is that she thinks you are a good guy (i.e. not a creep), however she has no interest in you whatsoever in any way shape or form and you should move on and not contact her again.

On the extreme rare occassion that she actually is interested in being "just friends" (may happen once in a blue moon, every thousand years or so), she will make a point of contacting you in the future.
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #9  October 29,2009, 12:50pm
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FLsportsguy0503 wrote :
I have been dating a few girls and I notice if we do not work out after one date the girl says we can be great friends or lets be friends. [...] In the past I accepted and I have noticed the girls who say this fail to acknowledge me in communication whether by phone or email, while I do try to call and set up maybe a lunch or park meet up with them. [...]
My response to this is always, "well, call me if you want to do something". I'd never call/contact them.

And occasionally, they actually do call me. And I have made a couple of friends via online sites.

Anyhow, if someone is going to bail on me after a first date, I'm not going to waste any more of my time on them without initiative on their part.
 
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grneydldy is offline grneydldy Post #10  October 29,2009, 2:30pm
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I guess I am one of the rare people who actually want to be friends and will put in the effort it takes. However, I am single, so I have more available time for these friendships than, perhaps, those who are in relationships do. I dated a guy (about 5 dates), but the chemistry just wasn't there. We continue to be friends and commiserate about our dating 'misadventures.'
 
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