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peg099 peg099 is offline
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FLsportsguy0503 wrote :
?? So by telling someone something you don't mean that is polite?
No, it's not really polite. But many people have the mind-set that telling someone something that's not true in order to avoid possibly hurting their feelings is the 'nice' thing to do. It's actually cowardly because it allows them to avoid a situation that they think might be uncomfortable to them.
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So in the future if a girl does have good intentions of being a friend how will I know?
I think it's best to take a 'wait and see' approach. And to some extent trust your own gut. Some people are sincere when they make an offer of friendship, while others are not. Over time I've become better at sensing who is just saying it for the sake of saying it, and who is being sincere. Ultimately, time will reveal the answer. Keep in mind though that people also have different deifinitions of friendship. Some people use the term loosely - and simply mean that there are no hard feelings on their part and if they should happen to bump into you they wouldn't mind chatting a bit.

Also, bear in mind that just because they say 'let's be friends' doesn't mean you have to take them up on their offer. Friendship is a two-way street, and you get a say in the matter too. I have a friendship that has stemmed from a dating site. We went out a few times, and although there wasn't enough of a romantic spark, we both enjoy each other's company and we have very good conversations. When he said he really wanted me as a friend, I evaluated whether I thought he was being sincere, and whether I thought that this friendship would be mutually beneficial. And even after I decided the friendship was a good idea, I kept my eyes open to make sure that his actions matched his words, and to make sure that the friendship wasn't lopsided.
- October 29th, 2009, 06:48 pm
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Wonderwoman402 Wonderwoman402 is offline
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I no longer say "let's be friends" when ending a relationship, and if a guy says it I ignore it. In most cases it simply means "let's be friendly acquaintances," which means if we happen to run into each other at the grocery store or somewhere we can say "hi" and exchange pleasantries, but it doesn't mean we're going to keep calling each other and go out all the time any more.

Most people, seriously, are not going to be actual friends with people they used to go out with. I can't see myself ever calling up a bunch of guy "friends" that I went out with once or twice and getting the gang together to hang out, go the movies, etc. Just not going to happen.
- October 29th, 2009, 11:00 pm
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When a woman says she is not attracted to me but wants to be friends after one date, I usually run.

Friendship is developed naturally without anyone announcing it. When some strange woman I never met gives me the "lets be friends" line, big red flag.
- October 30th, 2009, 12:47 am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I no longer say "let's be friends" when ending a relationship, and if a guy says it I ignore it. In most cases it simply means "let's be friendly acquaintances," which means if we happen to run into each other at the grocery store or somewhere we can say "hi" and exchange pleasantries, but it doesn't mean we're going to keep calling each other and go out all the time any more.

Most people, seriously, are not going to be actual friends with people they used to go out with. I can't see myself ever calling up a bunch of guy "friends" that I went out with once or twice and getting the gang together to hang out, go the movies, etc. Just not going to happen.
If the woman would just be honest with me about what she really wants or doesn't want with me, I am fine. For example, I had one first date earlier this year who said "I anot sexually attracted to you at all, but I am really interested in online games and want to learn more about them. Maybe you can help me get started". I really appreciated her honesty and felt very comfortable around her. i helped her get set up with online gaming and we never talked again. But she was up front and honest with what she wanted with me, and I fully respected her for that. I wish there were more honest, up front women like this in the world who communicated well.

It's the women who slap the "lets be friends" label on me suddenly after one date, when we seemed to be hitting it off that bothers me and makes me run.
Last edited by bwr; October 30th, 2009 at 12:58 am.
- October 30th, 2009, 12:56 am
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I say let's be friends only when I actually WANT to be friends with the guy. Sometimes we have a lot in common and I enjoy his company but for whatever reason there isn't any romantic chemistry. With online dating, I have usually swapped enough emails and phone calls to know if I want to be friends with someone even after just the first meeting. If I don't want to be friends with someone, I simply tell him I'm sorry but I don't feel any chemistry and I wish him well in his search. I like having lots of friends who have different interests. I think friendships ebb and flow, too, so I see some friends quite a bit for a while and then maybe the friendship fades or goes on hiatus for a while. Sometimes it comes back, sometimes not. But I do not take this "friendship" thing lightly and I think saying you want to be "just friends" denigrates the whole idea of frienship.
- October 30th, 2009, 07:42 pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I no longer say "let's be friends" when ending a relationship, and if a guy says it I ignore it. In most cases it simply means "let's be friendly acquaintances," which means if we happen to run into each other at the grocery store or somewhere we can say "hi" and exchange pleasantries, but it doesn't mean we're going to keep calling each other and go out all the time any more.

Most people, seriously, are not going to be actual friends with people they used to go out with. I can't see myself ever calling up a bunch of guy "friends" that I went out with once or twice and getting the gang together to hang out, go the movies, etc. Just not going to happen.
I totally agree with this. Let's face it, most people have little time for close friends so you often just mean friendly acquantances. It happens outside of romantic relationships as well. You may something like "yeah, we should go camping some time" and you may even be sincere, but that doesn't mean "call me every night and lets be BFF".

IMHO, any woman that says "let's be friends" and she wants to continue a close friendship is far worse than the one that is just blowing you off. At least that's what I've found.

Usually what they mean is "let's continue with the gifts, you buying me drinks and dinners, but I am not romantically interested in you and you aren't going to get anything out of me".

Why would you want to continue a friendship with someone that you are attracted to but isn't attracted to you? You are only going to get in trouble with this.
- October 30th, 2009, 09:13 pm
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singleman4803 wrote :
I totally agree with this. Let's face it, most people have little time for close friends so you often just mean friendly acquantances. It happens outside of romantic relationships as well. You may something like "yeah, we should go camping some time" and you may even be sincere, but that doesn't mean "call me every night and lets be BFF".

IMHO, any woman that says "let's be friends" and she wants to continue a close friendship is far worse than the one that is just blowing you off. At least that's what I've found.

Usually what they mean is "let's continue with the gifts, you buying me drinks and dinners, but I am not romantically interested in you and you aren't going to get anything out of me".

Why would you want to continue a friendship with someone that you are attracted to but isn't attracted to you? You are only going to get in trouble with this.
I think the younger, less experienced men fall for this trap. Sometimes a woman who isnt attracted to a man but who knows he is "dumb puppy" attracted to her will play him. She might not be getting very many dates or may not be at her best physical form to attract other guys, so she might keep him around on the backburner or just hang out with him for free dinners and good conversation until something better comes along or until she gets her act together.

What is kinda scary is I have noticed all year long my eH matches would all seem really interested in me on the first meeting, but once they got their free dinner, they would suddenly say "I dont think there is enough chemistry, but lets be friends". This would come out of nowhere. The vibes I got they were interested in me, but then I get the "lets be friends" line AFTER I buy them dinner. I have seen this with match after match this year.

Luckily I am old and wise enough to have dropped them right there and not got caught up in their game. And I think these women dropped me too because they realized they couldn't fool me. But when I was younger I think I may have been played by some of these women looking in hindsite.

And I can definitely see where some young guys will fall for this.

The way I see it, if a woman is truely interested in me in some way, I will know it and she will be a little more respectful. People who have a "take it or leave it" attitude usually are not respectful or considerate.
- October 30th, 2009, 09:40 pm
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