If my heart was a compass, you'd be north

All of which at times seems decidedly impossible so I wouldn't take any of the breakups too personally!

But, it has made me more willing to accept some of the things I might not normally 'want' for things I know I need. It's a 'weighted model' some traits are more important than others. I'm willing to put up with some undesirables for positives that I can't find in anyone else.

Lots of trial and error to find out what these things actually ARE.

Please stay that way, as bitterness, cynicism and exhaustion runs rampant around here.


You look young and staggeringly beautiful to me, so that suggests you will attract a LOT of chaff but enough wheat too to make an intelligent informed selection next time.

I wish you well.

These are all thought-provoking questions, I think, or at least they have been to me. I"ve enjoyed reading all the responses.

I do think it takes a certain amount of work to maintain any relationship in a healthy state, even a familial one. Things just tend to deteriorate if you don't care about them and put nothing into them. And I am the person who thinks you should think about what you do from the perspective of how it makes the other person feel ... so I guess I think a good relationship is worth considerable effort to please the other person.

But I think for me, things become too much work at the point where I'd have to change something integral to my personality or give up something I shouldn't really have to give up. I think you have to have room in a relationship not only to be yourself, but to become yourself, if that makes sense. A person is constantly evolving and your partner should be encouraging and supporting you in that. If you are encouraging him, but he's not giving you the same in return ... then it's too much work.

I don't know if that answers the question for you. It may be that it's a spectrum that depends on your personality. That's just my range.

wonder who this maslow person thinks he is anyway. Sounds rather full of himself.

Wow, good thoughts here too... I agree with you about anything worth something being worth some amount of effort... however, it's sometimes also nice when things "just work". I definitely think there is some line in the middle there where either like you said there is a fundamental gap in beliefs/values or even one person doesn't know how to compromise.

It's hardly ever the case that both people are as into each other as the other. That didn't make a lot of sense; what I'm trying to say is relationships don't seem to ever be completely equal. One person usually seems to make more sacrifices/compromises. I place a big emphasis on fairness and so it's hard for me to accept this sometimes. Agh. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now.