Does having sex soon with someone ruin the changes of a potential relationship?


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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #31  October 30,2009, 5:02am
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D_Lion wrote :
I will not say you drew a wrong conclusion – since “poofing” at all is adequate sign of a problem – but it is possible, depending on how a woman reacted, that I would end the effort if she wasn’t interested.


I was definitely interested - just need to get to know him better. I didn't react angrily and in fact he called me later that night and we made plans for the weekend.

If you knew each other for a year, going out a few times is sufficient to have had sex – I would call “a few times” common even with online partners, and normal when drawing partners from acquaintances.

Well we had known each other but we were business collegues (not working at the same company but had to interact together regularly), so we weren't socializing or dating or any of that. So I would not say that we were developing any kind of intimate connection at that time. We kept things 100% professional because that's the way both of us work. Of course like with any ongoing professional relationship you often reveal some personal details about yourself. But that communication never went too far or got extremely personal. Things did not start getting more personal until I left the company I was working for.

I consider sex a necessary component of a relationship, and if I knew a woman a year (especially with some personal detail, as is typical in a classmate or coworker) I would probably already be expecting that she is to become a relationship partner nearly from the first date.

I would agree with that had we been going on "dates." Going out for drinks a few times spread over a few months time with little communication in between is not dating to me. So I didn't even consider the night the incident happened a date - well I guess at the point he kissed my I felt it was a date. So I'll be fair and call that date #1. I'm not having sex with anyone on date #1.

When I knew somebody in person, merely to go out means she is through the screens I would have used on the online matches during the first meetings.

Do then get “wait, I don’t want to have sex” is making me think “what more is there to find out?” I would not have just vanished on her, though.

Again I have to say that going out for drinks a few times is not a relationship to me. So at the time that the incident happened I was not prepared for it. That is not to be confused with I didn't want to have sex with him. It was not the right time for me. Again, I need to date someone and get to know them on a more intimate level before we start having sex.

I'm sure the timing made perfect sense to this man and I know that some people can have and enjoy sex outside of a relationship. It's not for me though. I did let him know that night and during subsequent communication that I was interested - just wanted to get to know him better - and I think that's fair. He didn't squawk or complain. But I guess he wants what he wants and he wants it when he wants it. And I guess that's not a relationship - not with me anyway - he wants a booty call.
 
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mrcharlesb is offline mrcharlesb Post #32  October 30,2009, 5:46am
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Sex does involve emotions and emotions can be complicated. I think it's wise to get to know the person before sex and it's safer. Having sex with someone to soon is not a good idea unless that's all you want is sex. However having an emotional bond with someone makes the sexual experience much deeper and more enjoyable. This is information is coming from a man, hope I don't get shot.
 
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sheenablair is offline sheenablair Post #33  October 30,2009, 8:31am
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I think it's a good idea to wait. However, when dealing with emotions there really isn't 1 fast rule. I had a situation where I had feelings for this man for more than 3 years. We had a professional relationship that involved my children. He made it known to me that he was interested. When I finally asked him out, I had no doubt that we would sleep together that night. We are still seing each other 10 months later...Every situation is different.
 
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YYsmiley is offline YYsmiley Post #34  October 30,2009, 9:05am
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6dle899 wrote :
2. A relationship or marriage must find the parties compatible on ALL levels; and sexual compatibility is not the LEAST important of these.
Hi, could you please tell me what is "sexual compatibility"? I always hear this phrase but never truly understand that. Will someone dumb his/ her partner if they find out it is incompatible (again, how is that incompatible)....

Thanks.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #35  October 30,2009, 9:23am

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YYsmiley wrote :
Hi, could you please tell me what is "sexual compatibility"? I always hear this phrase but never truly understand that. Will someone dumb his/ her partner if they find out it is incompatible (again, how is that incompatible)....

Thanks.
I think they mean preferences. Like some are vanilla some not. I can't speak for anyone but me but I wouldn't dump someone but there would be a discussion. If no middle ground can be found then yes, it is a relationship ender.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #36  October 30,2009, 11:11am
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mrcharlesb wrote :
Sex does involve emotions and emotions can be complicated. I think it's wise to get to know the person before sex and it's safer. Having sex with someone to soon is not a good idea unless that's all you want is sex. However having an emotional bond with someone makes the sexual experience much deeper and more enjoyable. This is information is coming from a man, hope I don't get shot.
I know that for me sex is very emotional. When I was younger, say in my early 20's (many moons ago), I had my share of casual relationships. Well not really my share - but a few anyway. After a few of those experiences I realized that casual sex is just not for me. I like the emotional side of becoming intimate with someone. I like knowing that the person I am with cares about me and I'm not just a physical release for him or any warm body. Casual sex may mechanically feel good but it left me feeling really empty emotionally. Some people can do it - and I'm not mad at them. Sometimes I wish I could be like that but I am just not made that way. I think people should do what feels good to them as long as they're not hurting someone else.

BTW - mrcharlesb - you might want to check you profile - it says that you are female.
 
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Sweetest is offline Sweetest Post #37  October 30,2009, 4:49pm
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To answer the question (yes) in deed it does!
 
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LonelyWidower is offline LonelyWidower Post #38  October 30,2009, 11:42pm
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OK, I'm new to this. It has been forty years that I have dated anyone other that my wife. When we first started dating, my future wife wanted to live together, but I did not want to. We were married one year to day we first met. My wife told me afterward that her girlfriends could not believe we did not have sex until a couple of months before we were married.

My question is this, is sex for some women part of the interview process in finding a partner?

As a widower I feel vulnerable. I have seen Paris so to speak and I do not want to go back to the farm. But my thinking is that, if a gentleman is looking for a lady and vice-versa they should both act like gentlemen and ladies. But, I am not looking for a lady that is celibit.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #39  October 31,2009, 4:55pm
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[quote=LonelyWidower;782849]OK, I'm new to this. It has been forty years that I have dated anyone other that my wife.

I am with you - been 27 years since I dated the person I ended up marrying and divorcing after a long marriage. So all of this is new to me also.

My question is this, is sex for some women part of the interview process in finding a partner?

I think that is a great question. I was having this conversation with one of my girlfriends a few weeks ago. We were talking about sexual compatibility and how important it is that the sex is good or we don't want to get in too far into a relationship. We never really discussed how long to wait but that for us waiting and getting to know the person is essential before sex.

I wouldn't want to wait until marriage either....so I guess I would say it is part of the interview process. I don't even pretend to speak for all women but just like men want to know if they are sexually compatible with the woman they are dating - women want a man who they feel sexually compatible with also. So no, I wouldn't wait "forever" because if we are not sexually compatible I wouldn't want to end up in a long term relationship that I know I wouldn't be happy in ultimately.

In the end I say to each his own. For some people I guess it doesn't matter. For me it does.
 
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jojogirl1964 is offline jojogirl1964 Post #40  October 31,2009, 9:00pm
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If its meant to be it will be,,,,,,,,,no matter if you have had sex with someone within the first 5 minutes of meeting them or have waited 6mths,,,if they are the right person for you, it will just naturally happen.
Dont look at every person that comes into your life as a potential long term partner,,,just enjoy the moment and take it for what it is,,,,the rest will all just happen, either way,,,, EXPERIENCE is the best teacher in life, you dont have to marry someone just because you had sex with them.
 
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