Does having sex soon with someone ruin the changes of a potential relationship?


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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #21  October 27,2009, 9:18pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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beautifulgenius wrote :
jayjay wrote :
I think the difficulty is....the other stage is even more enjoyable.
Ya, but it only lasts half an hour or so

Are you kidding me??
Hey....gumbee was the one who wrote that half hour line.
 
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TiffanyDiamond is offline TiffanyDiamond Post #22  October 27,2009, 9:44pm
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For me waiting is the right thing. For me it's important to get to know the person. I was involved in a situation recently that really brought things home for me in this regard. I really liked this guy. We clicked in every way - or so I thought. We had a lot in common, etc., etc. So we went out for drinks/dinner a few times and he behaved as though he was interested in getting to know me on more than just a friendly level. We had actually known each other for a while before actually going out. The more we talked to the more it seemed like we had in common that could possibly lead to a great relationship.

Well way too soon he made a move on me that I really didn't see coming at that point in time. I will be honest - I was shocked that he went there at that time because it really was like it came out of nowhere based on our past interaction together. In fact this entire episode happened with our first kiss! I let him know that I wasn't ready - wanted to get to know him better. I wasn't angry - I just decided to move on from there and continue to try to get to know him and see where things went. He went poof!

So for me, I don't care what signals someone is sending or how much you think you "click" with someone...you never really know what someone's motives are. Had I had sex with this guy that night and he went poof (which in hindsight I believe he would have), I would have felt like a big fool. Now I am feeling pretty sure that all he really wanted was sex. My feelings wee hurt because before this episode we had a good relationship for over a year. Well at least I didn't have sex with him. I would have felt like a bigger fool.

Anyway that was the last I saw of him. This one is difficult too because even though we had just started going out together I've known this guy for over a year and I liked having him in my life.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #23  October 28,2009, 3:29am
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Lula11 wrote :
Now this is something I feel has endless explaniations.
But if somone is truely interested in another person, does having sex "too soon" ruin the chances of the relationship progressing into something more? It shouldnt matter right, or does it??
Like most of the other posters have already said, the answer is no.

D_Lion wrote :
I do not dismiss a woman for having sex soon - but I also do not keep someone for sex if there are other incompatibilities.

I do find that sex hastens the transition from "dating" into a relationship (I do not have concurrent parters.)
This is spot on.

Why is it that more often than not, women who have hang-ups about having sex 'too soon', have little to bring to a relationship BUT sex?

*dons flameproof suit*
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #24  October 28,2009, 4:09am
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TiffanyDiamond wrote :
So we went out for drinks/dinner a few times and he behaved as though he was interested in getting to know me on more than just a friendly level. We had actually known each other for a while before actually going out.

Well way too soon he made a move on me that I really didn't see coming at that point in time. I will be honest - I was shocked that he went there at that time because it really was like it came out of nowhere based on our past interaction together. In fact this entire episode happened with our first kiss! I let him know that I wasn't ready - wanted to get to know him better. I wasn't angry - I just decided to move on from there and continue to try to get to know him and see where things went. He went poof!

I will not say you drew a wrong conclusion – since “poofing” at all is adequate sign of a problem – but it is possible, depending on how a woman reacted, that I would end the effort if she wasn’t interested.

If you knew each other for a year, going out a few times is sufficient to have had sex – I would call “a few times” common even with online partners, and normal when drawing partners from acquaintances.

I consider sex a necessary component of a relationship, and if I knew a woman a year (especially with some personal detail, as is typical in a classmate or coworker) I would probably already be expecting that she is to become a relationship partner nearly from the first date. When I knew somebody in person, merely to go out means she is through the screens I would have used on the online matches during the first meetings.

Do then get “wait, I don’t want to have sex” is making me think “what more is there to find out?” I would not have just vanished on her, though.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #25  October 28,2009, 5:50am
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makes no difference ... it is the communication about sex that influences relationships
 
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Gumbee is offline Gumbee Post #26  October 28,2009, 8:04am
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Cut me some slack - It's been a while
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #27  October 28,2009, 8:11am
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I think it does.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #28  October 28,2009, 8:21am
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tweet37 wrote :
Why is it that more often than not, women who have hang-ups about having sex 'too soon', have little to bring to a relationship BUT sex?
My last relationship ended several months in large part over this issue.


She was a self proclaimed "born-again virgin" (at 51 years old and with 3 grown adult children!)


Marriage minded to the end, even talked a lot about the diamond ring and its size and cost, and a house she wanted !!


Insisted that sex must wait till marriage --- and I told her two things, to NO AVAIL.


1. This "GIFT" is often of more value to the "GIVER" than to the "GIFTED"


2. A relationship or marriage must find the parties compatible on ALL levels; and sexual compatibility is not the LEAST important of these.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #29  October 28,2009, 8:26am
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jayjay wrote :
Hey....gumbee was the one who wrote that half hour line.
But still !! A half an hour?? Geeesshh...you gotta make it last longer than that...don't rush a good thing...
 
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ennoidyam is offline ennoidyam Post #30  October 28,2009, 8:33am
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Mr_Right wrote :
In a nutshell, yes.

I've had sex in many strange places but never in a nutshell

I don't think we'd fit?

That 1974 Stingray was cramped enough...
 
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