jennyh is offline jennyh Post #1  October 27,2009, 10:37am
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So I have had a booty call situation with this guy for a couple of months. At first it was all fun then I started to have feelings for him. I told him I liked him and his response was "I think you're extremely attractive" so I kind of got the point. I was hurt for a bit but then realized that I am not ready for a relationship myself. I still have a bit of a crush on him but I was pretty much okay with the arrangement we had. I started talking to other guys to help me see that there was more out there and to eventually break off things (but its so hard). Recently he has started to act different. Before it had been strictly about hooking up. Not very intimate I guess. He has told me he doesn't really like to cuddle and he was more about getting off than making me feel good. Lately he kisses me, cuddles me all night, and gets this little look in his eyes. He also has started focusing on me while we hook up. Last time he drove me home he said "bye babe" which he has never done before. In the past its been difficult to have a conversation about what we are because he's a man's man I guess. I'm really getting the feeling that he has feelings for me but its so confusing. I really do like him and would want to have a relationship but I don't know what to do at this point. Any advice? I just wish we could have more but I've heard you can never turn a booty call into a relationship.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  October 27,2009, 10:49am
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jennyh wrote :
Any advice? I just wish we could have more but I've heard you can never turn a booty call into a relationship.
Sez who??
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #3  October 27,2009, 10:57am
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You are wise to see what else is out there at this point. You want a real relationship, he has declined. You are well within your rights to seek what you want.

Perhaps he will change his mind down the line.

But you need to really think about whether this guy can be a good partner for you in life. It's not impossible to love a scorpion. But it is impossible to change its nature.
 
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pds857 is offline pds857 Post #4  October 27,2009, 11:12am
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I've also heard that ya cant turn a booty call into a relationship.
Jus advice from friends to other friends I guess.

Anyway, I'd tell him that you like him an want to see him more as
a relationship type of thing rather than a booty call type of thing.
An see what he says. If he's against it, then move on. If he's willin to
see where it might take ya'll then stick around an see where it might take ya.

I know its easier said than done but heck, ya never know till ya try.
I wouldnt know how my guy felt unless I had that talk. An believe me
it was hard to aproch that subject bout how ya know ya'll are friends,
but that you really like him more than that an yea what do you think/feel? Hard stuff right there when ya have 15yrs of friendship between ya.
But I'm glad I did. Or else I wouldnt be where I am today with him.
An Oh Boy is he the Sweetest Man I've ever had the pleasure of bein round.

Talk to him. Good Luck. Let us know how it goes.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #5  October 27,2009, 11:19am
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jennyh wrote :
I just wish we could have more but I've heard you can never turn a booty call into a relationship.
Not true, I did
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #6  October 27,2009, 12:53pm
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Mokkesofie wrote :
Not true, I did
Intimacy over a period of time can develop affection so I agree with Mokkesofie. I don't think it's true that you can't turn this into a relationship.

The real question to me is whether this guy is any good for you. A lot of what you posted tends to indicate he is selfish and thinks only of himself.

I sugest subtracting the chemistry and your affection from your consideration, because you can have both things with someone else more worthy of it, and trust me, a relationship with the wrong guy is worse than no relationship at all.

Good luck.
Last edited by nightling; October 27,2009 at 12:55pm.
 
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Dugl is offline Dugl Post #7  October 27,2009, 12:55pm
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Personally....I'd hang in there unless money was exchanged.
 
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marguitar is offline marguitar Post #8  October 27,2009, 1:21pm
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I have an amazing friendship with this incredible man in my life who gave me this heart saving advice just last weekend, and it seems very appropriate to the OP.
If you are in a relationship in which each of you currently desire a different outcome, level of intimacy, amount of romance, etc..., if your basic desires within the relationship are glaringly different from one other, you really only have two clear choices.
Either you accept your current relationship exactly as it is today, without hoping or trying to change the nature of it, (or him)
OR
You take the action necessary to kindly and considerately end the relationship if it is not acceptable to you exactly as it is, and move forward to search out a relationship that meets your needs and desires.

Do not wait around planning, dreaming, or scheming of how you might be able to change his mind, his heart, his character, his sex drive, or anything else! Accept it exactly as is, or take an appropriate action.

It seems as though the concept of "control" within a relationship has gotten a really bad rap, but I do believe, in this case, you need to understand that you do have some control over how things progress, or don't, in your relationships, and you are allowed to make decisions independently of anyone else's behavior/reactions.

Please don't "settle" for a relationship based on sexual attraction, affection, chemistry, or any of the other touchy feely things we can let run our emotions. Don't just listen to his words, pay attention to his behavior and actions.
Just my 2c.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #9  October 27,2009, 1:28pm
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I'd sit down and make a list of what a "relationship" means to me. How does it look different than a 'booty call?'

Once you've figured out what a "relationship" means to you, figure out what kind of qualities your partner needs to have to make that kind of relationship a reality.

Then, take a good look at your 'booty call' partner and decide if he has those qualities. If so, then, he's a keeper. If not, revoke his booty call privileges and start looking for a guy who possesses the qualities you're looking for.

Our wants do change sometimes. That's ok. However, things get bad when we find ourselves in a relationship with someone who is not what we want and has no interest in being what we want, but rather than end the relationship, we stay and try to make them what we want or ignore our wants. This situation quickly gets very ugly, hurtful and unsatisfying.
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #10  October 27,2009, 1:31pm
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got her profile back! Thank you tech guy! :-)

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marguitar wrote :
I have an amazing friendship with this incredible man in my life who gave me this heart saving advice just last weekend, and it seems very appropriate to the OP.
If you are in a relationship in which each of you currently desire a different outcome, level of intimacy, amount of romance, etc..., if your basic desires within the relationship are glaringly different from one other, you really only have two clear choices.
Either you accept your current relationship exactly as it is today, without hoping or trying to change the nature of it, (or him)
OR
You take the action necessary to kindly and considerately end the relationship if it is not acceptable to you exactly as it is, and move forward to search out a relationship that meets your needs and desires.

Do not wait around planning, dreaming, or scheming of how you might be able to change his mind, his heart, his character, his sex drive, or anything else! Accept it exactly as is, or take an appropriate action.

It seems as though the concept of "control" within a relationship has gotten a really bad rap, but I do believe, in this case, you need to understand that you do have some control over how things progress, or don't, in your relationships, and you are allowed to make decisions independently of anyone else's behavior/reactions.

Please don't "settle" for a relationship based on sexual attraction, affection, chemistry, or any of the other touchy feely things we can let run our emotions. Don't just listen to his words, pay attention to his behavior and actions.
Just my 2c.
+1,000,000! Exactly!!
 
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