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WYskywatcher WYskywatcher is offline
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More 'physically attractive' is going to draw more attraction from men. Men are physical creatures (and sensitive, kind, thoughtful and considerate too, of course! )

With any significant weight loss, other things besides weight are bound to change too...like your routine, self-discipline (not easy sticking to a diet or workout routine), motivation, energy level, interests, etc.

I wouldn't write these guys off just because they are attracted to you now. Unless, of course, you are not attracted to them anymore.
- October 27th, 2009, 07:56 pm
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Hmmm ... I think I know what you mean.

I get comments on my weight all the time. Primarily because it is an indicator of my health. When I'm feeling good, I weigh more. When I'm not doing well, I weigh less. In the past three years, I've been do you have an eating disorder? thin and wow, I have a muffin big.

Different men respond to different weights. But seriously, who cares if my mechanic likes me fluffy or my dentist likes me thin?

What matters is that when I feel good -- as if by magic -- men respond. I think it's the swagger.

To the OP: You now have the choice. That should feel good. So, what do you think about men who are conditionally attracted to you?

*CO swaggers into kitchen for some tea*
- October 27th, 2009, 08:36 pm
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I would have to agree with the last two posters. How you feel really does make a difference in how you look. If you are feeling better about yourself that could be what they are reacting to.
- October 27th, 2009, 08:45 pm
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CeJay CeJay is offline
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I've had the same experience... Was a much much bigger person and attracted to someone who was fit and very appealing. Flirting with her met with disaster. Fast forward to now and I'm a vastly different person in body, mind, habits, etc, etc. Now she's attracted to me. Do I exclude, punish. or shun? Nope. I'm different in more ways than just physical... in essence I've changed.

As quirky and perticular as I am about what I find appealing, how can I be judgemental about what someone else finds attractive? And if the changed me is now appealing to her, what's wrong with that?
- October 27th, 2009, 08:47 pm
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EMTZ EMTZ is offline
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The way I see it: I really can't control who I am physically attracted to, so it would be hypocritical of me to be upset with anyone for not being physically attracted to me.
- October 27th, 2009, 09:01 pm
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CeJay wrote :
I've had the same experience... Was a much much bigger person and attracted to someone who was fit and very appealing. Flirting with her met with disaster. Fast forward to now and I'm a vastly different person in body, mind, habits, etc, etc. Now she's attracted to me. Do I exclude, punish. or shun? Nope. I'm different in more ways than just physical... in essence I've changed.

As quirky and perticular as I am about what I find appealing, how can I be judgemental about what someone else finds attractive? And if the changed me is now appealing to her, what's wrong with that?
I think the real issue here reenz is....are you the same girl? Try reconnecting with these people but you may find that you have changed and maybe they just don't do it for you anymore....or maybe they do and you will have some really great experiences. Personally, I'm not one for revisiting the past....I like to focus on the present and future I figure...new body, new clothes and new people to gel with my new life.
- October 27th, 2009, 09:40 pm
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reenz wrote :
Let's say you are obese and express interest in a friend who you have a great connection with (and think would be perfect as a life partner). Despite your fantastic connection, that person doesn't feel the same, simply because he isn't attracted to obesity (as he is very fit)... although he thought your younger slimmer pictures were quite attractive. You take your wounded heart and move on, feeling crushed that someone you considered your equal sees you as 'inferior' in some way. Years later, after you work on yourself and start losing the weight, the person who rejected you starts to show you greater interest. How would you feel? Resentful? Flattered? Would it be understandable to think that someone who didn't want you when you struggled with your weight doesn't deserve to be with you when you are thin?

Just wondering what people think. Although I still have a good deal of weight to lose, I have seen men from my past contacting me after seeing slimmer pictures of me, and I wonder what to make of it. It's flattering, but somewhat saddening at the same time.
I agree. It's very sad, and it makes you wonder about someone's character. But yet, we all seem to base our opinions on what people look like, without really getting to know them that well first.
- October 27th, 2009, 09:46 pm
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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Nanette wrote :
I'd think the guy was a friggin idiot.

What if something happened and you gained some of the weight back? Would he dump you if you were in a relationship together?
Someone is not an idiot because they are not attracted to another person. People to do not consciously put effort into NOT being attracted to others.

I was not attracted to my ex-husband for about a year before I met him. His hair was long and scruffy, then one day he got it cut and I saw him in a different way. Our relationship grew and I certainly didn't consider dumping him whenever he was in need of a haircut.

What a person looks like is almost all there is for initial attraction, but it is only a part of the attraction once there is a growing relationship. A positive change can make someone look at another in a way they haven't before, but doesn't mean that person will be instantly discard later if that change in appearance isn't permanent--unless there really wasn't anything more to be attracted to than looks.
- October 27th, 2009, 09:58 pm
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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beautifulgenius wrote :
I agree. It's very sad, and it makes you wonder about someone's character. But yet, we all seem to base our opinions on what people look like, without really getting to know them that well first.
I don't understand why this makes you wonder about someone's character. You are wondering because they weren't attracted initially, or because they did become attracted.

If someone isn't attracted to me, I don't assume they have some huge character flaw. I certainly have never been able to control whom I am attracted to, and I don't have that expectation of others. It's unrealistic.
- October 27th, 2009, 10:01 pm
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MelinCali wrote :
If someone isn't attracted to me, I don't assume they have some huge character flaw. I certainly have never been able to control whom I am attracted to, and I don't have that expectation of others. It's unrealistic.
+1

The better shape you are in, the higher number of people who will be attracted to you.

You only discover true character flaws once you have gotten past the initial attraction stage.
- October 28th, 2009, 08:49 am
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