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Mokkesofie Mokkesofie is online now
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bwr wrote :
So please dont assume all obese people dont take care of their health.
I realise there's always an exception to the rule.
- October 27th, 2009, 04:37 pm
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bwr wrote :
I eat healthier than most people, including fit people. Its just that the weight isnt going to come off overnight, and I am more concerned about lifetime health than some fad diet.
Slow but steady my friend....slow but steady.
- October 27th, 2009, 04:38 pm
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bwr wrote :
So please dont assume all obese people dont take care of their health. I eat healthier than most people, including fit people. Its just that the weight isnt going to come off overnight, and I am more concerned about lifetime health than some fad diet.
Perfunctory 'health' claims for not liking someone because of the shape they are in seem to be a justification for not feeling 'chemistry' with overweight/obese people.

If someone isn't attracted to someone else because of the shape they are in that's their perogative. Rationalizing it as concerns about the other person's health is an attempt to justify your choice and not feel that you are being shallow in your reasoning for your preferred body type.

Making a choice based on someone's appearance is fine, just don't whine about it when other people do the same.
- October 27th, 2009, 04:50 pm
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The situation isn't much different from celebrities who were punchlines in high school and are now swamped with interested prospects, or the guy who suddenly comes into money and suddenly has interest from attractive women.

Physical attraction is important to many men and women. It can keep a potential relationship from going forward, and fairly so in my opinion. I wouldn't hold it against him, but I understand where the OP is coming from.
- October 27th, 2009, 05:19 pm
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reenz wrote :
Let's say you are obese and express interest in a friend who you have a great connection with (and think would be perfect as a life partner). Despite your fantastic connection, that person doesn't feel the same, simply because he isn't attracted to obesity (as he is very fit)... although he thought your younger slimmer pictures were quite attractive. You take your wounded heart and move on, feeling crushed that someone you considered your equal sees you as 'inferior' in some way. Years later, after you work on yourself and start losing the weight, the person who rejected you starts to show you greater interest. How would you feel? Resentful? Flattered? Would it be understandable to think that someone who didn't want you when you struggled with your weight doesn't deserve to be with you when you are thin?

Just wondering what people think. Although I still have a good deal of weight to lose, I have seen men from my past contacting me after seeing slimmer pictures of me, and I wonder what to make of it. It's flattering, but somewhat saddening at the same time.
How are *you* feeling about your weight loss? Are you feeling more confident about yourself? More positive about life? Healthier? These guys may be reacting to the changes in your physical appearance, but they may also be picking up on a change in your mental outlook.

I don't necessarily think that you should write these guys off...but listen to them carefully as you're getting to know them. Does it seem to be all about the new body? Or is about a change in attitude? A bit of both?

If it's all about your body...then yeah, that's sad. If you weren't good enough before, and the only thing that's changed in their eyes is your body, and now it's okay...NEXT!
- October 27th, 2009, 05:33 pm
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reenz wrote :
Let's say you are obese and express interest in a friend who you have a great connection with (and think would be perfect as a life partner). Despite your fantastic connection, that person doesn't feel the same, simply because he isn't attracted to obesity (as he is very fit)... although he thought your younger slimmer pictures were quite attractive. You take your wounded heart and move on, feeling crushed that someone you considered your equal sees you as 'inferior' in some way. Years later, after you work on yourself and start losing the weight, the person who rejected you starts to show you greater interest. How would you feel? Resentful? Flattered? Would it be understandable to think that someone who didn't want you when you struggled with your weight doesn't deserve to be with you when you are thin?

Just wondering what people think. Although I still have a good deal of weight to lose, I have seen men from my past contacting me after seeing slimmer pictures of me, and I wonder what to make of it. It's flattering, but somewhat saddening at the same time.
I'd think the guy was a friggin idiot.

What if something happened and you gained some of the weight back? Would he dump you if you were in a relationship together?
- October 27th, 2009, 05:44 pm
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Faira wrote :
If it's all about your body...then yeah, that's sad. If you weren't good enough before, and the only thing that's changed in their eyes is your body, and now it's okay...NEXT!
Do you think women should intentionally gain weight so they know that the men who are interested in them aren't all about their body?
- October 27th, 2009, 06:04 pm
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Faira Faira is offline
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jayjay wrote :
Do you think women should intentionally gain weight so they know that the men who are interested in them aren't all about their body?
That seems like a test. I wouldn't, personally. But if I did gain weight and he left because of it...how much did he value me, really?

Like Nanette said, what's to say that he won't leave if she gains the weight back? She has a chance to explore just what it is that brought these men back to her...if it's solely that she's lost weight, I wonder what the chances for the relationship are anyway.
- October 27th, 2009, 06:17 pm
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Faira wrote :
That seems like a test. I wouldn't, personally. But if I did gain weight and he left because of it...how much did he value me, really?

Like Nanette said, what's to say that he won't leave if she gains the weight back? She has a chance to explore just what it is that brought these men back to her...if it's solely that she's lost weight, I wonder what the chances for the relationship are anyway.
Yes....I'd say that's definitely a risk in her case, especially since so many people gain weight back again after having lost it. You say she 'has a chance to explore just what it is that brought these men back to her', but the thing is she can't really know....unless she puts the weight back on. Maybe weight gain should be a new dating strategy.

Though....the funny thing is many women intentionally have the opposite strategy, that is losing weight to attract more men. Apparently those women aren't concerned with men only liking them for the way they look after having lost the weight.
- October 27th, 2009, 06:22 pm
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reenz wrote :
Let's say you are obese and express interest in a friend who you have a great connection with (and think would be perfect as a life partner). Despite your fantastic connection, that person doesn't feel the same, simply because he isn't attracted to obesity (as he is very fit)... although he thought your younger slimmer pictures were quite attractive. You take your wounded heart and move on, feeling crushed that someone you considered your equal sees you as 'inferior' in some way. Years later, after you work on yourself and start losing the weight, the person who rejected you starts to show you greater interest. How would you feel? Resentful? Flattered? Would it be understandable to think that someone who didn't want you when you struggled with your weight doesn't deserve to be with you when you are thin?

Just wondering what people think. Although I still have a good deal of weight to lose, I have seen men from my past contacting me after seeing slimmer pictures of me, and I wonder what to make of it. It's flattering, but somewhat saddening at the same time.
Sorry..but that is a 'red flag' alert...

You should never give shallow people a second chance. If he didn't like you when you were overweight, why give him a chance now?

I mean, what if you gain the weight back? Will he still be interested? Somehow I don't think so.

But my 'evil twin' says go on a date with him..make him sweat wondering what YOU think of him, then call him a few days later and say, "Hmmmmm...sorry, but I'm just not that into YOU!"

HaHa...karma can be a real you-know-what!
- October 27th, 2009, 06:26 pm
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