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LizziePooh LizziePooh is offline
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cardguy wrote :
Yep, that happened to me on my very first eHarmony date (actually two dates over a weekend since we were a few hours away from each other). It was a little bewildering to me as I'm a pretty rational person, and I couldn't come up with any concrete reason not to like her. Even it terms of looks there was nothing "objectively" unattractive about her. Bottom line: it's that elusive thing known as chemistry.
I agree with Cardguy that it is that elusive thing known as chemistry. I had the same thing with one of matches. We went on five dates total and it was the same thing - great guy and all...I just was not excited.

I learned from that to ask myself the following question to decide if I did really like him or not...

If I never spoke/saw this guy again would I be bummed. If your answer is no, then you might want to think of cutting this guy lose. At least that is what worked for me.

Good luck - it is a bummer when they are all that but...
- October 26th, 2009, 08:39 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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I agree with what some others have said about the 'chemistry' thing.....maybe your just aren't attracted to this person's personality. Though, personally I've never not been attracted to someone who I thought I should be attracted to. I suppose about the closest thing for me has been a few very attractive women who seem to expect all men to fawn all over them...that's an instant turnoff for me.
Last edited by jayjay; October 26th, 2009 at 08:56 pm.
- October 26th, 2009, 08:53 pm
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Psycue Psycue is offline
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I understand what you are going through. I believe it has a lot to do with chemistry like some of the other posts. eHarmony has a question that ask something about feeling chemistry instantly, in a couple of dates or it develop over time. Maybe you prefer to have instant chemistry to know want to pursue a relationship.
- October 26th, 2009, 09:34 pm
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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I have met loads of men in my life that meet all kinds of "requirements" and I should like but I have never been attracted to them. I think part of the whole chemistry deal is a spark that comes from his personality, as well as his physical appearance being appealing to me.

If I had ever gone out with someone for 8 dates and felt no spark from spending time with him, I would not imagine that anything will ever spark up. I would think that 8 dates is sufficient time to connect through seeing each other's humor, intellect, thoughtfulness.....whatever it is that feeds your interest in and desire of a mate.

I'm not a believer in chemistry building gradually once you get to know someone if you have already spent a pretty decent amount of time with them to get a feeling for who they are. I need a flutter in my stomach long before 8 dates/2 months to continue!
- October 26th, 2009, 10:01 pm
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lacedwithhope lacedwithhope is offline
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I've had this happen a few times, and it's left me wondering the same things the OP is wondering: he's cute, nice, smart, funny, successful ... blah blah blah. Not to belittle those great qualities, as that is quite an accomplishment, right?

But if you are not drawn to him in the way you expect, or if you feel that something is missing, then I think it's unwise to continue dating. You ought to know after a few months whether you really "click" or not.

I had the reverse situation recently (I believe), and it was quite confusing actually. He said he liked me, and enjoyed being with me. But he acted as if his heart wasn't in it. I realized that it was unhealthy to be with someone who was so "whatever" about our relationship.*

Lacking a good reason not to date someone, is a weak basis for continuing a relationship, IMHO. Hold out for someone who makes your heart race. At least a little.
Last edited by lacedwithhope; October 26th, 2009 at 10:46 pm. Reason: *I really liked LizziePooh's 'litmus test' for relationship motivation...
- October 26th, 2009, 10:02 pm
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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lacedwithhope wrote :

But if you are not drawn to him in the way you expect, or if you feel that something is missing, then I think it's unwise to continue dating. You ought to know after a few months whether you really "click" or not.

I had the reverse situation recently (I believe), and it was quite confusing actually. He said he liked me, and enjoyed being with me. But he acted as if his heart wasn't in it. I realized that it was unhealthy to be with someone who was so "whatever" about our relationship.

Lacking a good reason not to date someone, is a weak basis for continuing a relationship, IMHO. Hold out for someone who makes your heart race. At least a little.
Great post laced! Yes, from his side, he would want to OP to feel more for him too I'm sure.
- October 26th, 2009, 10:10 pm
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lacedwithhope wrote :
Lacking a good reason not to date someone, is a weak basis for continuing a relationship, IMHO. Hold out for someone who makes your heart race. At least a little.
Come on....we can't all be David Hasselhoff you know.
- October 26th, 2009, 10:14 pm
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MelinCali MelinCali is offline
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jayjay wrote :
Come on....we can't all be David Hasselhoff you know.
David Hasselhoff might make your heart race, but not mine!
- October 26th, 2009, 10:34 pm
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Sucia1969 Sucia1969 is offline
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jayjay wrote :
Come on....we can't all be David Hasselhoff you know.
oh please!! That is not desireable to all women!
- October 26th, 2009, 10:35 pm
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Sucia1969 wrote :
oh please!! That is not desireable to all women!
Ok....Billy Bob Thornton then.
- October 26th, 2009, 10:40 pm
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