Am I too much? Am I asking for too much?


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cat_pat_1972 is offline cat_pat_1972 Post #1  May 11,2008, 11:46am
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Yes, friends, eH found me a soulmate. I bow to the 29 points

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I'm starting to wonder if I'm "too" much -- or asking for too much? I'm well educated (private schools, college), a professional (employed in my field since 1985), strong (moved 4 yards of sand yesterday), active (exercise at least 2x a week). I cook, I clean :admits sheepishly, only when I have to: I drive a stick shift, arrange flowers, sew, paint, work on remodeling projects, and write. I also own my own home, have a daughter who's 14, read, think play, laugh, listen, learn constantly, have many friends...My eH photos show me full figure, laughing (close up), and seated, facing the camera.I'm 5'10," curvy (38-30-40), and in perfect health. My eH profile begins, "Make me laugh" and I make it quite clear that I'm not looking for marriage, but for friendship with growth potential.I'm earthy, passionate and opinionated, but I'm also gentle and yielding, and quite happy to have a mandrive the car,open doors, and let me enter first. If I found the love of my life, it would be a supreme bonus but a few close male friends would be fine, too.Am I asking too much?
 
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chunkymonkeylvr is offline chunkymonkeylvr Post #2  May 11,2008, 12:23pm
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Is tired of all the frogs

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No, but with a tall order like that patience is needed to weed through the men who are not worthy
 
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cat_pat_1972 is offline cat_pat_1972 Post #3  May 11,2008, 12:33pm
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Yes, friends, eH found me a soulmate. I bow to the 29 points

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chunkymonkeylvr,107116 wrote :
No, but with a tall order like that patience is needed to weed through the men who are not worthy
CMLvr, your reply points out the source of my problem. I truly don't know if the "tall order" is me? Or is the "tall order" what I'm asking for, a man to make me laugh, to be a friend first, then maybe more?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #4  May 11,2008, 12:43pm

has only threatened to give up

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Sounds good to me.....but I think you sould like a lot of women (me included) I think there is a shortage of men out there (in reality, if you live in certain places) who are available and have as much to offer as you do.

I'd consider moving west if you are on the east coast or just taking a look at where you live and the ratio of men to women in your age bracket, that are also single. I bet it would all add up.....its not you.....its probably your location....just a guess!
 
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Ezekiel is offline Ezekiel Post #5  May 11,2008, 1:32pm
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Generally, any kind of 'make me laugh' or 'entertain me' like comments in ladies profiles turn me off. What am I ... your court jester? Go rent a movie... or read a book. Also, anyone that indicated that she was just looking for some new friends would also get closed without delay. That's not why I came to eH. There are much better and FREE social networks for those kinds of relationships. (Just being candid. No offense intended.)
 
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web is offline web Post #6  May 11,2008, 1:39pm
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I think it's a signal to noise ratio issue. Regardless of your location there's just SO MANY .... less than qualified individuals that it's hard to filter them all out. (I watch "Idiocracy" and am not sure whether to laugh or cry). Unfortunately one needs to filter to keep from going insane, but that involves making decisions based on first impressions which are sometimes faulty, so it's really hard to avoid the losers without accidentally ignoring the winners as well.

Wish I had the answer for you, but if I did I wouldn't be here. All I can say is that it's no better for the intelligent man looking for a woman with a brain than for the other way around.
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #7  May 11,2008, 2:02pm
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Dear Cat_Pat_1972,

You have a lot going for you along with nice photos posted! You own your own home, are a professional with a stable career, have many talents and abilitites, and you like to cook - who doesn't like someone who likes to cook?

Now you mention, "My eH profile begins,'Make me laugh,'. . . "so I'm taking that to mean that on your "About Me" page under the very first category of:

Theone thing Cat_Pat_1972is most passionate about:[*]Make me laugh[/list]
you have it like that. Is that correct? I'm wondering about that as it mght be seen as a challenge by men! One doesn't know for sure but perhaps a man might be thinking, "Gosh, do Ialways have to be funny with her?" or "does she think I'm responsible for her happiness?" It's hard to tell really how that might come across.

Have you considered going with something else as the first thing a match sees there? Maybe something like, "I love humor and like to laugh everyday!" That way, it's not putting the responsibillity on the other person.

In addition, by putting in your profile that you're not looking for marriage, you perhaps do yourself a disservice as eHarmony is all about, "Finding the love of your life." To the vast majority of people, that would mean finding their love and marrying the person. For marriage-minded men, that would be off-putting so you might want to consider taking that out.

At the very bottom of your page in this section:

Some additional informationCat_Pat_1972 wanted you to know is:

you might want to consider putting something like:[*]Let's get to know each other as friends first and see what develops.[/list]
Something along those lines leaves it open for possibilities instead of closing it off, plus you're not mentioning the "marriage" word.

I think you should leave off the part about, "If I found the love of my life, it would be a supreme bonus but a few close male friends would be fine, too." On several fronts, a man might think you're willling to settle, that you might put him into the dreaded friendship category instead of a romantic, love interest,and that perhaps you're really not expecting to find the love of your life which lacks hope. It is hard to know how various men would interpret your thought there, but it seems perhaps not in your best interest to put this.

You don't say, but do you put the part about being earthy, passionate, and opinionated in this section below?"

The first thing you'll probably notice aboutCat_Pat_1972 when you meet her:[*]Am gentle andyielding;full of passionand earthy with a great sense of humor! [/list]
You may want to leave out "opinionated." Even though you are opinionated, that's something a match will learn as he gets to know you. If he reads it here, he might think that you're "argumentative," which is different from being opinionated, but in some people, that word can be mis-read and raise alarm bells.

Also, it might be fun for a match getting to know you if you'd expound a bit about your cooking on your "About Me" page. Perhaps in one of the categories you might write something like:

"I make a mean steak," or whatever it is that you like to cook or perhaps, "My speciality is Italian cooking." Men do like a woman's cooking plus some men also like to cook! That might be something you all would have in common!

These are but a few thoughts for you to consider as you seek the love of your life.

JavaJava5
 
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luvablefrog is offline luvablefrog Post #8  May 11,2008, 2:49pm
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I too wonder if I'm either A-trying to hard

B-being too picky

or C-'miscommunicating."

JavaJava, you seem to have a level-headed opinion and are good with the "profile make-over" thing. Care to take a shot at mine? I can PM you the info-I guess I'm coming across wrongly too...Let me know what you think.
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #9  May 11,2008, 2:56pm
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Dear LuvableFrog,

Sure, though I am not an expert!!! I've simply had a lot of experience with my matches and seeing what works and what doesn't. If you think I can help I'd be happy to take a look, but keep in mind these are my thoughts from my experiences and othersmight differ widely!

JavaJava5
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #10  May 11,2008, 3:00pm
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P. S. By the way, there was a thread somewhere about profiles. Did you read that one?
 
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