I've only gone and cancelled my membership ~ what now?


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MansPOV is offline MansPOV Post #31  October 26,2009, 4:16pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
Maybe in a couple of years time eHarmony would be a better bet in the UK (though hopefully I won't need it by then) but over a 3 month period I wasn't getting anywhere near as many matches as you guys.

Also because its new over here I think a bigger proportion of my matches were just checking it out and were not actually paid up members. Almost half had no photo and did not respond to my request for a photo.
Trixie, that's a great point. I hadn't really thought about the geographic part of it. I'm in California where online dating is the norm and eHarmony has been popular here for many years.
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #32  October 26,2009, 6:08pm
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The biggest reason I think, is that most older men want to go 10-15 years younger. Not a little bit younger, they want to go a lot younger....and thus there are less men in an older age group.


Benevolence32 wrote :
There's more single men in general I believe until you get up into the older age brackets when men start croaking. The Census Bureau tracks all that stuff, something like 35 pct of men have never married as opposed to 28 pct of women.
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #33  October 26,2009, 6:18pm
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Trixie...I am a bit older than you and was dating at 41. I read some books on dating and being "older" even if we aren't so much. One of them was Rachel Greewald's books. I found her advice very very practical for over 35 women. You probably won't like all her ideas...but her thoughts can make or break the situation.

Keep reminding yourself that 40+ women find mates all the time. In fact, 1 out of 5 marriages are in that group of women.
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #34  October 26,2009, 9:05pm
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nightling wrote :
And here is a map showing regional variations in the US which is also kind of interesting and just goes to show where you live has an impact on your chances o meeting someone as well.

A singles map of the United States of America - The Boston Globe
The Singles Map of America is interesting, but you need to be wary of sheer numbers. The worse case locations merely indicate a differentiation of about 5%. Ie, for every 20 single men or women at a party there are 21 of opposite gender. Presents a musical chairs issue, but theoretically over 90% of those at the party could pair. Not too formable a problem.

However, I suspect the actual issue is in the respective attitudes not the demographics. I'd imagine that the single men are more likely to be content with their status, and the women tend to harbour aspiration of children and family. Or the men are seeking sex, the women comfort. The different aspirations aren't matching up, not the numbers.

I suppose I might have been an a little hard on Miss Trixie. But also feel she has irrational aspirations. If she wanted a husband and family she just left the running too late.

If she been married before, she should realised that historically marriages lasted a score of years due to work place accidents, decease and death child birth.

I suspect that Miss Trixie doesn't want any old relationship, but a good relationship. Why shoukd anyone settle for less.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #35  October 26,2009, 11:53pm

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trixie1868 wrote :
I have only gone and done it.

Months of thinking the site was useless, today I cancelled my eHarmony subscription. As of the 5th November inadequate matching will not be a problem of mine.

What now? Any suggestions? How am I going to get a man? Will I be crawling back with my tail between my legs to have another go or is there another way?
Good bye Trixie, I for one will miss your demented funny side and don't let the door hit you in the rear end on the way out. Stay in touch.

Harvey7.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #36  October 27,2009, 10:16am
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jayjay wrote :
I think the number of men who are married and not looking for a relationship is a wash....as this is the same number of women who are married and not looking for a relationship.
woops silly me, did I say married? That should have been unmarried or rather, never married.
Last edited by nightling; October 27,2009 at 10:19am.
 
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justme27 is offline justme27 Post #37  October 27,2009, 12:06pm
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trixie1868 wrote :
I am a primary school teacher which sets me in a female / gay guy world.
You said it, I heard it and you said it! That is a freakin' hilarious outlook on education in the primary school level--you're either a chick or gay. Sounds a lot like theater in the states.

Well Trixie, you have given me plenty of good advice on here so let me offer you some advice. I tried e-harmony and got to open communication and meetings with several matches but none of them clicked for me. Until finally I met a girl who was on e-harmony for two years! Two freagin' years! I was only on it for maybe three months. It all clicked in one of our conversation--no we didn't click--but eharmony did. She said something to the extent of, "Eharmony only matches you kind of sort of but not perfectly. The reason that is, is because if they matched you perfectly then you would find a partner immediately and get off the site. So in a way by matching you imperfectly it keeps you motivated to keep searching but strings you along because you'll never find them." I hope this helps.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #38  October 27,2009, 12:30pm
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What now? Try another site? Move to a new metropolitan area? Join clubs? Find Meetups?

I've seen some people have a lot of success with this site, and others with nada. Its all over the map and in my opinion, totally random.

My stats, as we are comparing them now.

Stats:
Time on EH: 6 Months (Canceled 15 months ago)
Matches: Close to a thousand
Matches that made it to OC: Dozens
Dates: Many. 4 turned out to be relationship worthy. 1 was a nutter. About 7 first dates that really didn't pan out to anything.

Would I do it again: in a heartbeat, but that depends if my proposal in December falls flat. She is 1 of the 4 that turned out to be relationship worthy. I had to dump the other 3, which kinda sucked.
Would I recommend it: to some yes, to others no. Some can take the anonymous rejections over and over and others can't.
 
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MarkInAustin is offline MarkInAustin Post #39  October 27,2009, 6:43pm
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nightling wrote :
A little old, but here are census numbers.

149.1 million
The number of females in the United States as of July 1, 2004. That exceeds the number of males (144.5 million). Males outnumbered females in every five-year-age group through the 35- to 39-age group. Starting with the 40- to 44-age group, women outnumbered men. At 85 and over, there were more than twice as many women as men.

And here is a map showing regional variations in the US which is also kind o interesting and just goes to show where you live has an impact on your chances o meeting someone as well.

A singles map of the United States of America - The Boston Globe
Well this explains a lot; all three of the cities I've lived in have an excess of single males. Add to this a quirk of demographics for my age group, and I pretty much have no chance.

That quirk of demographics is that I was born in the first year not considered a baby boom year. There was a significant drop off in the number of children around the time I was born. Since men my age and up to 5 years older than I am are still looking for women to have children with, they are all competing for the same (small) group of women still young enough to have children. On the other hand, women my age and older are moving out of the child bearing age group, so they are of less interest to that same group of men.
 
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