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seagirl11 seagirl11 is offline
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I have student loans from grad school. It will take me a couple of years to pay off. I make a decent earning, so me being on track to pay loans is not an issue. So I am wondering how early do I bring this up when I am dating someone? I do think this is an important topic as this means I might not buy a house or any other major investments until I pay off loan. I graduated quite recently so this is not a conversation I am used to having. The only time I talked about this was an ex while we were dating said he had considerable grad loans (law school) I replied I had student loans too. Any advice on right way to approach this topic?
- October 25th, 2009, 03:07 pm
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melman melman is offline
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Everyone your age has student loans. So it doesn't need to be discussed, does it?

Keep your financial details to yourself (along with other private info that no one needs to know about) until you're preparing to combine households with someone, i.e. getting married. Until then it's just no one's business.
- October 25th, 2009, 03:12 pm
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bigfincat bigfincat is online now
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This info is for way down the line really. Don't even mention it.
- October 25th, 2009, 03:26 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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I do not need to know about a student loan, credit card debt, or other balance sheet detail, at the outset of a relationship.

I do not agree with waiting until preparing to combine households. If you are disqualified for a mortgage at favorable terms then our relationship would likely have to end. Why invest your time and emotions into that outcome?

In my view, the best thing is to rapidly transition your dating into low-cost mode (dinner at home, foregoing lavish entertainments / vacations), and use that opportunity to communicate your motivation toward securing your future.
- October 25th, 2009, 03:34 pm
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seagirl11 seagirl11 is offline
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D_Lion wrote :

In my view, the best thing is to rapidly transition your dating into low-cost mode (dinner at home, foregoing lavish entertainments / vacations), and use that opportunity to communicate your motivation toward securing your future.
I have been on some nice vacations because I like travel for fun (due to travel for work and airline miles I can afford it) and I am really cheap with other costs. I make dinner at home but if my date wants to take me to nice restaurant, I don't want to be an un-romantic.

Thanks for advice, I don't think I will bring this up until atleast I get to know the person. So when exactly do I bring this up? When we are dating x months/exclusive/engaged/signing for a mortgage?
- October 25th, 2009, 04:28 pm
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bigfincat bigfincat is online now
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seagirl11 wrote :
I have been on some nice vacations because I like travel for fun (due to travel for work and airline miles I can afford it) and I am really cheap with other costs. I make dinner at home but if my date wants to take me to nice restaurant, I don't want to be an un-romantic.

Thanks for advice, I don't think I will bring this up until atleast I get to know the person. So when exactly do I bring this up? When we are dating x months/exclusive/engaged/signing for a mortgage?
IMO as long as you are working toward paying the debt off & have a hold of your finances then you have no reason to mention it.

I would recommend having a consistent plan to pay them off.... BUT don't stress about the fact that there is debt present. I would not worry yourself or rush to pay that off. Just pace yourself.
- October 25th, 2009, 04:37 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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I have a different view than the other men here, who are suggesting you wait.

In my view, you do not want to spend months or years to get to a situation where you are making a serious commitment, and then find your partner walks because of a condition which was known all along.

There are two dangers here:

I decide I cannot go forward due to the financial position you are in. This is frustrating, since you could have avoided wasting time on me by disclosing sooner (or spent the intervening time improving your position.)

I feel deceived and betrayed that you spring this trap on me after you think I became committed. Some men have the experience with women who look to them to bail them out of the economic hole they dug (and some men look to women for the same objective), but I have no hesitation to walk.

I continue to think you should begin to get your financial picture out in the open with your partner sooner rather than later. In my opinion, once becoming exclusive is the right time.
- October 25th, 2009, 04:56 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
I have a different view than the other men here, who are suggesting you wait.

In my view, you do not want to spend months or years to get to a situation where you are making a serious commitment, and then find your partner walks because of a condition which was known all along.

There are two dangers here:

I decide I cannot go forward due to the financial position you are in. This is frustrating, since you could have avoided wasting time on me by disclosing sooner (or spent the intervening time improving your position.)

I feel deceived and betrayed that you spring this trap on me after you think I became committed. Some men have the experience with women who look to them to bail them out of the economic hole they dug (and some men look to women for the same objective), but I have no hesitation to walk.

I continue to think you should begin to get your financial picture out in the open with your partner sooner rather than later. In my opinion, once becoming exclusive is the right time.
Given this philosophy then every minute aspect of your life, past and present, should be disclosed on the first date. Or even before, maybe in the first Open Communication message.

Seems pretty damn stupid to me, but you go ahead and do it your way.
- October 25th, 2009, 09:46 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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You would want to discuss your student loan situation at the point when you would be discussing the rest of a financial situation between you and your partner.

Personally the only way that someone is going to get to read my bank statement is if they have a Mrs. in front of their name and my last name on the end.

I went to university on the pay as you go plan so have no student loans.
- October 25th, 2009, 09:51 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
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melman wrote :
Everyone your age has student loans. So it doesn't need to be discussed, does it?

Keep your financial details to yourself (along with other private info that no one needs to know about) until you're preparing to combine households with someone, i.e. getting married. Until then it's just no one's business.
It is pretty scary when I agree with you
- October 25th, 2009, 09:53 pm
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