“I’m not sure what I want” Disassembling guy speak


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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #1  October 24,2009, 10:16pm
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I had pondered that I wasn’t sure what I wanted relationship wise. Then I heard a mate say the same thing. It had me feel what prattle such a sentiment can be. In half a moment I could identify for myself what I’d like. It was the similar I’d been most of my life. What I aspired to in previous relationships, what I liked most. The uncomplicated issue was who else might my own feelings be in synch. with another. So the more honest response is “I’m not sure if you are what I want.” But since that is a bit cutting, if honest, we blokes it on ourselves; defect with a bit of self-defecation. Pathetic.

What we might want mean.

“I may a well hang out with you until I find someone better.”

“I’m happy enough to enjoy have sex with you, or anyone else I find attractive and will put up with me.”

“You might be an obsessive, needy and want me to go shopping”

“I’m concerned you might seek to change me.”

“I’m not really over my ex-partner, but I don’t like feeling lonely.”

“I’d like sex but I lack social skill to seek ‘one-night-stands.’”

“I’m boring, unadventurous and what someone else to fill that role in my life.”

“I’d like someone else to iron my shirts”

“I’m embarrassed, scared of sex workers.”

“I have a number of female friends and couldn’t pick one over the other.”

“Picking up women is easy, while be stuck with you when there will always be someone new.”

I daren’t say any of this is novel. But I have found it heaps better to give a more honest answer (I don’t disclose my innermost self to anyone – I say that too). Mostly because I thought on various challenges from “dates.”

Oddly, I’ve had more dates, more repeat dates. As I wasn’t that experienced at dating it may be just familiarity at dating routine. I do wonder if my saying the unspoken, direct responses makes a difference. Such that I giving over dating anyone new any time soon?

What are other’s thoughts?
Last edited by Fleuellen; October 24,2009 at 11:01pm.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  October 25,2009, 7:55pm
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My thought is that you misspoke in the first paragraph. Or perhaps not.

As to "I'm not sure what I want," I believe this to be a fairly common scenario for men (and maybe women too?) to find themselves in...I call them the 'conflicted males.' I try to follow three simple rules that would alleviate this type of scenario:

1. Mean what you say, and say what you mean
2. Finish what you start (don't start a new relationship if you have any lingering attachments to a former partner)
3. Treat others as you would want to be treated

Bottom line: if you aren't ready for (or seeking) an LTR, don't tell women that you are. If there was to be a code of honor in dating, I think this should be it.
Last edited by lacedwithhope; October 25,2009 at 10:21pm.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  October 25,2009, 8:01pm
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #4  October 25,2009, 8:22pm
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D_Lion wrote :
"I'm grumpy."
arrh, an honest statement!
 
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librarybabe is offline librarybabe Post #5  October 26,2009, 8:05am
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Anyone else thinking of George Constanza from Seinfeld? Got tired of getting burned when lying to women, so he told the next woman he saw that he was unemployed, living with his parents and desperate for a woman and got a favorable response. Don't know how well that would work outside of a sitcom though. Women don't want to be lied to, but we also want someone who actually wants and appreciates us. So being honest is good, telling us that you are looking for a date because you find us preferable to a blow up sex doll, may not really result in better dates though.

So what is your goal? More dates? Or finding a good relationship?
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #6  October 26,2009, 10:37am
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Fleuellen wrote :
But since that is a bit cutting, if honest, we blokes it on ourselves; defect with a bit of self-defecation. Pathetic.
I sure hope you didn't mean self-defecation. Things might not smell so nice after that...

This thread leads to a good question. Is it truly possible for people to change on a dime? When someone has decided the person they are with isn't 'the one' can feelings really do a 180 overnight or is there a creeping element of deception that leads to the appearance of a complete change?
 
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dmc80809 is offline dmc80809 Post #7  October 26,2009, 11:24pm
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wow...the truth is enlightening.
 
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kiki87042 is offline kiki87042 Post #8  October 28,2009, 8:30pm
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Hi!!! Did you miss me?

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It's all in the book. "He's just not that into you."
 
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