Yes, you can be “too good to be true.”


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nightling is offline nightling Post #61  October 23,2009, 6:20pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Let me try to state it this way: what I disagree with is the idea that when presented with a match who “seems too good to be true,” the wrong attitude is to assume they are somehow dishonest and conniving.

The right attitude is to hope that this is the rare great match, and work harder than you usually would to get them to the point where you can evaluate them for a relationship.

I think great matches are worth less distrust, not more.

Now what do you say to that?
I think it is wise to go in with both eyes open, meet him in a public place, watch your drinks being made, read books that will make you wiser about con artists and then relax and enjoy your date.
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #62  October 23,2009, 6:26pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Let me try to state it this way: what I disagree with is the idea that when presented with a match who “seems too good to be true,” the wrong attitude is to assume they are somehow dishonest and conniving.

The right attitude is to hope that this is the rare great match, and work harder than you usually would to get them to the point where you can evaluate them for a relationship.

I think great matches are worth less distrust, not more.

Now what do you say to that?
I think the right attitude is to avoid making assumptions such as that seemingly great matches are worth less distrust.

Why not have a similar trust and caution level for all matches?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #63  October 23,2009, 6:27pm
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LizziePooh wrote :
Sorry DL - I don't agree that you do not have any baggage.

We know nothing about you except we know the one thing that defines you and drives you - your need for security.

Doesn't having one thing that you see everything through imply that you have "baggage" - for lack of a better word.

If there is something that so defines a person it can color their judgment.

Now, if you find your heart...yeah, then - you will be too good to be true!
The term "baggage" when associated with dating is interpreted by normal people as defined by D_Lion in his second post. That is projecting on to your current date the negative aspects of your previous partner without any true fact that the current partner has any of those traits. That is your baggage.

I do not have any baggage either. There are some (ancient) post on these boards by someone (female) who knows me personally and has so stated that I have no baggage.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #64  October 23,2009, 6:29pm
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D_Lion wrote :
How far did you read?

I posted later a definiton of baggage which is narrower than some people use.
Here you go:

Lewis Carroll wrote :
"I don't know what you mean by 'glory,'" Alice said.
Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. "Of course you don't – till I tell you. I meant 'there's a nice knock-down argument for you!'"
"But 'glory' doesn't mean 'a nice knock-down argument,'" Alice objected.
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in a rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean – neither more nor less."
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #65  October 23,2009, 6:29pm
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nightling wrote :
So when you have a daughter someday you will advise her to trust her dates automatically and not to worry about date ra.pe?

I’m not sure I should try to answer the question, since I will not be having children.

I will say, that in my life generally, I do try very hard to make choices which I can defend with data – I do my job that way, and I manage my life choices in the same manner.

I would be far more afraid that my child fails to get a good job, than I would about who they date; I’m certain of this.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #66  October 23,2009, 6:30pm
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LizziePooh wrote :
I knew you did.
Ha ha ... and my eyes now resemble saucers!
 
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peg099 is offline peg099 Post #67  October 23,2009, 6:32pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
The term "baggage" when associated with dating is interpreted by normal people as defined by D_Lion in his second post. That is projecting on to your current date the negative aspects of your previous partner without any true fact that the current partner has any of those traits. That is your baggage.
Oh well, in that case I brought no bagagge into my marriage. Silly me. Here I have been saying I had baggage. But none of the issues I came in with had anything to do with previous partners.

Most normal people I know interpret bagagge as unresolved issues from the past that get in the way of someone's relationships. Many people have baggage as a result of the way they were raised, not as a result of past dating experiences.
wrote :
I do not have any baggage either. There are some (ancient) post on these boards by someone (female) who knows me personally and has so stated that I have no baggage.
Sure, by your definition, if someone has no past partners they cannot have baggage.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #68  October 23,2009, 6:34pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I’m not sure I should try to answer the question, since I will not be having children.

I will say, that in my life generally, I do try very hard to make choices which I can defend with data – I do my job that way, and I manage my life choices in the same manner.

I would be far more afraid that my child fails to get a good job, than I would about who they date; I’m certain of this.
I will just point out, that unlike car accidents which are often random occurrences and truly accidents, the con artist isn't random. He chooses his victim, and a component of that is someone who is naive, inexperienced and/or just too da.mn willing to trust him.

And D. don't you think you're being a little hypocritical about this when you seem to see gold diggers everywhere? Shouldn't you be trusting your dates more?
Last edited by nightling; October 23,2009 at 6:36pm.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #69  October 23,2009, 6:35pm
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peg099 wrote :
Why not have a similar trust and caution level for all matches?

Because resources are finite. I can expend more somewhere only by spending less elsewhere – and that is not implying cash, but time, energy, and, perhaps most of all in this context, motivation and hope.

I call you on this critique, too: why are you referring to this as an “assumption?” It isn’t; it’s a choice. Like saying long work hours are justified if a job pays better. Not an assumption, a choice. It would be an assumption if I presumed that good matches will always prove to be better in hindsight, but I didn’t say that.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #70  October 23,2009, 6:38pm
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cardguy wrote :
Here you go:

Although your post is funny (and how did you make your quote do that?), I did not make up a meaning, I clarified it - which I should have done in the OP.
 
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