Yes, you can be “too good to be true.”


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #151  October 24,2009, 5:58pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

trixie1868 wrote :
I would deeply mistrust anyone my age without 'baggage'. I'd think they just hadn't been joining in enough.

We are all of us, shaped by our experience. Anyone who claims that they have not been has not had enough stand out experiences.
Oh I hope you wouldn't mind me exploring this. To me it goes to the glass half full v. half empty people.

Last week I was out with a guy and said something was one of the worst experiences of my life. He said surely your divorce was one of the worst experiences of your life. I told him no, how could I look at it badly when I learned so much about myself from it. Everyone referred to my divorce as the war of the Roses. I could list everything I learned but the end result is I am a better person for it.

I believe my outlook is from having a very internal LOC. I have met other people like me and they have the same outlook.

Meh, what do you think?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #152  October 24,2009, 6:05pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,741

See profile

WYskywatcher wrote :
Now don't get upset. What color was it? Maybe we can help you find it.

Low-visibility grey. You surely missed it.

I may not have even had any ...
 
  Reply With Quote
WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #153  October 24,2009, 6:57pm
WYskywatcher's Avatar

got her profile back! Thank you tech guy! :-)

Virtuoso

Joined: Jul 2009

Least populated state in the country!

Posts: 2,959

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
Low-visibility grey. You surely missed it.

I may not have even had any ...
Let's ask around...

Hello! Has anyone seen D's baggage? It's low visibility grey. He thinks he left it at the bus stop. Surely someone has seen it.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #154  October 24,2009, 7:02pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,741

See profile

On second thought, umm ... I think ... umm ...

I haven't any baggage!
 
  Reply With Quote
bwr is offline bwr Post #155  October 24,2009, 7:26pm
bwr's Avatar

wants to become relevant again

Enthusiast

Joined: Oct 2008

AZ

Posts: 591

See profile

It takes two to tango. When I make a decision or judgement about someone, I am using all of my past experiences, gut feelings, and knowledge/obsevance of the other person at that point in time.

For example, If I reject someone because I think they are a flake or a gold-digger, there was something that made me come to that decision. A lot of it could have been my insecurities, my experience wisdom, my gut instincts, etc. I could have been dead wrong due to insecurities, but I am sure part of my decision was legit and correct.

But the other person had a lot to say about it too. She could have performed certain actions better, communicated better, or taken me more more seriously. She had something to do with me rejecting her too.

But some of my choices are to protect me from hurt and trouble. If I sense someone isnt taking me seriously or are not 100% tuned in, then I am setting myself up to get strung out on the backburner. If I am always trying to contact her and she rarely contacts me, or if I am always paying for things, something is not right.

If someone else is not genuinely interested in me, then I will pick up hints and sniff this out.

If two people are truely genuinely interested in eachother, they will not play games with eachother or put up any huge barriers. Somehow they will overcome it and find a way to be together.
 
  Reply With Quote
Faira is offline Faira Post #156  October 24,2009, 7:53pm
Faira's Avatar

is off picking daisies

Virtuoso

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 2,863

See profile

Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Oh I hope you wouldn't mind me exploring this. To me it goes to the glass half full v. half empty people.

Last week I was out with a guy and said something was one of the worst experiences of my life. He said surely your divorce was one of the worst experiences of your life. I told him no, how could I look at it badly when I learned so much about myself from it. Everyone referred to my divorce as the war of the Roses. I could list everything I learned but the end result is I am a better person for it.

I believe my outlook is from having a very internal LOC. I have met other people like me and they have the same outlook.

Meh, what do you think?
Hope it's okay if I jump in here...

Jo, something clicked for me when you talked about internal locus of control...the idea that even if you can't control what's happening to you, you can choose how you'll respond to it. It took me a long time to grasp that, but it was really powerful once I got my head wrapped around it.

I don't think that it necessarily means that I come to a relationship totally unaffected by what's happened to me in prior ones (as much as I try not to be)...I think it just means that I've chosen to believe that I have agency in the process of how I deal with hurt from other relationships, and I how I deal with stuff that may surface in a current in a relationship...instead of saying, "Well, I'm this way because of X event", asking myself, "Okay, obviously X event is still an issue...how am I going to work at resolving that, now that I know that it's still an issue?"

But I like your attitude - every experience is a learning experience, if we choose to make it so.

By the way, D_Lion, I absolutely believe that, by the definition that you set out and clarified, that you likely *don't* have any "baggage". But I think it's easy to prove your own point when you can set the definition of the word...it seems to me that the responses here indicate that the general understanding of "baggage" is different than yours, or at least incorporating elements that you don't feel have a place...

That's not a criticism. It's just difficult to debate when all parties don't agree on the meaning of the terms...
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #157  October 24,2009, 8:32pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

Faira wrote :
Hope it's okay if I jump in here...

Jo, something clicked for me when you talked about internal locus of control...the idea that even if you can't control what's happening to you, you can choose how you'll respond to it. It took me a long time to grasp that, but it was really powerful once I got my head wrapped around it.

I don't think that it necessarily means that I come to a relationship totally unaffected by what's happened to me in prior ones (as much as I try not to be)...I think it just means that I've chosen to believe that I have agency in the process of how I deal with hurt from other relationships, and I how I deal with stuff that may surface in a current in a relationship...instead of saying, "Well, I'm this way because of X event", asking myself, "Okay, obviously X event is still an issue...how am I going to work at resolving that, now that I know that it's still an issue?"

But I like your attitude - every experience is a learning experience, if we choose to make it so.
To me it is looking at the events an how they effected me. How do I believe I effected events. What were my perceptions before and how have they changed. It is all in how I perceive myself not in how I perceive others.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #158  October 24,2009, 8:51pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,741

See profile

I need a drink!
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #159  October 24,2009, 9:05pm

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
I need a drink!
Then get one silly.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #160  October 24,2009, 9:08pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,741

See profile

I'd rather not drink alone!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« For D_Lion: Spider Dating | Dating | Ever Rethink your "Type"? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Good Ol Girls Clubs Seneca "Red Flag" Central 8 September 22,2009 11:30am
In with the Good ....out with the bad..... hogrally AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 15 August 26,2009 3:06pm
Anything current or upcoming that's good to see on a date? bravethestorm Dating 17 August 17,2009 3:00pm
Looking Good... celeste21 Christian Singles 1 August 3,2009 7:21pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 1:10pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0