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VictoriaJ VictoriaJ is offline
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I've seen these terms popping up a lot on these boards lately, especially in JayJay's interesting thread on gender roles. I'm wondering: What do these terms mean to you?

I'm not interested in a debate over who should do what or whether one person's definition is better than another's. I'm just curious to hear examples of specific behaviours you associate with each of these roles.

What do you want to be protected from? What do you want provided to you? How do you want to be nurtured? What work makes a home for you?
- October 23rd, 2009, 12:07 pm
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Can we take these one at a time? or do you want things all bunched together??
- October 23rd, 2009, 12:09 pm
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VictoriaJ VictoriaJ is offline
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Laughingdaily wrote :
Can we take these one at a time? or do you want things all bunched together??
As you wish. Whichever ones interest you. I'm just curious.
- October 23rd, 2009, 12:42 pm
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Well let me start with "provider". This word can be many things and everyone sees a different meaning.

I think it is not what it used to be in terms of a sole bread winner, where the man works while the wife stays home and cooks and cleans all day.

To me this means providing a stable environment where your partner knows and trusts you in the relationship. This means respect for each other, clear communication, conflict resolution, and working together.

How is that for starters?
- October 23rd, 2009, 12:50 pm
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VictoriaJ wrote :
What do you want to be protected from?
Evil

VictoriaJ wrote :
What do you want provided to you?
(emotional)support (not physical..I need to lose weight ) when needed, trust, feeling that I'm safe when I'm with her, commitment, love, compassion.

VictoriaJ wrote :
How do you want to be nurtured?
I don't need to be waited hand and foot...(just mutual back rub is fine ), just share house chores together, and let me sleep and rest when I'm sick..maybe a cup of chicken soup is good too.

OK I think that's a good start..and yes, all from ONE woman
- October 23rd, 2009, 03:48 pm
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When I read “I’m looking for a provider” in a women’s profile, I understand it to mean she is looking to date, and probably then live, in whole or in part, on a man’s income.
- October 23rd, 2009, 04:02 pm
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Last edited by D_Lion; October 23rd, 2009 at 04:08 pm.
- October 23rd, 2009, 04:03 pm
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VictoriaJ wrote :

What do you want to be protected from? What do you want provided to you? How do you want to be nurtured? What work makes a home for you?
I want to be protected from evil. From being hurt. I want to feel safe when I'm around them. Someone to stick up for me when I can't for myself and to look out for me when I'm oblivious.

I want someone to provide comfort and emotional support for me. Provide satisfaction (physically and emotionally). Help provide a good life to live.

I want to be nurtured by encouragement and knowing someone will be there to pick me up when I fall. Someone to help me see the lighter side of things when the clouds come.

What makes a home for me? Knowing I have someone to come home to, a place to call my home. A place to feel safe and warm. Where I can dance in my undergarments, sing badly and be myself.

-in short terms-
- October 23rd, 2009, 04:53 pm
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VictoriaJ VictoriaJ is offline
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I've been thinking about "protector" over the past few days. I am fortunate enough to live in a peaceful country in a nice neighbourhood. I'm quite independent and even walk alone at night if I have somewhere to go. What would I need to be protected from? I don't feel I'm in any danger.

When I think of a "protector," I think of feeling safe with a man. But this is much more emotional than physical. (By now at least I've learned to spot the physically unsafe types.) I want to feel I trust my man, and that he loves me, supports me, and listens to me. But aren't these behaviours more those of a "nurturer" than a "protector"?
- October 23rd, 2009, 05:46 pm
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VictoriaJ wrote :
I've been thinking about "protector" over the past few days. I am fortunate enough to live in a peaceful country in a nice neighbourhood. I'm quite independent and even walk alone at night if I have somewhere to go. What would I need to be protected from? I don't feel I'm in any danger.

When I think of a "protector," I think of feeling safe with a man. But this is much more emotional than physical. (By now at least I've learned to spot the physically unsafe types.) I want to feel I trust my man, and that he loves me, supports me, and listens to me. But aren't these behaviours more those of a "nurturer" than a "protector"?
I think you're right....that in many countries the chances of a man needing to physically protect a woman from violence are small. For me too a role of 'protector' is in large part emotional and does have some overlap with 'nurturer'. However, at least for me part of the difference in roles is that I expect to be needed for emotional support more than vice versa. And, that this will also involve 'physical' things.

For example, my ex would oftentimes get discouraged or feeling bad with things that would happen at her job. I would comfort her at these times and also let her know she had the opportunity to simply quit and look for another job if she wanted. On the other hand, while I have things that bother me with my work I expect to be able to handle these things more on my own without burdening her with the need to support me, though I may occasionally do so.

Also, while I told my ex that she could quit her job at any time if she wanted, I would never do so without having another job lined up. I expect to have a greater share of responsibility as 'breadwinner' even if she is also a breadwinner.
- October 23rd, 2009, 06:43 pm
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