4 Months then suddenly nothing - what happened?


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AnyaT is offline AnyaT Post #1  October 23,2009, 6:18am
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So I realize it will be impossible for anyone to tell me what is really going on, but wanted to put this put there anyway for feedback.

Met one of my matches here in June. We hit it off, have been seeing each other about once per week since then, emailing every couple days with just general messages about how our days are going. Dates went very well, we have a great rapport and he was talking about doing things in the future. Got hot and heavy on a few occasions. Come late September we didn't see each other for about 3 weeks because of work, travel and personal commitments. I emailed him when he got back, we exchanged a few messages and I suggested getting together. We went out last weekend, again seemed to go well and he said he would contact me this week about getting together.

Since then, nothing. We had been in touch almost every day prior to our 3 week break and again last week, so this is a surprise. I don't know if his interest waned while he was away, but he certainly responded quickly to my emails when he got back. Not sure if I was being too pushy or available by emailing him first and suggesting our last date, but again, he was free not to respond if he wasn't interested anymore. We had not had any discussions about the relationship, i.e., were we dating other people (I am pretty sure he is not), did we want to make this more serious or exclusive, etc, but just seemed to be happy spending time with each other about once per week.

I am confused and wondering if his lack of communication is meant to indicate he isn't interested anymore, or if he is just waiting for me to contact him. After 4 months of dating I feel that I should at least know why he is not getting in touch - it's not like after 1 or 2 dates when one of us decides the chemistry isn't there. I would like to know what is going on, but also feel like if he is interested he will get in touch, and if he doesn't then it indicates he doesn't want to go any further. I don't want to come across as chasing him or needy. What are people's thoughts or advice?
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #2  October 23,2009, 10:58am
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It could be work issues again this week as to why he hasnt called.

After 4 months I would hope the relationship goes somehwere more than just once a week dating and occasional emails. Have you had sex yet? If you havent that will tur the guy off. Is it something where it appears one of you to the other is the fall back option if nothing better comes along? Are these dates for the weeknds made on Thursday---then it seems one may be aiting for something better to pop up but still likes the company.

Were I in a relationship like that where I was with someone since June I would want it to be advancing more than a single date a week and short emails.

Its posible given that 3 week hiatus...he may have found someone new.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  October 23,2009, 2:24pm
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So, to be clear, you went out "last weekend" and have heard nothing since - meaning four or five days?

I would not worry, through any sharp change in patterns of communication (not due to a known cause) is not good news.

Personally, I will usually send two unanswered messages before giving up on someone.

I think you should call this weekend.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #4  October 23,2009, 2:42pm
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D_Lion wrote :
So, to be clear, you went out "last weekend" and have heard nothing since - meaning four or five days?

I would not worry, through any sharp change in patterns of communication (not due to a known cause) is not good news.

Personally, I will usually send two unanswered messages before giving up on someone.

I think you should call this weekend.
I was thinking the same thing. There may be a reasons why he hasn't emailed. Did YOU try emailing or calling him in the past week? If so, how many times? If your emails and calls are going unanswered, there might be some cause for concern. Try contacting him a couple more times or so over the weekend and see what happens. If you don't hear from him by early next week then you can start getting worried.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 23,2009, 5:59pm
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I agree with ami1uwant that things should have progressed a bit more in four months to seeing each other more than once a week.and short casual e-mails. Since you have nothing in your profile I don't know what age group you are in and have kid issues to deal with which would make getting together more often difficult. But if you are not seeing each other but once a week then talking on the phone a couple of times a week would seem to be a normal situation to me.
 
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Dugl is offline Dugl Post #6  October 24,2009, 7:02am
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There can always be "things" going on in the backround with someone relatively new in your life. I have had experiences where someone dated me for a several months while they were waiting for another relationship/ situation to rectify itself...when it did, they vanished. Some people are high maintenance and require any form of partner to simply fill a void.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  October 24,2009, 9:37am
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If you've been dating this guy three to four months there is nothing wrong with initiating contact. He should also be decent enough to respond and let you know what's going on.. work.. a new love interest. whatever. I'd give it another try. If he's not responding and hoping you'll go away, well that tells you something - not someone I'd want to be involved with.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #8  October 24,2009, 9:55am
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wrote :
Not sure if I was being too pushy or available by emailing him first and suggesting our last date
too available, yes.

i think 3 months or so is a good marker for getting to know someone and figuring out if you want to pursue something further. but usually yeah a typical guy will lose interest if you are too available or if you pursue regardless of all of the protests to the contrary that you may see here
 
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HappyandLight is offline HappyandLight Post #9  October 24,2009, 10:37am
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ITA agree, Nanette.

The beginning months are the most fragile and it's best to not be "too available". Keeping some mystery, some "not knowing" in the beginning keeps things interesting! However, I see this being true for other relationships and other times in a relationship, even long term ones!

If someone is "too available" meaning, not having interests/passions outside of the relationship...they will probably be less attraction/passion happening. Even when they are married. Everyone knows that men can all of the sudden appreciate their wife when she is suddenly "no longer so available".

I have a gf who just married. She loves her man, but man, she is frustrated that he doesn't have that much going on outside of her. She wishes so much he had things going on...then he'd be more attractive!


Nanette wrote :
too available, yes.

i think 3 months or so is a good marker for getting to know someone and figuring out if you want to pursue something further. but usually yeah a typical guy will lose interest if you are too available or if you pursue regardless of all of the protests to the contrary that you may see here
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #10  October 24,2009, 10:50am
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HappyandLight wrote :
ITA agree, Nanette.

The beginning months are the most fragile and it's best to not be "too available". Keeping some mystery, some "not knowing" in the beginning keeps things interesting! However, I see this being true for other relationships and other times in a relationship, even long term ones!

If someone is "too available" meaning, not having interests/passions outside of the relationship...they will probably be less attraction/passion happening. Even when they are married. Everyone knows that men can all of the sudden appreciate their wife when she is suddenly "no longer so available".

I have a gf who just married. She loves her man, but man, she is frustrated that he doesn't have that much going on outside of her. She wishes so much he had things going on...then he'd be more attractive!

I agree with all of this. Its a matter of finding a balance that isn't equal (sorry guys) but also isn't withdrawing too much from the relationship.
 
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