Line between patience and wasting time


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thatguy86 is offline thatguy86 Post #1  October 22,2009, 12:45pm
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Ok, to start off, it is my assumption when you get on eHarmony, you are saying you are looking for a relationship of some sort and in a position to be available for it.

I don't know what it is, but it seems like lately women I talk to start off alright (minus the fact it usually takes awhile to get responses) but I quickly start to realize they are almost never available. Like this last person I was talking to. We seemed to start off ok, but she never seems to be online to talk or return messeges or anything. And when she is online it seems she takes forever to respond to one IM and usually have to leave 15-20 minutes into the conversation. I don't believe i've made her uncomfortable. We usually talk about how things are going, get to know eachother better, etc.

My question is, where do I draw the line? That line between being patient and understanding to her schedule and just wasting my time? I often get things like "i'm really busy with school/work", "i need to do this or that" etc. Ok, if this were a meeting outside eHarmony, fine, you might be in that position where you are unavailable. But if your advertising yourself on here, your telling me i want a relationship and have the time for it. What do you all think?
 
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optimist_gal is offline optimist_gal Post #2  January 26,2010, 1:43pm
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I agree that if you are on eH, you are saying that you are ready and have enough time to be in a relationship. However, forgive me for being blunt, it sounds like she's just being nice and isn't truly interested. I tend to be quite busy, but make time for people that I am interested in.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  January 26,2010, 6:39pm
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I agree that it is stupid to have spent money joining eHarmony if you are not interested in the service that it provides. That is providing a method of finding dates.

I, too, get quite a few matches that really are not available for dating. And it is both baffling and frustrating.
 
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Faira is offline Faira Post #4  January 26,2010, 6:50pm
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This is why I've learned not to like long-distance relationships and I like to meet as soon as possible.

I'm not a text or IM person...I don't mind IM when the person lives a long ways away, but I don't like extended IM "conversations" as a way to get to know someone - I'd rather meet.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #5  January 26,2010, 6:52pm
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omg i just noticed that there is a "thisguy" and a "thatguy" and i wonder if they are the "sameguy"?
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  January 26,2010, 6:56pm
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I think you should send me a flirty PM.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #7  January 26,2010, 7:16pm

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Faira wrote :
This is why I've learned not to like long-distance relationships and I like to meet as soon as possible.

I'm not a text or IM person...I don't mind IM when the person lives a long ways away, but I don't like extended IM "conversations" as a way to get to know someone - I'd rather meet.
exactly. Ask for her phone number, schedule a phone call and make it. If she won't give you the number, she isn't interested.
If you get her number, call and talk.
After a few phone calls, make a date to meet for coffee...no big dinner, just meet.
If she won't do this, again she isn't interested.
And NO it's not anything you've said or done..it could be any number of other things totally unrelated to you.

close/next to be trite and redundant.
 
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jcw001 is offline jcw001 Post #8  January 26,2010, 7:28pm
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
close/next to be trite and redundant.
Time for a nightcap!

2 things for the OP:

1) Stay off line and get personal. Higher quality time with these women might produce a different level of interest. Worth a shot.

2) Someone that wants to be with you will be with you and show interest in you. See it for what it is, not for what you want it to be.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #9  January 26,2010, 7:50pm

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[QUOTE=jcw001;865157]Time for a nightcap!

if only I could raid the nurses drug cabinet tonight! I shoulda brought a flask with me.
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #10  January 26,2010, 7:54pm
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When I was a member there were times when I was enthusiastic about it & times where I wasn't.

I was a member for like a year & a half so there were some times when I really didn't give it much attention.

You really can't tell how someone else uses a dating site & it may matter quite a bit what else they have going on in their lives as to whether or not they can go forward with something new. It could just be a crazy week or month.

Once you meet you usually have to be ready to go. If you aren't ready to go then some may hold off that meeting & take the early communication quite slowly.
 
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