Springkle22 is offline Springkle22 Post #1  October 22,2009, 3:58am
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Okay so I'm a young 20 something female and I do not get the whole paying thing. It might be because I've never done this whole online dating thing, but who should pay for the first date? I have no clue what the proper etiquette is for this situation. Any advice would be great.
Last edited by Springkle22; October 22,2009 at 4:03am.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  October 22,2009, 5:27am
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Springkle,

Welcome to the discussion boards. It sounds like you want to know the proper etiquette for paying for a date with someone you've met online. It shouldn't be much different from a date with someone you've met the conventional way.

The answer really depends on your personal views about paying for dates, as well as the type of date. Some people see the first get-together with an online date as a "meet," where you determine whether this person is indeed the same person you've seen on your profile. The actual "first date" would follow the next time you get together. But I think most would consider that first meet to be an actual date.

I recommend that you at least offer to pay for the first date. Most times the man will willingly pay, but we like when the woman at least offers to pay. There are men out there who believe they should always pay and think that if a woman offers to pay it's because she has no interest in a second date. But I believe the majority of men do no think this way.

If you are in doubt as to what you should do, talk to your date about it before the check arrives. No sense ruining a potentially good thing over a misunderstanding.

Best of luck to you.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #3  October 22,2009, 5:32am
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There are so many opinions on this. If you offer to pay, some guys might think you are not interested, others will appreciate it. If you don't, some guys might think you are only after their money, others are fine with it. I agree with tbesq - talk with them before the check gets there.

Good luck and have fun!
 
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Benevolence32 is offline Benevolence32 Post #4  October 22,2009, 6:34am
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Man pays, that's just how it is. If a guy thinks a woman is after his money just because she lets him take her to dinner and a movie - then he's probably single for a reason. Next.
Last edited by Benevolence32; October 22,2009 at 6:43am. Reason: ugh morning typos
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 22,2009, 6:43am
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First thing is that it has nothing to do with online dating. If a guy you met "in real life" took you on a date who would you expect to pay? Same thing applies to a date with someone that you have met through eHarmony or any other dating site.

I can't remember back as far as when I was 20 so the situation may be a bit different because of the financial situations of 20 year olds but I pay for the first date. If my date offers to pay her part I decline.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  October 22,2009, 6:54am
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sabete2002 wrote :
There are so many opinions on this. If you offer to pay, some guys might think you are not interested, others will appreciate it. If you don't, some guys might think you are only after their money, others are fine with it. I agree with tbesq - talk with them before the check gets there.

Good luck and have fun!
I have never been any good at "reading" people but when my date offers to pay for her dinner I do wonder if it is a signal that she is not interested or if she is just being polite

As I always ask a new match where she would like to go on the first date I do make note of what type of places she suggests and I also note what she chooses on the menu.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #7  October 22,2009, 7:13am
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Here is a sure thing... A zero dollar date... No one orders anything, no one needs to pull out any money... Bring your own snacks and a thermus...



roflmao
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  October 22,2009, 7:20am
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DennisWisconsin wrote :
Here is a sure thing... A zero dollar date... No one orders anything, no one needs to pull out any money... Bring your own snacks and a thermus...
Or just don't go! Problem solved!

There is no defined etiquette for this, each pair has to figure it out for themselves. If it's important to you to take a stand and pay your own pay, or take a stand and get paid for, then do that. That will weed out guys who can't stand that about you. Otherwise, a nice negotiation can occur that is an opener into conversation about mens and womens roles, the economy, etc etc!
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #9  October 22,2009, 7:56am
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FWIW, the interaction leading up to a first date/meet dictates how I handle things. It's different depending on the circumstance. I ALWAYS offer to pay, it's just how I am. Some insist on paying, some will let me split.

One first date, I had quite a bit of email and phone conversation with before we met. When we set a day, he wanted to plan the date and booked a dinner reservation at a really nice restaurant. It was a very formal date. Before the bill even came he said to me, "This is on me, I asked you, I chose the place and made the arrangements." (the fact that I offer and pay sometimes had come up in our phone conversations) Mind you, it was a great date, so, my response was, "Next time, it's on my dime." And, I paid for the second date. And, BTW, DL I said thank you, at least three times that evening. Then again, I'm the type of girl that always unlocks the man's door, too.

If it's a casual first meet, say, for coffee or a couple drinks, I always expect to pay my own way. To me, at this point in knowing the person, it's like meeting a friend. If I'm interested in a second meeting, I tell them so by saying, "How about I promise that the next time it's on you?"

Personally, I don't hold to any steadfast rules, I'm flexible and it all depends on my interest in the person and the circumstances of the situation.
 
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shoopthedoop is offline shoopthedoop Post #10  October 22,2009, 8:15am
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alissag wrote :
If it's a casual first meet, say, for coffee or a couple drinks, I always expect to pay my own way. To me, at this point in knowing the person, it's like meeting a friend. If I'm interested in a second meeting, I tell them so by saying, "How about I promise that the next time it's on you?"

Personally, I don't hold to any steadfast rules, I'm flexible and it all depends on my interest in the person and the circumstances of the situation.
That's a great approach. Coffee dates, yeah unless we arrive at the same time I'll just buy my own. If we arrive together I'll pay for the other person. First meeting for lunch/dinner I'll pay.

I honestly feel for a woman if you get along with the person on a first lunch/dinner and want to meet them again then thank them for the lunch/dinner and be sincere in offering to pay for the whole shot the next time.

If someone has covered the entire bill offering to 'chip in' the next time is pretty weak and almost always received as insincere.

If you have zero interest in seeing the person again, insist on paying for the first meeting and wish them luck in their search as you do it.
 
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