D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #21  October 22,2009, 4:01pm
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shoopthedoop wrote :
I honestly feel for a woman if you get along with the person on a first lunch/dinner and want to meet them again then thank them for the lunch/dinner and be sincere in offering to pay for the whole shot the next time.

If someone has covered the entire bill offering to 'chip in' the next time is pretty weak and almost always received as insincere.

If you have zero interest in seeing the person again, insist on paying for the first meeting and wish them luck in their search as you do it.

Excellent advice.

I think this is the best method for a woman to follow.
 
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alissag is offline alissag Post #22  October 22,2009, 4:28pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Excellent advice.

I think this is the best method for a woman to follow.
There are some of us that actually live by this motto!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #23  October 22,2009, 4:35pm
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Springkle22 wrote :
Thanks for all the advice. What would be the best way to talk to a date before the first date about who is going to pay?

I think you are fine to bring it up directly, such as: “how do you prefer to handle the costs of the first meeting?” Odds are he will state he is paying – but this does nothing to signal your actual desires or the future distribution of equitable contributions.

Another option is to wait until he suggests a place, then counter that, for instance: “that place is not very good, so-and-so is much better; it’s more costly, but I’d rather share and get the better experience.” This also lets you specify some place you trust that puts you in the best light, and shows you have taste. I would do it this way.

I see that Captain Crunch didn't like bringing it up, but this would be a welcome communication to be, and I would be more looking forward to meeting you.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #24  October 22,2009, 4:45pm
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alissag wrote :
There are some of us that actually live by this motto!

Following good advice yields good results!

I suspect you get them?
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #25  October 22,2009, 4:56pm
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Springkle22 wrote :
Okay so I'm a young 20 something female and I do not get the whole paying thing. It might be because I've never done this whole online dating thing, but who should pay for the first date? I have no clue what the proper etiquette is for this situation. Any advice would be great.
Welcome to the boards. And to the most confusing question ever.

The way it seems to me, if you don't offer to pay, half of the men will think you are a gold digger. If you do offer to pay the other half will apparently think you're too much of a feminist and you will never let them protect and provide for you. And some of those protect and provide types will -still- apparently think you are a gold digger, just a little more clever than usual but you can't fool them. No sir.

Perhaps I will just spew for 3 or 4 minutes about my utter confusion on the subject at the end of the date and that way the guy won't know which one I picked.

I think so far the balance is tipping to the side of offering to pay for at least half the bill. But I will probably phrase it as a question so it's not like I'm insisting or saying I'm uninterested.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #26  October 22,2009, 5:00pm
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I think you are new, but it is also a subject that about half of women who offer to pay are lying and only do it to test him.

Unfortunately, since I cannot know which half you are in, offering is problematic (especially if neither party uses cash, as I do not.)

Getting the second meeting is the best option, as it avoids all those concerns (unless you do not wish to see the person again.)
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #27  October 22,2009, 5:16pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I think you are new, but it is also a subject that about half of women who offer to pay are lying and only do it to test him.

Unfortunately, since I cannot know which half you are in, offering is problematic (especially if neither party uses cash, as I do not.)

Getting the second meeting is the best option, as it avoids all those concerns (unless you do not wish to see the person again.)
See what I mean? Offer to pay and you are still not out of the gold digger woods.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #28  October 22,2009, 6:27pm
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nightling wrote :
See what I mean? Offer to pay and you are still not out of the gold digger woods.
Offering to pay and not dumping him if he accepts the offer is the ideal. Offering to pay with full intention of dumping him if he accepts the offer will start the pot bubbling. But D_Lion, threads on this particular behavior have turned into bloodbaths.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #29  October 22,2009, 9:07pm
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Springkle22 wrote :
Okay so I'm a young 20 something female and I do not get the whole paying thing. It might be because I've never done this whole online dating thing, but who should pay for the first date? I have no clue what the proper etiquette is for this situation. Any advice would be great.
The Guy.

Hope that helps!
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #30  October 22,2009, 9:09pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I think you are fine to bring it up directly, such as: “how do you prefer to handle the costs of the first meeting?”
Oh dear God do not do this.

Never ask who is going to pay. If he does hes a keeper. If he *gasp* asks you to or asks you to chip in I would advise never seeing the guy again.
 
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